GOOTNESS gracious!

what. a. Tuesday.

Today is Tuesday, right?

I don't know if it's the "cold" or the time change or what, but at night, after I eat supper, I feel like I've had 2 or 3 Benedryls. It is all I can DO to stay awake. Boo.

So, last night, I was excited to be goin to bed at

9:15.

Well, there certainly won't no need in gettin excited. Because I woke up SIX times to Peggy singin DOO DOO DOOOOO and her gettin her vibrate on. Thank you, Peggy the Pump. EVERY TIME I corrected the high BS (blood sugars ;) ), it'd beep again in 2 hours, EVEN HIGHER THAN BEFORE. Awesome. Thank you.  All the while feelin like I'm gonna ralph, as this is one of the side effects of high BS. What THE deuce?

Bein high just continues on into my work day ... yep, higher and higher. Then, a magical NO DELIVERY message on my pump, AND double arrows up, which = "yo blood sugar is goin up not just real fast, but SUPA fast, girl! You betta handle dis!" Life is more fun when you imagine your insulin pump has a personality and talks like a middle aged black woman.

Bottom line, I had to leave work. Thank God I work with people who understand that diabetes can be unpredictable, and it's something that needs to be dealt with right away.

Went home. Changed the whole pump site. Looked like something maybe stuck in the reservoir set. My tissue/flesh? Sure, let's go with that. Who knows?

Upload sugars online so my endo can look at em.

Type her up a long explanation of all the temporary basals and adjustments I've been making to accomodate for my hormones doing special shiz to my blood sugars so that when she looks at the sugars, she will have some foggy clue (hopefully) of what she is lookin at. Fingers crossed.

Email said explanation to my mama so she can fax it to the dr. from her work b/c I am no longer at work, and we gots no fax machine at home, annnnnd, my dr. doesn't do email because of some HIPAA sitch. But wait - she can't open it because it's some doc type that her Adobe doesn't like. Ugh! Oh! This just in - it opens in google docs. Thank you for bein your own man, google.

Time out: 
I want y'all to know that right now, as I am tryin to type this post, my 80 lb. black lab has crawled across my lap, like he might be some tiny pug or somethin.  What isssss the deal?  Needy.  And he's been with me half the day.




At least I am certain Sir Bro Bro loves me regardless of my diabeetus or ugly TB arm bubble. He has regained control of himself and is now back in the floor.



Movin on ..

Drive to HR for my work to pick up a packet for orientation, where I am photographed, and asked to submit my license into some machine to verify my ID before I am allowed back there. TO PICK UP AN ORIENTATION PACKET in a manilla envelope.  No, I don't work for the FBI. Whaaaaaaaaat? Have we officially reached balla status around here or what?

Stop at Chicfila for a low carb meal so I can hopefully keep my blood sugars below 300 until my dr (hopefully) figures out something that makes sense.

Fly to the urgent care so I can get a required TB test for job which is required prior to orientation.

Get flu shot while I'm there.

Go to CVS to get Rx that is totally unrelated to the madness, I guess. Wait. Have cute redheaded pharmacist in her lil pearl earrings come to the window and immediately start tellin me about how she's tryin to override somethin or other but the medicaid this and that. Say Wha? I hated to interrupt her, but I had to. I was like, "Honey, I don't have any idea what you're talkin about. I just pulled up. I need to pick up the prescription I called in earlier." Bless her heart. She was so embarrassed. I have noticed I have started to call people "Honey" lately, even when they are at least 10 years older than me. What is happening to me?

Now, here I am. At home with the dog. Chillin. Feelin like my blood is low because it's been so high for so long that normal levels feel whack. We'll see how long they stay like this before decidin to get high again. I am not a fan. Get over yourself, estrogen-insulin resistance.

Diabeetus loves OJ ... A.A.F.

G'day Sugar Lumps!

I hope y'all slept well last night. And all the nights before that in the last week or so because I have not been sleeping, my friends. 

No, I been gettin up every mornin at approximately 2:19 am to have an 'OJ with a side of PB' party in my kitchen.

You see, I have gotten my sensor addicted to this apparently. So now, every night, homegirl starts beeeeeepin and hollerin to get up and play because my blood sugar is low.

*If you are new to these parts and are wonderin, WTH?, you should know, I have the dia-bee-tus.

But, if I ignore her, she starts to vibrate and it sounds like a texting extravaganza goin on beneath the sheets with all the beepin two or three different ways and the vibratin, and then, I begin to dream weird dreams as a result of said strange noises and vibrations, and because my blood sugar is low. I dream of eating food that is gross, like sweaty cheese that's been sitting out on a party tray in the heat a few hours too long.

I try to be sneaky and use the handy feature on my pump where I silence all the alerts. But, this just means that when I finally do wake up, I am so low that I am about half out of my head and trying not to fall down the stairs to the kitchen. 

But I figure, hey, long as I'm up, why not take pics so I can blog about it? Because I just lay there for eva waitin to fall back asleep anyway.

***

Here is my pump. Bless her sweet little heart. She enjoys beeping, vibrating and delivering insulin to my body since my pancreas said no thanks. Sometimes I like to call her Peggy. She does all the beepin and nonsense because my sensor tells her to. But the sensor is inserted into my fat and I ain't hateful enough to make y'all look at a picture of that.

Why don't I just adjust the insulin so I don't stay low all the time, you might be wondering. Well, I say you are clearly simple minded and don't know very much about diabetes.  If only it were that simple. Hormone fluctuation plays a HUGE role in how my body reacts to insulin, so it's forever changing. And even if it weren't a hormone thing, I can't just be makin adjustments willy nilly. I have to wait and see if there is a pattern to it, over the course of days, or if it was just a fluke - too much insulin at supper, too much activity, not enough carbs with the insulin, etc.

And the best part is, since hormones play a role, when you are a girl, it's waaaaaay more complicated because of the lovely dreaded menstrual cycle. Such a dirty game she plays. Week one - low, so I adjust down. Weeks 2 and 3, increased estrogen levels = insulin resistance = need more insulin, so I increase every couple days as needed, and week 4 = sky high = need lots of extra insulin. Then, it starts all over. Thankfully, my handy lil pump has a feature where I can increase the basal (insulin that's delivered in the "background" 24 hrs/day) by a percentage. I totally depend on it.

 But I am learning that said increases are too much at night.

New plan: increase basals, but not as much, but also give extra bolus insulin (insulin with food) to help prevent night time/2 am/4am/5am lows. The thing about diabetes, for me, is that you never really get it "figured out". Your body is always changing. It's an ongoing experiment. But, I am SO THANKFUL for how far we've come in dia-bee-tus land. The technology is amazing. The Lord is so lookin out for me.

Sometimes I worry that hubs feels inconvenienced by the wife's diabeetus, and the gadgets, and the disruptions to his sleep, etc -  poor thing:

Nevermind.

Now, aren't you glad you learned somethin?

This is why I'm hooked on DD coffee for caffeine consumption so I can function - the whipped cream part is just because I like it. 

;)

Dia-bee-tus Barbie

Do you have ANY I-DEA what all would come with girlfrand?

Last night, I was changing my sensor site, not to be confused with my pump site, and all these gizmos have their own inserters and chargers and doo-flatchies. Hubs was like, "Damn, you have so many ... accessories."

And the idea was born ...

here is hubs' thought process:

But I told him, I'd just have to do it my way because they don't have diabetic supplies readily available in Polyvore.

Just picture it. Christmas morning, and you open your very own Dia-bee-tus Barbie.

Here's just a few of the magical accessories you will find in the shiny plastic case lovely floral compartmentalized tote that comes with, as she would need these items on the daily. 

Dia-bee-tus Barbie has been nice enough to explain each of the said items below:

and finally, somethin to carry all this mess in:

 The following are not included:

*batteries - for meter, sensor, pump

*syringes - in case your pump dies one day because it absorbed too much sweat. true story.

*ketostix - who checks ketones?

*antibiotic skin cream - from all the pump and sensor site irritation

*glucagon - in case you're so low you go unconscious

 I hope Dia-bee-tus Barbie knows she gonna have to find somewhere creative to put her pump in that dress.

~~~

In other news, I guest posted over at my girl's blog Life on the Rox ... topic: friendship -  My very first time ever! (Maybe my last, but hopefully not, ha!)

Happy Hump Day!

6.8 Baby! Who's ya Mama?

You know what one of the best feelings ever is? 

No? 

Well, I'll tell you. 

One of the best feelings ever is when:

*checking your blood ~7x/day

*adjusting pump settings accordingly

*changing pump sites every three days

*trouble shooting pump errors

*inserting a sensor every 6 days

*trouble shooting sensor errors

*feeling the pump and sensor lump in your belly/butt/side when you sleep at night

*$ out the yin yang for pump supplies, meter supplies, insulin and dr. visits

*having unsightly lumps/bruises/red marks in your belly/back/butt from the pump and sensor

*waking up in the middle of the night with low blood sugars but using that data to adjust pump settings

*feeling nauseous, dehydrated and generally like shiz from high blood sugars

*having people stare at you and wonder what you're doing with a "pager" that makes beeping noises all day

*taking extra time in security at the airport to explain all of said medical madness

*giving up all products containing flour of any sort and beer

all add up to: 

Big ups to:

 who I know, is ultimately in control, and who lead me to Dr. Holt

 greatest endocrinologist ever, 
and Jennifer Spain, 

 greatest acupuncturist ever.

Gracias to my family and hubs too for always being so encouraging and supportive!

Thanks y'all! 

I'm tryin to tell y'all that ain't nothin like this happened to Shug in Boots since she was like 10 before any sort of hormonal madness happened and gluten reallllly started to wreak havoc apparently ... plus all those times as a teen when I just did not EVEN care. Anyway, point is - this ain't happened in FO-EVAAAAAA!!!!

Groundbreakin, suga bees!!!

I was surprised to learn that it's pretty common for Type I's to have gluten allergies. Giving up gluten has changed my liiiiiiiiife, y'all! Totally blown away. 

If you are afflicted with the dia-bee-tus, or know someone who is - these are the main things that I've found to be awesome:

1) try not to eat more than 30g carbs at one sitting

2) drink lots of water (and if you can't help yourself, at least avoid caffeine)

3) NatureMade vitamin diabetes vitamin packs Just look how awesome this chick's life is as a result:

4) take an omega-3 supplement

5) and for me, eliminating gluten made my blood sugars much easier to manage, got rid of back pain in the kidney area that I've had for YEARS, got rid of unexplained knee pain I've had for YEARS (I used to not be able to even bend that guy, now - bend away!), hormone regulation, MY HAIR QUIT FALLING OUT AND NEW HAIR IS GROWING IN ITS PLACE!!!, annnnd, I don't get up to pee 3 times a night. Matter of fact - I don't get up at alllll!!!! 

Can y'all believe that?!?!

Don't Even Look @ Me w/ that Tone!

Ever have those days where you just think too much? Like, you smile and everything's magical and you are Ms. Optimism, because you KNOW you have so much to be grateful for?

But then - some days - you just feel crabby. (Thanks Boeger - I love this word now - use it all the time). Like, if you think/act/be positive for 100 days, then you can have 1 whiny day? That's how I feel right this minute.

* If you are reading this, and you were hoping for some Susie Sunshine today. Sorry - I tied her up, stuffed a sock in her mouth and hid her in the closet. If this frightens you, kindly click the red X at the top right of the screen.

I did not want my blog to become a place to rant/feel sorry for myself/ complain/whine. After all - it clearly says in my "About Me" that I hate whiners. So today, I hate myself.

Today is one of those - I feel fat/gross. My face looks terrible. I need to squeeze my husband. Where the hell am I going to work next year? Why is everything hard and complicated? What am I going to do with my life? What is God trying to teach me right now? Uhhh - Patience/anger management/trust you are probably thinking. You are probably right. Maybe I suck at learning.


And dia-bee-tus, I got a bone to pick with you!: (In the form of a random rant/list)


Dear Sensor - you are so dang loud and noisy ALL THE TIME. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is it so friggin hard for my body to figure out and use the insulin I put into it? Is it not enough for you that I check my blood a million friggin times a day? And count every carbohydrate I put into my mouth? And monitor how many Diet Cokes I drink because I know that the dehydration will jack up my blood sugars? How about walking around looking like a freak of nature with shit plugged in all over my body? And beeping and buzzing and having RUDE INCONSIDERATE people stare like I CAN'T SEE THEM FRIGGIN STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

Furthermore, blood sugars, I AM SICK of you telling me when I can work out. When I can eat. I AM SICK of you NOT doing what you are supposed to do, when I am doing my damnedest to hold up my end of the deal! WHAT DO YOU FRIGGIN WANT FROM ME?!?!

Dear Pancreas - who peed in your Corn Flakes???? You are a spoiled brat! And here's what else - you are MOODY!!!!!! One day - you are doing just lovely. The next, my blood's like a roller coaster because YOU ARE A SLACKER WHO DOESN'T DO HER JOB! You SUCK! Do you hear me?  I AM SICK of doing everything you ask, and yet, you still crap on me! Pooh on YOU, dia-bee-tus. You have issues!

Next - I am sick of the uncertainty! I need Jesus to send me a text/email/call me ... letting me know how everything in my life is going to pan out. Because I AM NOT PATIENT. I suck! I thought I was patient. But, not patient enough. Doesn't Jesus know that I am a control-freak who always needs to know the plan?

Yes, He does. He wants me to learn that everything ain't about me and my plans, I suppose.

Where is all this madness coming from you ask? I have no idea. But I don't like it any better than you do. GO AWAY PISSY MOOD!

After re-reading what I've written, I want to delete all of this and go back into my positive-thinking-turtle-shell, but I won't.

Just because - it makes me feel better when I read that other people are having a hard day/life too. Then I know that I am not the only one.

If you think I'm nuts and need medication, send me an email. And I will delete it.

Meanwhile - in reality - I KNOW THAT 

{One}

GOD DOES KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING. 

{Two}

HE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME (OR ANY OF US) ANYTHING WE CAN'T HANDLE.

{Three}

HE DOESN'T WANT US TO LEAN ON OUR UNDERSTANDING - BUT TO TRUST HIM INSTEAD.

{Four}

If you pray for patience - HE WILL TEACH YOU PATIENCE, AND YOU PROLLY AIN'T GONNA LIKE THE LESSON PLAN.

{Five}

WHINING DOESN'T HELP

{Six}

HE'S ALWAYS WORKING, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT WHILE HE'S STILL IN THE PROCESS.

On a happier note - today is HUMP DAY.

I (and everyone around me) really hope this rip-the-head-off-a-kitten mood/outlook is gone SOON! 

To all of you crazies who love and put up with me anyway - I will keep praying for you too! 

Love, 

B

BRanG iT ONNN DiaBEEtuss!

Last night, I reconnected with a friend I haven't talked to since MIDDLE SCHOOL! Can you believe that? I lived in VA briefly and then back to NC all thereafter, and sadly I lost touch with a bunch of my 8th grade girls. But, it's so amazing how two people can just pick right back up, like we had just talked last week. (Thanks Facebook).

Most of our conversation was about insulin pumps. :) (HOW EXCITING!!) She's a diabetic too. Bless our hearts. But, I know that it's made me a much stronger person, and God wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle. I don't think I'd know what to do if they suddenly came up with a cure tomorrow. People who know me are used to me saying "I'm low" or "I'm high" and they know I'm talking about my blood sugar. Random strangers, on the other hand, were kinda fun - they'd look at my mom like, "Oh my word, what is she doing to that child?!" especially after she responded, well, "You can take another shot when we get home." Hehehe.

Before my insulin pump, I'd whip out my syringe at 9 years old at Mickey D's and shoot my insulin into my thigh before woofin' down my kids meal and going to play on the play ground. (This was the spring-coiled rocking Hamburgler and Ronald McDonald glued to the bench...the "balls pit" was way after my time). For years, I was terrrrrrified of the thought of having a pump. I refused to have something "attached" to me all the time. But, HOLY MONKEY, it's like an electronic pancreas. I'm so blessed to live in a time when we have such fantastic gadgets.

I used to be self conscious about the site (where you put the other end of the tubing into your skin) showing...but now I'll be at the pool or the beach w/ a silver dollar sized "hook up" on my stomach, and I'm like, "What? You've never seen an insulin pump site before?" You learn to get over what people think. (Although in high school I bout gave this guy a heart attack b/c he had a few questions about my taking injections in his car. No worries! It's just insulin! ;))

Chick w/ pump courtesy of new house photos.

Anyhoo, day to day, it doesn't bother me, we've come a lonnnnnnnnnnng way, baby. I remember it taking 2 whole minutes to check my blood sugar (now it's 5 seconds), and I took shots of insulin made from PIGS AND COWS! (now my magical insulin pump takes care of almost everything for me)... but I do sometimes worry about .........dum ...dum dum.dum DUM.......babies. Ever seen Steel Magnolias? Whew. Everything's gravy and then, boom! The kidneys shut down. Next thing you know, M'Lynn is running all over the cemetery in hysterics. My doctor says, "Beth, you know that movie was made in 1989 and we've come such a long way."

But I know, all in all, it's in the Lord's hands. Sure, it's my job to be responsible and do the best I can, but I know that plenty of "normal" chicks have pregnancy complications everyday. Talking to my fellow pumper last night (who has 3 gorgeous healthy children) was really inspiring. Go her! If she can be magical and have an A1c of 5.5, then by golly, why can't I? It's onnnnnnnnn. (For those of you are like what in Moses' name is an A1c?, it basically is a target for your blood sugars).

So, as we were wrapping up our conversation around 1 a.m., I was thinking, the Lord answers us in all sorts of ways. This is something that's been on my mind, and I believe He gets creative with how He talks to us - including sending us a friend who "gets it" in a time of need. I felt so motivated and inspired after talking to her. I know that God puts people in our lives for a reason, and oftentimes, He talks to us through them. Of this, I'm sure.

So, I am sooooooooo ready! Brang it on, dia-bee-tuss. ( I love 80 year olds who pronounce it that way...know the commercial w/ that old dude ridin the horse who says Dia-bee-tuss.) Like nails on a chalk board. Or even better, reallllllllll OLD SCHOOL people who say, "Ohhh, bless uh heart, she got tha sugah." Well, guess what - You right? I do gots tha sugah.