Do What Makes You Feel Good

I been thinkin - I've gotten up earlier, and had more exercise in three days than like, ever in my life thanks to lil Broham below.  I was also thinkin, how his precious little existence just brightens my day. Just me, Brady and the Pistol Annies, ridin along in Sylvia on the way to wherever the road may take us. And, clearly, he must enjoy his bone like I enjoy a Regular Coke:

After Brady was done devouring his bone, we went on one of our magical walks - where Brady pees on every plant, and sniffs every blade of grass and coaxes ALL the dogs in the neighborhood to flee from their yards and run after us so their owners can get some exercise by running after them like crazy people. But tonight's walk was even more magical than normal. It was a personal break-through.
Y'all ain't ever gone ba-lieve dis!

We were walkin along, and it's startin to get kinda dark - and I spot it. 

A nazz-tastic, little DIAMOND BACKED SNAKE. Whatttttttt theeeeeeeee fuuuuuuuuuuudge?!?!?!?!

Y'all. My heart was poundin! Scraight up! Y'all knowwwww how I been havin snake nightmares for the last 10 years (literally) - and have always been scared to death of a snake. Big or small. Black or white or purple. Whatev. Don't matta! Good snake = dead snake. Do y'all not remember that the devil was a serpent in the Bible?! Hellllo!!!! 

I thought - this is it. I can be a big ole pooh and run from him, or I can kick his little serpent arse. 

Which option do you think I took?

..............

........

....

I looked left. I looked right. Meanwhile, homeboy is just layin his nasty self all up in the road. Gah-ross! Some neighbors had a bunch of big honkin rocks in the ditch. So, natch, I grabbed one of those. 

and 

BAM!

BAM!

WHA-BAMMM!

AND BAM AGAIN! 

I decapitated his nasty sick self with a large rock. Then I bludgeoned the rest of him. And - I liked really, really, thoroughly enjoyed it. And I watched him open his disgusting little mouth to try and bite me the whole time. Sucker.

Meanwhile, dude runnin on the other side of the road prolly called the po-lice to come pick up the nut job in the middle of the street with her ipod, a black lab, and a great big ole rock.

I'm not quite up to my Aunt Sherry's snake killin skills, but this is a huuuuge step for me. I can't wait to tell my acupuncturist. She will be so proud.

And here's what I learned: 

1) Brady ain't NO kinda good at alerting you of snakes. He had NO CLUE I was murdering a snake RIGHT BEFORE his eyes. 

2) I shoulda carried my phone with me. Because, I shO did come back home to get my phone to take a pic of his dead ass and when I got back I couldn't find him. That's how sneaky he is. Blendin in thinkin he's all clever.

The post would've been soooo much better with a pic, I know, but I had traffic stopped and I just couldn't find him. Sorry. But, this is still a huge milestone for me. Aren't y'all proud?

Well, guess what? 

His head can kiss his ass good bye!

The end. 

You can learn about my Aunt Sherry's bomb snake killin skills and my snake nightmares here.

Sweet dreams!

Just Thow it in There, Thursday

WARNING:
This post contains rambling, random re-caps and photo overload. Thank you, enjoy your stay.

I. am one sorry blogger. I haven't blogged in over a week. I know. I suck. But - I've had stuff goin' on. (Not important stuff, but stuff). So, if you are reading here today, I thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Here's the excitement that has been my life and the reason for my blog neglect (Warning. It's all totally lame.):

1) I have been sleepy everyday for 3 weeks. I am trying to free myself from the hold of Diet Coke and Diet Mt. Dew. It SUCKS. So, after work, and tutoring, and draaaaaaaggin my fatness to the gym, I talk to Anj, and crawl into my heated mattress pad bed which makes my lower back stop hurting, and drift off into my coma, until I have to drag myself back out the next mornin.

2) I discovered this website and I feel that I may be a mother just like this,  A Momma's Desires and Pacifiers I don't think I can be fake long enough to be a happy, singing, khaki-and-button-down-shirt-wearin kind of mama. More like, "I am telling you NO now. And if I have to tell you this again, the answer is STILL NO, and YOU WILL get ya bottom TOE up! Do you hear me?"

3) I have been resisting the urge to drink a nice collllld Diet Mt. Dew from the vending machine which is just steps away my friends. Just a few. short. steps. (when I am at work) orrrrr a nice cold Diet Coke which is just right there IN THE FRIDGE at home.

4) I went to North Myrtle for Memorial Day and had the following experiences:




Yummy produce/homemade goods/ice cream/meats/little grill place on the way down.

Once we arrived ...

Supper that night ...

In 10 minutes, dude NEVER actually lit the cigarette.

Bike Week ...

Ticket?! Whatchu mean I was revvin' it up?

there are no words ...

Beach Music at Duck's ...

And afterward ...

Tent is CLUTCH when it comes to being on the beach for all day lonnng ... thanks Coopers!

When Anj takes pictures, it's "Go!" - no warning whatsoever.

Carolina cooler under NC State tent = CLEARLY we needed more room for our foods and bevs. Thanks Hayden! ;)

All you can eat crab legs ...

Please know that Anj Davis got his money's worth for realz. Loves him some crab legs.

Walkin around at Barefoot Landing ...

5a) Clearly, I'm a failure for having to be reminded to mention this little discovery/new love:

+

+

+

=

Straight Memorial Day/Bike Week Magic

....

or, as Lois Ellen and I so dubbed this new Heaven-In-Your-Mouth:

THE Arnold D'Andre Palmer

Drank one for me, Shuga!

6) I made chicken salad. Time consuming. A separate post.

7) I have been feeling grouchy/whiny (again) about my diabetes and being a girl and how together, I want to get a machine gun and fire away at both of them until I am back to optimal health.

8) I have been feeling guilty about not blogging.

9) Sylvia went to Brotha Man E's Car Service and got a new Fuel Assembly AND a new crank position shaft. She is so spoiled with her tantrums. I think she wrecks herself for the attention.

10) I have been thinking about how my legs aren't as shapely as they used to be.

11) After thinkin about the lack of shapeliness of my legs - and the rest of me - I feel guilty and go to the gym, where I feel angry because my Sweet Lil Buds for my ipod are faulty. I CANNOT use the HU-FRIGGIN-MONGOUS ear thingies that come with the ipod because my ear holes are notttttttttt that large. IT BLOWS MY MIND THAT ANYONE'S ARE. Anyway, I guess one of the ear buds got too sweaty and just kicked the bucket. Note to self - go buy new earbuds.

12) I have been freaking out about how snakes are for real. I have spent A LOT of time thinking about how God made snakes too. They won't hurt you unless you hurt them. What's the chance of actually seeing one? Etc. But then, I realize these are all actually falsehoods. And - my aunt sent me this in an email and I am still seeing the images flash vividly in my mind at random points throughout the day:

Look who tried to come up in here today. He was not even a foot away from my shoe & tried to come in when I opened the door to see why the dogs were having a fit.

 Then, FIVE DAYS LATER, she sent me this in an email:

Guess his widow came looking for him.

WHAT. THE. DEUCE. FRANDS? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

13) I've been dreaming of going to Texas. And boots. And cowboys. And Junk Gypsies. And Lauren M. M. B. C. (in true southern form, she has five names - only married once, though. ;) )

14) I've been missin the Shimmer Lotion that Jergens used to make. It didn't cost an arm and a leg and it helped make your legs look yummy and toned. Jergens - Why?! Why?! WHY?!

15) I have spent a total of ~ 8 hours at Verizon. In two days. But I got this, which I am still learnin about. I am not tech savvy.



16) I have been working with fellow in-laws and hubs to plan a fish fry at Ma and Pa Davis's. My task: potato salad.

17) I have been reading trash like People magazine and thinking how flippin' HIDEOUS Kim Kardashian's ring is. Who knew she had a boyfriend? Why are they even famous? Are they divorced yet?

18) I have been spending a lot of time being jealous of people born with beautiful thick hair. Then I remember that I even have hair, which is enough to be grateful for. And I shut the front door.

19) Wondering - how do omens/good signs start? I think they run rampant in the south. Mama is whacked out because she saw a dead red bird. I told her not to worry, I once murdered one with my friend's truck, and the bird's corpse rode quite a ways down 49 in the grill. Nothin bad happened. Good actually. I met my hubs after a ROUCH one year+ of jackwagons. However, I heard an owl several weeks ago. On two different nights. Somebody did die. Thankfully, it was just Osama's dumbass.

20) Trend Alert: My mama went to the dentist this week, and was readin Redbook in the waiting area, and learned that some sneaky researchers secretly determined what men search for on the internet regarding the lady folk, and the study found that men look most for middle aged women who are curvaceous and have somethin to hold onto. So, in my mama's words, "Young skinny b*****s are out and middle-aged women with some meat on 'em are in!" REJOICE! Good knews, because I know I got some parts that just are what they are no matter how long I'm at the gym or how many biscuits I resist. Whoop! Whoop!

I am ashamed to say that by the end of this post, I have in fact, opened a delicious, cold, beverage of the Diet Mountain Dew variety. And let me just say, the can is so cold, I cannot hold it without a koozie. The DMD is icy, refreshing, and like glitter in my veins. I am not proud of myself, for I have fallen off the wagon. Tomorrow is another day.

Sweeeet Dreammmmmmmmzzzzzz

I am so friggin' tired of dreaming (nightmaring) about SNAKES. Since I was about 20, I guess, I've been having these TERRIBLE snake dreams. There is always a snake somewhere..I'll walk across it in a path, it crawled in the house through some sort of opening, it's hanging from a tree, etc. Green glowy snakes, yellow stripey snakes, shiny, slicky wet-looking snakes. UGHHHHHH! NASTY! NASTY! NASTY! I Hate them!!! I have always been terrified of them. To me, the only good snake is a dead one. Usually, the snake is chasing me, sometimes in mid air, and I catch it JUUUUUUUUUUUST before it bites me in my neck. Sort of like this dude in the picture:

I mean, I have these dreams 2 or 3 times of week, and have been having them for yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs. I guess they are anxiety related? Am I that stressed out?  

I went through a brief "break" from the snake nightmares, when I was a senior in college. Don't ask me what that was about, because it certainly wasn't a stress free period in my life. Also, when I lived at the beach briefly, and I could hear the ocean outside, I started having tidal wave nightmares. They continued for a couple years after leaving the beach. (My brain is NOT NORMAL). My family and I would be in a house - real "shambly" and the only thing left is the frame of the house basically, and the floors, and we are sitting there, staring at the tidal wave coming toward us, but we don't even try to run because we know there's not enough time to escape. Then I start to feel like I can't breathe.

Image from Manausa.com

Finally, my third reason to fear going to sleep: CATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSS. I mean, just straight up regular house cats. In real life, I am NOT scared of cats, but I do hate them. In my dream, the cat seems normal, you know, just creepin around rubbing up against people's legs while they sit on the couch. But, I catch the cat giving me the evil eye when other people aren't looking. And then ...........ATTACK!! The cat's tiny little sharp teeth come out and try to attack my neck/face...just like the snakes. 

reoawwwwwrrrrrrrrrr