Okay, ladies, let's have a discussion. Raise your hand if you've ever been cheated on. Okay, if your hand's not up, I can bet that you've counseled a girlfriend who's gone through the whole, "I can't believe he did this to me"/weight gain (or loss)/I can't do anything without being reminded of him/you wish she'd shut up about it ordeal. (I mean, I been there myself, who hasn't?)
Or hey, maybe he wasn't a cheater, but he was just a skeezer in some other way. Maybe everything was always your fault (even his screw ups). I once had an ex who got a ticket for flying like a bat out of hades, but of course it was my fault because we were going to my parents' house. Reaaaaaally Shug? Umm, no thanks. Maybe that pouty blame-everybody-else-for-your-own-incompetence/screw-ups thing worked as a child but I'm not your mama. Maybe you were just drivin too fast and the cop didn't care about how cool your oversized tires were. Ugh. Thank Goddddd for gettin' me out of that diiiiiiiiisaster I called a relationship. I mean, maybe he wasn't that bad. But he sho nuff won't for me. (My sweet Anj is sooooo much better). Anyhoooooooooooo... That was the day for me. The day that all my gut feelings got the best of me and I was like, you know what? I'm done with trying to raise my boyfriend.
Or, maybe everything is about him - his friends, not yours, his family, not yours, he's too tired to do what you want to do, but you're supposed to paint on a smile, and stay a size two & prance around like a doll baby to every event of his life that's oh sooooooo important (and bring a covered dish). You're supposed to just understannnnnnd why he's two hours late coming home because he was doin this that and the other and now you're gonna be late to the event with your friends (cause he doesn't wanna go). Or how about, "My husband's not here. He's never here. You just wait til y'all are married, you won't get him to go anywhere with you." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy goooooooooooooosh. What is wrong with people? I was like, "Umm, say what now?!" Anj Davis goes with me to stuff he may be less than thrilled about, but guess what, I do the same. It's called compromise...not, club a guy over the head and convince him to marry you just so you can pop out babies.
Why do ladies confuse being a desirable girlfriend/wife with losing all of yourself?
Whatever it is, ladies, YOUR GUT IS TRYIN' TO TELL YOUR FOGGGGGGY BRAIN WHATTTTTTT IS GOING ON, but we don't want to listen. He's so hot, he's got a great job, I love his mama...whatever dude. It'll catch up with you. You gonna marrrrrrrrry this anus and reproduce and raise other innocent humans in this misery that you keep pushing to the bottom of your gut. GOD MADE YOU FOR MORE OF A PURPOSE THAN THAT.
We've all been there. Took me forever to get over Mr. Big Tires, but I did and met and married a man that I wouldn't trade in for anything on God's Green Earth. The bottom line is, IF YOU KEEP TALKING TO HIM, AND JUST WON'T LET IT GO - MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOURSELF YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE MANURE ON THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOE, because that's suuuuuuure what he's hearing.
I'm guessing this may sound harsh, but for years, after watching friends in high school puke up their Dr. Pepper over some boy who was NEVER worth their time or not eat for a week because, "If I lose weight, he'll see what he's missed"...VO-MIT! I'll tell you what he sees - the same doormat, but skinnier. Or a college friend who consoled herself through a break up by being skinnier than the new gf and "showing" up where she knew be to "show him what he's missing." Ummm, he knows what he's missing and he chose to leave it. Soooo, pick yourself up, bid him goodbye and move on to someone who deserves you. Ladies, let's have a little self-appreciation and respect. I been there, and I HATE WATCHING MY FELLOW SHUGS PLAY THEIR OWN FACES LIKE THIS.
Here's the kicker: Maybe he has some legitimate reason for being "the way he is"...he was abused, he doesn't know howwwwww to love, etc, etc, etc....may be true (probably not)....but THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S YOUR JOB TO FIX HIM!!! Why? Why? Why? Don't fall for it!
*NEWSFLASH* This just in: The man of your dreams is not going to come along and pull you out of your bed of tissues and chocolate while you're worrying over some @rsehole. He also ain't gonna teach you to LOVE YOURSELF. You gotta do that on your own.
My advice (believe or not, some people ask me for it on purpose):
- Mentally decide you need to be over him first (You won't everrrrrrr get over him unless you actually believe that you are better off without him).
- PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! Noooooooooot for him to come back, or for y'all to get back together, but for God to help you see how to love yourself and to lead you to a godly man who is WORTH YOUR TIME & LOVE and who will actually RECIPROCATE! (imagine the possibilities...God made plennnnnty of amazing men, one is waiting for YOU!)
- cut off allllllllll contact! If he did something crappy to you as a boyfriend/fiance/husband...he prolly ain't gonna be worth a damn as a friend either. Let's be real. (An amicable break up may have some shot at a friendship...but this is a recipe for disaster b/c all too often, those feelings are "still there"). Change numbers, don't reply to emails, defriend him on FB, take down all those gross pics of y'all together, untag pics of y'all together (or of him) that friends have up, don't go where he is (plus, you'll look like a desperate idiot to him and his friends)
- Get rid of all the CRAP - adorable photos, cutesy gifts, sentimental junk - burn it, donate it, give it to kids to make crafts with, whatever...Get. Rid. Of. It. All.
- "Reward" yourself...say, "I haven't called him/stalked his facebook/nagged my friends about him etc....in a week/month ... whatever...so now I'm gonna buy myself those jeans I've been wanting, or I'm gonna take a beach trip with my girls...whatever tickles your pickle.
- DON'T RUSH INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP to help you forget the old guy...all you'll end up doing is comparing the two dudes which is so psycho and unfair to the new innocent victim.
- Get some exercise (to make yourself feel better, not to run until you're skinny enough to be worthy of his love - DIS-EASEEEEEE)
- Do fun things you always loved doing and some new things you'd like to try
- Reconnect with your old friends
- Surround yourself with people who LOVE and RESPECT you (people who don't want to talk about "it")
- LOVE YOUUUUUUUU b/c no guy will until you do... ;)