But then - some days - you just feel crabby. (Thanks Boeger - I love this word now - use it all the time). Like, if you think/act/be positive for 100 days, then you can have 1 whiny day? That's how I feel right this minute.
* If you are reading this, and you were hoping for some Susie Sunshine today. Sorry - I tied her up, stuffed a sock in her mouth and hid her in the closet. If this frightens you, kindly click the red X at the top right of the screen.
I did not want my blog to become a place to rant/feel sorry for myself/ complain/whine. After all - it clearly says in my "About Me" that I hate whiners. So today, I hate myself.
Today is one of those - I feel fat/gross. My face looks terrible. I need to squeeze my husband. Where the hell am I going to work next year? Why is everything hard and complicated? What am I going to do with my life? What is God trying to teach me right now? Uhhh - Patience/anger management/trust you are probably thinking. You are probably right. Maybe I suck at learning.
And dia-bee-tus, I got a bone to pick with you!: (In the form of a random rant/list)
Dear Sensor - you are so dang loud and noisy ALL THE TIME. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is it so friggin hard for my body to figure out and use the insulin I put into it? Is it not enough for you that I check my blood a million friggin times a day? And count every carbohydrate I put into my mouth? And monitor how many Diet Cokes I drink because I know that the dehydration will jack up my blood sugars? How about walking around looking like a freak of nature with shit plugged in all over my body? And beeping and buzzing and having RUDE INCONSIDERATE people stare like I CAN'T SEE THEM FRIGGIN STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!
Furthermore, blood sugars, I AM SICK of you telling me when I can work out. When I can eat. I AM SICK of you NOT doing what you are supposed to do, when I am doing my damnedest to hold up my end of the deal! WHAT DO YOU FRIGGIN WANT FROM ME?!?!
Dear Pancreas - who peed in your Corn Flakes???? You are a spoiled brat! And here's what else - you are MOODY!!!!!! One day - you are doing just lovely. The next, my blood's like a roller coaster because YOU ARE A SLACKER WHO DOESN'T DO HER JOB! You SUCK! Do you hear me? I AM SICK of doing everything you ask, and yet, you still crap on me! Pooh on YOU, dia-bee-tus. You have issues!
Next - I am sick of the uncertainty! I need Jesus to send me a text/email/call me ... letting me know how everything in my life is going to pan out. Because I AM NOT PATIENT. I suck! I thought I was patient. But, not patient enough. Doesn't Jesus know that I am a control-freak who always needs to know the plan?
Yes, He does. He wants me to learn that everything ain't about me and my plans, I suppose.
Where is all this madness coming from you ask? I have no idea. But I don't like it any better than you do. GO AWAY PISSY MOOD!
After re-reading what I've written, I want to delete all of this and go back into my positive-thinking-turtle-shell, but I won't.
Just because - it makes me feel better when I read that other people are having a hard day/life too. Then I know that I am not the only one.
If you think I'm nuts and need medication, send me an email. And I will delete it.
Meanwhile - in reality - I KNOW THAT
GOD DOES KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING.
HE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME (OR ANY OF US) ANYTHING WE CAN'T HANDLE.
HE DOESN'T WANT US TO LEAN ON OUR UNDERSTANDING - BUT TO TRUST HIM INSTEAD.
If you pray for patience - HE WILL TEACH YOU PATIENCE, AND YOU PROLLY AIN'T GONNA LIKE THE LESSON PLAN.
WHINING DOESN'T HELP
HE'S ALWAYS WORKING, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT WHILE HE'S STILL IN THE PROCESS.
On a happier note - today is HUMP DAY.
I (and everyone around me) really hope this rip-the-head-off-a-kitten mood/outlook is gone SOON!
To all of you crazies who love and put up with me anyway - I will keep praying for you too!