29 November 2012

on having babies

* this post inspired by this one ... her whole blog is awesome, check it out, and also by conversations i've had with numerous friends lately

babies - isn't it an interesting topic? or is it a taboo one?
for so long, i wanted to have a baby, but i never blogged about it, or told anyone i wasn't close to. why? i'm not really sure. i basically think that i didn't want to hear everyone's opinions about EVERYTHING - when to have em, how many to have, which gyno to trust, which hospital to deliver in, whether or not to have an epidural, HOW to get pregnant. seriously, all you people out there givin unsolicited "advice", STFU. really.
then, i sort of went the opposite extreme, and told everyone i had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. i guess the point is, you can't really hide from people's "advice" .. you just learn to tell them you don't care to hear their opinions. it wasn't something i wanted to deal with in secret. i felt better after sharing. others aren't so open. to each her own.

then there's the IF ... some people don't want kids - and other people make them feel like something is wrong with them for feeling that way. well, is it any of your damn business? nope.

some people got in laws with the nerve to tell you that they don't think you should have anymore because the one you have is enough. EXCUSE ME?!

then there's people in your own damn family holding a grudge because they don't like the baby's name, or you didn't name him after so-and-so, or you took somebody else's advice over theirs. GET OVER YOURSELF!

sometimes, one spouse is ready, and the other is not, and the one who's not is considered selfish. WELL guess what? NOBODY SHOULD HAVE KIDS BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE TOLD THEM IT WAS TIME. i mean, who the hell do they think is gonna raise these younguns? if you wanna tell somebody when and how to get pregnant, then you better be willin to raise their kids and pay for that shit too.

then - there's when the kid is actually here ... co-sleeping, crib-sleeping, crying it out, nursing vs. bottle feeding, cloth diapers or disposable, Montessori or whatever you call people who just do whatever, or mamas who choose to stay home instead of work, or mamas who choose to work instead of stay home ... regardless, if the parents want your help or opinion, they will ask.

or, while we're on that topic, how bout people tellin you when it's time to get married? when it's time to have your second child?

whatever happened to the art of mindin your own damn business? Seriously.

i was talking with a friend the other day about how things are different when you are grown. especially when you are married. as a child, your parents and your family were your guides. they taught you everything you know, whether directly or indirectly. but, as an adult, you have to put your own marriage and family first, and do what you think is best, whether his mama or your mama or your maw-maw or whoever likes it or not. 

to all the people in my life who have supported without judgment or unsolicited advice, thanks. this is why i still like you. 

that is all for right this second.


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