06 January 2014


Maybe some people genuinely don't realize how hurtful it is to ask/say things to people about babies, period. 

"When are y'all gonna have one?"
"When are y'all gonna have another one?"
Telling people how many they need.
Telling people they don't need another one.
Looking at people like they're insane because they don't want any kids at all.

And this article, about people who say things regarding the gender of children, hit the nail on the head. I first saw it from a friend's post on Facebook. It circulated quickly and many people felt strongly about it. 
Many parents (with all boys, all girls, and even one of each) had been offended by people's thoughtless comments. So, I thought it was important to think about, and I wanted to share it on here.

People - do not assume that if a couple has children who are all the same gender, that they are depressed and devastated by what God gave them. I certainly hope they don't feel that way.

Don't say things to imply that they should try again because they still didn't get it right.
And don't assume that people who have a boy and a girl have it made and should just stop trying for more.

Comments like these are likely offending the parents, and the kids who are hearing things to imply that they were their parents' second choice in the gender department.
Little ears pick up on more than you realize.

Certainly, raising boys and raising girls are going to look different.
Yes, there will be things that you miss out on. 

But, guess what?

All babies are blessings from the Lord above.
Plenty of people have gone through agonizing heartache over the loss of a child, or multiple losses, or the struggle to conceive at all, and would love the opportunity to be exhausted and overwhelmed by all those rambunctious boys, or by all those giggly girls.

Don't assume that if a couple has no children it's because they aren't trying.
Who knows what they are going through, and you asking them where the babies are is just like salt in the wound.
Likewise, don't assume that people who don't have children are just waiting ... they have a right to decide they may not want any.

I'm not posting this to piss anyone off or call anyone out.
I'm posting it because I genuinely think people have no idea how these comments sound or feel.
Think before you speak.
After all, the Lord doesn't make mistakes.


put a bow on it [kaitlyn] said...

Love this SO much. I LOVE AP's blog and the post you linked to. You put into words what I can only think in my head, it comes out as mush.

KayLynn said...

I have a child from a previous marriage. After my current husband and I got married everyone thought it would be okay to ask, "When are you going to give your new husband a child of his own". No one ever considered that we may have our hands full with the 1 child, or I already had, since he considered her his own, and number 3 we HAD tried for more and I lost the baby it just wasn't meant to be.

I find it rude that people, while meaning well, ask such a personal question or make such statements.

Allison said...

Preach it. And thanks for that. I completely agree - all children are a special gift from the Lord above!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

It drives me totally insane when people ask about someone having kids or not having kids or having more kids. There is nothing more NOT YOUR BUSINESS than that. Nothing. Not to mention the fact that some people can't have kids, and how does that make them feel? Awful.

alexismcm said...

Amen sister. On all accounts!

Suze said...

I don't know why people feel it's okay to ask such personal questions or make comments like that. It's like in the arena of school, marriage, and babies, everybody feels they get to say their piece.