weekEND

how bout a lil weekend update for y'all now that the week is half over?
this past weekend, hubs went to CO to get his ski on, and my brothers' girlfrands came to play.

1//  palmetto cheese paired with
2//  munchos = heaven in ya mouf
3//  yep. this happened. circle of death. i am too old fa dis shit.
 4//  trip to the grocery. somebody needed approximately 10 mixers/chasers. #itwontme
5// phallic symbols on the fridge w/ magnets
6//  elijah takes the plunge into a margarita glass
7//  there was tons of sweet tea left over, which is bad news bears. i never keep this shit in my house for a reason.
8//  davis general store shirts were purchased
9//  new use for lodge cast iron cookware

continued ...

1//  somebody thought santa came when she spotted a 7 eleven

2//  naturally, slurpees were purchased. sylvia was plowin through traffic like a boss to get to them slurpees.

3//  me and the girlfrands

4//  me and the SIL, who met up with us for a bit

5//  who's on a gluten free diet? i ain't drinkin whiskey all night. sorry.

6//  it was a good time

somewhere in the mix were

some naps

coyote ugly

bomb ass sub sandwiches, chips, and grown up grilled cheeses

a search for clarifying shampoo (thanks ulta) ... do y'all use a clarifying shampoo? i got this one (for only $8.50 ... cheap from the others I saw), and i am in love:

oh, and i got these on our outing to target:

excited about that.

on sunday, i caught up on some sleep.

and picked up hubs who made it back from CO a lot easier than he made it out there, stupid airlines.

still drinkin' on some of that tea now. mmm

hope y'all are havin' a magical week, shugpies! 

dear ectopic & multiple personalities,

this is about to be one of those blunt posts, so if you're here for humor, today's probably not it. and, i'm acutally writing this on tuesday, but it won't post til friday, so i can assure you that by the time you read this, my mood will have changed.

over the weekend, i kept waiting for my period to come. it was a little late, but i wasn't getting my hopes up because i've learned that getting your hopes up will typically fuck you over backfire. {wait, i shouldn't have said that, i have so much to be grateful for, and the truth is, i have gotten my hopes up in many other areas of my life, and everything did turn out, just fine, in fact. if you are new here and have no idea what i'm talking about, you should read this post first.} it finally showed up on monday, just three days late. good, i thought. that's fine. the surgery was only a couple months ago, it's not like we've been trying for forever. i went on about my day, thankful that my body is regulating itself back out, and that i still have one healthy fallopian tube left. everything is just fine.

then, a friend texted me and told me she was pregnant and sent me a picture of the sonogram.
i told her congratulations, and then i cried for two hours that night, and more into the next day.
i just looked at the text, and that was it. just started crying so hard i could hardly talk. i just showed anj my phone.
anj was sitting there with me, asking me what i was thinking about and then i went through all of it all over again.

i had just spent the previous few days wanting to feel sad, because i didn't really. wondering what is wrong with me that i'm not distraught. i want to just feel terrible about everything that happened for a few days, weeks, whatever, and get it out of my system, and be done with it. but, instead, i feel totally awesome and then out of nowhere, BOOM. tears. tears of anger, rage, guilt, devastation, ... and then i just feel silly for feeling all of it, or any of it, or i don't even know, really.

it's like there are three me's.
me #1 is a bitter, jealous bitch. a bitch who swears that every single female of child bearing age within a 5,000 mile radius is pregnant. a bitch who is sick of facebook, and sick of instagram and the saturation of the free world with pictures of babies.

me #2 HATES me #1. the real, normal, before-the-ectopic me is nothing like me #1. i feel joy for my friends, and grateful that God has blessed them. And I KNOW THAT I WOULD BE THE SAME WAY IF I WERE PREGNANT/HAD A BABY. And they should be happy! That is normal.

me #3 is just guilty. guilty that i have any negative feelings whatsoever. why should i complain? it could have been worse. i could have bled to death. drs could be telling me that i can't have kids at all. even if i can't, i have a wonderful husband. i am so blessed in so many other ways, etc, etc, etc.

i feel like the regular, somewhat sane me is nowhere to be found when these three are around tag-teaming my brain. and i go from me #1 to me #2 to me #3 very rapidly - almost at the same time. they are like triplets who always travel together. rage, hating myself for being an evil bitch, and then just guilty that i'm not grateful enough for what i have already. rinse, repeat.

i am sick of this shit. really, really sick of it. 
nope, i won't be negative and ungrateful. 
i can't decide.
so,

dear the three me's, 

i get that y'all have been through some shit. but i am really over your whole disappear-and-then-pop-up-at-random act. i hate feeling like this. one day i feel one way, and the next day it can be the total opposite. who the hell do y'all think you are, robbing me of feeling happiness for my friends? because i know they would be happy for me if the tables were turned. 
i do NOT appreciate y'all just snatching away my control. control of how i feel and how i react. i am not crazy, and i don't appreciate y'all making me feel like i am.
y'all can pack your shit up and get on back to wherever it is that you were previously hiding, and stay there. 
i miss the normal, old, optimistic me, who is around 99% of the time.
you are not welcome here. 
i don't really know which of you i hate the most. all of you together are an especially ugly combination, given that you switch it up every 2.4 seconds. my husband never knows what to expect. neither do i. 
so, whenever you are done fucking with me, i'd love to get back to being optimistic and happy for my friends without having to go through a range of psycho emotions first. 

thanks!

yours truly,
sane, happy-for-others, not-feeling-sorry-for-myself me

i wasn't going to write this because guilty me was afraid of offending my preggo friend and hurting her feelings. but, sane me texted her and explained myself and warned her of this post so she wouldn't take it the wrong way. i sort of had an epiphany while i was texting her.
i told her: it's hard not having anywhere to place your anger. what happened is no one's fault. not mine, not andrew's, not the doctors', not God's, and not my friends' who are having healthy pregnancies right now.
i guess some say i could be mad at God if i wanted to. i tried to be, but it doesn't work. i cannot be mad at God because HE HAS DONE SO MANY POSITIVE THINGS FOR ME THAT I AM SO UNDESERVING OF. He could have stopped my ectopic. He could have made it a healthy pregnancy. but, i think if you can't learn to trust God ALL the time - through good and bad, you are screwed. God doesn't do halvsies.

and here's what else, ty posted about some chick who was PROUD that she had gotten married young and had all her kids in her early twenties. well, good for you, bitch. aren't you lucky? guess what. YOU didn't do any of that on your own account, God above is the only one who allowed you to have such blessings. i have not read that chick's post, but just the sheer thought of such shit simply enraged me. don't even get me started on people who take credit for everything in their lives with little or no credit given to God for what He has done.

that is all that i am aware that i am feeling right this second.

thanks for letting me vent. :)

now, since i'm definitely not pregnant, i am going to starbuck's to get the biggest pumpkin spice latte they will sell me.

xo

* update: since typing this post tuesday morning, i had a conversation with a new friend on tuesday afternoon and found out that she lost her baby at 22 weeks. twenty-two weeks! can you imagine?!  and now, i'm on the other end of the spectrum again, where i think i should just shut up and get over it because oh my word, it could clearly have been worse. but you know what, she was so positive! and so inspirational! and so full of everything that God stands for. even after all that! just what i needed to hear. :)

turning tricks with the girls

Actually, we were collecting tricks, while playing Crazy Bridge. 

Y'all, my friend Mary is THE SHIZNAT hostess. She organized this magical game night for us on Friday.

LOOK at the food.

She even made sure there were gluten-free options. This goat cheese masterpiece - OH. EMM. GEE.

And dranks.

She hunted for {and found} the most fab decks of cards!

So fun.

So laid back and relaxing.

So needed.

There was also a non-rubbin-your-leg cat who allowed me to take 165 pictures of him {her?} until I got the shot I wanted. {Couldn't get the squinted-eyes-to-avoid-flashing-light thing quite worked out there in the beginning.}

Go check out her blog, Tomato Dumplings for just a hint of her INsane cooking skillz.
{My friend Mary. It's her blog, not the cat's. Duh. Brody is the only animal who can read/write/type.}

Mary is the shiz, I'm tryin to tell you. Thanks again to Mary and her roomie for a fab Friday.

reasons people don't call me girly

But it's not as intense as it was as you can see evidenced in this photo:

You see, friends. I know my nails are a) done. b) pink. - which sort of contradicts this post title. Screw Nostradamus, this madness happenin here on ma nails could signal the end of the world. But, what you can't see in the photo is how badly I want to grab them with my teeth and rip the paint off, followed by intense biting down to the quick. But I need to stop. Right? So, I'm sitting here, staring at my nails, fighting the urge to attack them, thinkin, "I feel like bloggin. But, I don't really have anything appropriate to say." Then, I thought, "Gyahhhh. I wonder how long I can stand my nails like this. Hopefully the fact that I put forth effort to paint them will keep me from biting them and making them look haggard x10." Then, I kept on thinkin, "How did I come from someone so prissy?" And, this blog post was born. I give to you:

Reasons Why People Don't Call Me Girly

Enjoy.

* I HATE the mall. Well, I strongly dislike it. I like to go about once every 6 months when I know exactly what I'm looking for. And it's because I can't find it anywhere outside the mall. And plus, the mall makes me thirsty. And I hate water, so I inevitably end up consuming mass amounts of Diet Coke. Fail.

* I am not addicted to stuff that other chicks (apparently) love ... Grey's, The Real ho-wives of BlahBlahBlah, Kardashians, Bachelor, blah, blah, blah

* I pretty much dislike pink - especially in baby clothes ... I don't understand a couple of things:
 1) who started pink = girl, and blue = boy? Guess what? Not only am I not a pink-lover, I ain't down with baby blue either;
 2)coating an entire room in pink ... lace, ruffles, bows, ribbons, anything "princess" (die) ... I can handle a little floral, mixed with some stripes or something ... and a dash of pink occasionally, but not more than a dash.What's wrong with purple and green and yellow and pastels?

* Even though I constantly teach youngsters how inaprops it is to belch out, I totally do it all the time.

* I prefer beer, then Beam & Coke, then wine ... but I usually find wine to be nauseating and it makes my pulse race and my head throb.

* I don't allow other people to touch my diabetic feet to paint them. I've done this literally like twice in my life. GERMS. GROSS. And I can do that shiz at home for free. And Andrew will massage my feet if I ask him to.

* Monogramming must be kept to a minimum - flasks, keepsakes, LL Bean shiz.

* spas, massages, etc ... again, weirds me out. I don't want anybody rubbin me down that I ain't married to.

* I will pee outside if I have to (i.e., tailgating/mudslingin/after a second date on the way home and the nearest facility is waaaaaay over yonder somewhere. No thanks.

* I don't count calories or fat grams and eat rabbit food for lunch. NOT because I think I'm the hotness, but because I love food and I'm not willing to add more shiz to my "keep up with this" list. Just eat the damn fries. Thank you. And bring me some ranch to go with.

* Oftentimes, I am the one who is being rowdy/shouting obscenities at the other team at NC State football games. Sometimes, I think Andrew is genuinely embarrassed.

* I HATE heels. Both tarheels and pumps ;) Now, let me be clear. I think they are hot. But, I DO NOT wear them, unless I am in someone's wedding or attending some function that lasts no more than a few hours. My cowboy hoots are the highest heels I actually wear. I don't know how you shugpies wear them painful ass shoes. Ouch.

* I cuss like a sailor. I am starting to feel some guilt about this, however. It is a work in progress.

* I didn't give a royal rat's ass about the royal wedding

I DO, however enjoy the following:

* shopping at flea markets, thrift stores, consignment shops, and yard sales where I will purchase vintage fabrics that contain florals

* makeup - foundation, eyes, lips (although I didn't start wearing it until college) .. I don't get into "skin products"

* hair - so ready for this shiz to be long enough to pull up into some top knot - so admire you chicks with long, thick, magical hair

* acupuncture - my version of spa/pedicure/"me" time
 
* I don't so much mind painted piggies - but I like to do them myself, thank you.

* I do love me a leather handbag and some boots.

* Bachelorette weekends/girls' trips? Yes, please. Get. away. throw. down. 


Interesting because I totally did not play sports. (Except one random year of volleyball because I was "tall" {5'6" !!!} at the tiny tiny tiny high school I attended freshman year). That's right. I'm not girly OR athletic. Also, my mama is pretty prissy (or is high maintenance a better term?) She has a job that requires "dressing up" - everyday, skirts, hoses, accessorizing and some type of heel. Annnnnd she loves some girly decor and thinks my burps are absolutely horrendous. (I've caught her burping like that a handful of times, though. If this is my last post it's because my mom hid my body after reading this). She did her best to make me wear tights, but eventually the crotch grabbing from the incessant riiiiiding got old. And dance class? No dice. Just wasn't worth the weekly sob fest.

Also, one of my best friends is mayjahly girltastic, but I guess we just get where the line is in each others' taste. She was my MOH in my wedding, and her mother was our director, and they both had to BEG me to get my nails painted for the festivities. But I drew the line at an eyebrow wax. Hell to the naw. I've seen how some people look after some cray cray gets a hold of their eyebrows.

To each his her own.

Galentine's

Have you ever eaten at a delicious restaurant that serves food like this ...

on the night before Valentine's with a bunch of your girlfriends and called it Galentine's and opened fun prizes in fun bags like this?

No? 

You can start next year. 

I recommend. 

After all, Valentine's is a "holiday" which is essentially a lame reason to be doing what we ought to be doing all year anyway, right?

*Great idea, Kate. :)

But Cosmo, You Promised This Would Work!

 this is one of those posts I wrote and then wondered if I should publish, and then I decided, yeah ... I will. So here it is:

Attention America:

No need to raise your daughters or teach them anything about the opposite sex, self respect, or anything about marriage or what that even means. Or your sons, for that matter ... they don't need to know anything about anything because with Cosmo around, they will have girls (crazy ones, likely) throwin themselves at them, left and right.

Just a few tidbits from this month's issue: (my two cents is in italics/parentheses)

* how to totally entice a guy: master the subtle yet irresistible signal that body-language experts swear by ... "The lip bite brings out his inner caveman. Why? It causes blood to rush to your lips, which plumps and reddens your pout. Both are signs of fertility, and when a guy sees them, it sets off his primitive instinct, since he's subconsciously looking for a mate with whom he can reproduce. (Although, in his conscious mind, he just picked you up at a bar in the hot, short, dress Cosmo suggested you wear and he's pretty much just thinkin about gettin the goods. But don't worry, ladies, he is thinking of a mate with whom he can reproduce in his SUBconscious). But all that caveman business aside, the gesture also suggests that you're struggling to figure something out, which sparks his curiousity. (Guys love when you look confused and stupid). He sees that your wheels are turning (oh hell!!) and wants to know what's going on in there.

* how to know what kind of dude you've landed yourself based on what part of your body is his favorite. (All based on research of course).
- boobs - sexually adventurous
- legs - loves a powerful woman
- face - he's expressive
- ass - he has an alpha-male streak
(I guess if your man likes you and all of your 2,000 parts, then you should congratulate yourself, because you, Sugar, have landed yourself hookup/boyfriend/husband of the year.)

* when you should "pull the trigger" regarding friending him on Facebook. (people, this is serious shit - Cosmo did a survey, so it's totally legit)
 - no need to continue to fret and lose sleep over when to friend him on Facebook (never mind him havin the nuts to friend you ...)

* 8 things you can do to get his attention (again, clearly you need to step your game up to compete with tons of other beezies to prove to him that you are worthy of a conversation with him) ... here are a few:
- go wild on him, by stripping or coming up with some crazy game, as long as it's your idea
- geek out, show your nerdy side
- go au naturel (please ignore the fact that the entire magazine is full of tiny bodied, big boobied, highly made up, air brushed models and celebrities who are scantily clad straddling some dude ... but, again, the point of this tip is to not wear make up - because men find that to be really hot - it's your natural beauty that counts.)

* 91% of men say they'd pay $1,000 to make sure what happens at a bachelor party stays there. (Again ladies, this is for your own good - so you know that one day, when you get married (which you will clearly find a good man using all these helpful sex tricks and knowing how to do exactly what every man on earth wants), it will be okay if he and his buddies do tons of shit that is none of your business, and that he'd never feel comfortable having you know, Future Wifey. There is no reason to use his inappropriate behavior and lies thereafter as a reason not to trust him moving forward.)

* what spring shades HE digs and where HE wants you to wear them - just so you're clear
- i.e., on your body instead of your eye lids

* what things he doesn't need to know:
- for example, continually pull out secrets about yourself so he stays on the edge of his seat ... the more he feels he doesn't have you pegged, the more infatuated he'll be (you want him infatuated with you, mmmk?) .. so, like, don't explain that you took piano as a kid. Spring it on him instead. (the last thing you want is your man hittin it up with his secretary because you bored him too soon with your ability to play piano or speak Spanish. Whoop that excitement out years into the relationship ... if you haven't run him off by doing the wrong thing)

* how to get a peek into his personality by decoding his man bag (seriously??)

* what to do in tricky scenarios such as:
- my ex called to tell me that he screwed up and really wants to get back together ... but he's currently dating someone else! what does it mean and what should i do?  Cosmo's reply: What he's really saying is that he's not into his current girlfriend and would much rather be with you." (to be fair, Cosmo did go on to tell this chick that she shouldn't even discuss it with him until he's totally single. But, let's get real, Sugar. The fact he even has the nuts to call you while he's got some other dummy on hold shows his lack of trustworthiness/dependability/serious ego/ selfishness/etc etc etc. You should have hung up on him, and you shouldn't be wasting your time or Cosmo's by writing in.)

**************************

Okay, okay. Maybe I'm bein a lil hard on Cosmo. After all, nobody makes you buy it, right? I know, I know ... some of you are wondering why I'm even reading the magazine if I think it's such shit. Well, Cosmo is fine, if taken with a grain of salt and if you are not looking for guidance and self esteem. I kinda dig the makeup tutorials myself. And some of the fashion. And this is not to judge grown ass women who like reading Cosmo. Hey friends, I admit, when I was in high school and college, I loved some Cosmo. I'm just sayin, to me, it leans toward, "Here Honey. This is what you need to do to yourself to make him want you."

My point is not really about Cosmo - but reading this Cosmo just reminded me of the fact that so many young girls (and grown women) are living in this mentality that they need to be something specific (other than who they really are) to land and keep a guy.

It just breaks my heart to see girls OF ALL AGES from 5 to 65 doing all these things to be pretty enough, skinny enough, hot enough, popular enough, to get picked ... for cheerleading, to sit at the popular lunch table, hell there are even blogging cliques (vomit - how old are we?!). I don't think we realize how it sneaks into kids' brains, either. Dolls in full makeup and mini skirts made for 5 year olds, Barbies who are like 8 feet tall with double D boobs and a size 2 waist. There are a million out there, and it just makes me want to ralph. my. brains. out. 

No thanks. Let's teach our daughters, sisters, friends, nieces, cousins, granddaughters, co-workers, whoever, that life ain't about showin all your goodies and being a bitch (or a pushover) to get what you want. Nobody is the boss of you. If you gotta do stuff that makes you feel not good enough, or bad about yourself to fit in with whoever - shit ain't worth havin. Just be what God made you to be. People who are worth having around in your life will stick around without you having to exhaust yourself figuring out how to keep them there. Trust. God made you the way you are. He doesn't screw up.

Love,
Shug

Ooooh, Pretty Paper!!

I came across a box of Anne Taintor postcards. See, I have this problem where I feel strongly compelled to buy and save fun looking paper products. Like these postcards I've had for like 5 years, and forgot about until now. 

I hate to just send them as post cards because I can't ever think of a need to send postcards, nah mean? And it hurts my feelings to think that people might just throw them away. sad.

So, I thought of a couple other uses ...

{1}

frame up for a friend/coworker

I always see funny cards, notes, etc. while I'm out and about and they often remind me of someone specific, so I figure, why not put them in a cool frame and give them to a coworker or friend for their office? 

However, the postcards didn't quite match up with the frame sizes, so I pulled colorful backgrounds from magazines and some fun mini shopping backs in fun prints that I'd saved to use as a background for the cards.

Just use the glass from the frame as a template for how big the background needs to be, and trace and cut.

There you have it. Somethin to fill the background other than the funk cardboard of the back of the frame.
Would also look like an even better contrast in a larger frame, like a 5x7 or even 8x10 ... and you could add in memories from a girls' night out for that friend ... movie ticket stub, drink tab, photo, etc.

{2}

use as recipe cards

Could use them as your own recipe cards, or when friends ask for recipes of yours that they like, or when you have a shower that requests a recipe for the guest of honor. Even better - pick a card that matches the theme, like an engagement/bridal shower ...

{3}

Bachelorette Party

{3a}

bachelorette party gift = cocktail recipe written on the card + ingredients for said cocktail 

{3b}

  bachelorette party games/memories - on back of card record rules for bachelorette games for the weekend or "quotes of the weekend", etc. and the bride to be can keep for memory's sake 

If you were the person hosting, you could mail the cards to attendants ahead of time for them to contribute recipes/game ideas/etc.

I think it's a good idea to always save anything that's pretty paper ... postcards, greeting cards, bags, tags, ribbon, etc. You can always throw it together later for something more unique and personalized. They can be easily stored in a file cabinet, or Rubbermaid.

And we all know half the fun of getting a prize is the presentation and thought that the friend put into it.

Possibilities are endless, shugs!

For other magical ideas, check out ...

Girl, You KNOW Yo Mama Taught You Betta!

I am stealing this from a friend of mine's facebook note ... so simple, but so true, and so hard to "get" when you're in the middle of it all ...

IF A MAN WANTS YOU ...

By: Salma Rumman

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can’t "be friends." A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

And hey, some of you dudes should be listenin' to this too - with some chicks treatin' you like YESTERDAY'S TRASH.

And for good measure, Garth here shows how nasty it can get when you act like a dummy and treat  somebody doin SKETCHY stuff like they are your end-all, be-all. SOMEBODY gone get hurt. Never fails!

And another lesson can be learned ... dudes shouldn't wear wigs. ;) You're welcome.

Remember loves, if you gone play your own face, then why shouldn't somebody else?

Fo realz.

*PS - Anj is recoopin' from his mayjahly whack wisdom tooth teeth extraction surgery ... post comin' tomorrow probably.

Bish, Come Back, I'm stuck!

Isn't it fun when your frands come stay with you? This here shugpie is my girl from high school, and she blogs over at Life on the Rox. She and the hubs came to stay with us for the bowl game, which was completely magical. You can read more about that in yesterday's post. (Go Pack!)

She's the kind of friend you can count on to help you out ... like when you get both of your legs stuck in a fold up chair at the Panthers' Stadium.

And laugh with you for at least 5 minutes until your makeup done run all down your face, and all the car ride home, and then again the next day, because your husband says stuff like, "Yeah, coyotes (pronounced Kai-oats) be eatin' people's cats n shit" Umm, what Anj?

Annnnd ...

I just had to show y'all the magical prizes she brought me from  Smitten.

Is this not right up my alley? The idea is to wear several necklaces at different lengths. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I would see and bout die for, but talk myself out of because I don't need it.

She brought me these too. 

Hehehe ... Anne Taintor cracks me up.

Thanks Ber! xoxo!!

Happy Hump Day!!

Girrrrrrl, you need a hug?

I should warn you, today's post is a novel, but sometimes our thoughts and feelings aren't summed up in something that's conducive to a neat and tidy blog post.

Isn't it fun bein a girl? Sometimes. But, sometimes it sucks. I know I for one, have times when I feel nothing but blessed. Like God has given me more than I EVER deserved. And my mind KNOWS this is true, regardless of how I'm FEELING. But, on the real, feeling so much all the time is exhausting, is it not? Because sometimes I feel the opposite - self-pity, depression, jealousy, discontentment, irritable towards those who love me the most.

I read these two posts today from Life on the Rox and Mommy Teaches, and it made me wanna write about life's struggles when you are a girl. I'm not saying men don't have their struggles. But, as women, we feel a different sort of pressure, and the sad thing is, I think most of that pressure comes from other women. Do they make us feel that way, or do we do it to ourselves? The crap that goes on in my mind from one week to the next is a complete 180 and it's EXHAUSTING sometimes. I feel like I'm two or three different people.

It seems that in life, there are certain categories, as a woman  ... school/job, relationships, kids, beauty/self worth, finances ... and while it is impossible to be perfect in all these categories, we damn sure try. But, what's worse to me, is that I know I personally, struggle to appreciate the areas where I am blessed because I am not doing super awesome in the other areas.

I have an amazing husband, for example, so I feel incredibly blessed in this aspect. Everyday, I'm like, "Why do I deserve him?" BUT - on the other extreme, I'd certainly like to have a happy little life in a happy little house where we see each other everyday like normal folks. And, I get tired of dealing with diabetes. I think, I'm sick of skinny bitches whining about 10 lbs. when they can workout whenever they want with no thought to plummeting blood sugars or sky high sugars from turning your insulin down too low, all while worrying what long-term damage you're doing to your body with those sugars. Or people who can just decide to have kids whenever they want. I realize this is a warped view. But that's my point, your perception is your reality, so if I believe that crap, it will take over my brain in a matter of seconds. But then, I immediately feel guilty because I am in good health, all things considered, with health insurance, and resources at my fingertips to help me control it.

I get SO SICK of looking at posts about people's brand new $50,000+ car, or their daily posts of outfits, which cost hundreds of dollars. Then, again, I immediately feel like a  bitch because obviously, I must be afflicted by some degree of jealousy for it to make me sick, right? I get SICK of hearing women WHINE about how their husband doesn't make enough money, and generally nitpicking EVERY EVER LOVING THING HE DOES. Well, why the hell did you marry him if you have so many gripes about his existence? STFU! 

And I know kids are a handful, but you women who WHINE about their kids ALL. THE. TIME ... Guess what? YOU HAVE SOME. Some women can't! Again, STFU! And while we're on that note, STOP asking people, "When are y'all gonna have kids?" 1) maybe they aren't ready 2) maybe they can't 3) maybe it ain't NONE of YO business

I think it's extremely important, at every age, to maintain close ties with other women. Real friends. Friends who aren't toxic. Friends who make you see your self-worth, not the kind who remind you how fattening that brownie is, or tell you how you need to handle your marriage, job, kids because you aren't doing it right. Women who don't try to fix it for you, they just listen. Let's be honest, some stuff only the man upstairs can fix. Your friend just needs a shoulder to cry on. Men get this. Women struggle with it, myself included. We just want to fix, fix, fix. Shhhh! Just listen. Clearly, if you want advice, and you ask for it, that's what friends are for. But you beezies out there who just give it without being asked, I don't ask you because I clearly don't want my life to look like yours. So thanks very much fo keepin yo mouth SHUT.

 I don't care how much you love your husband, kids, home, job, etc. YOU HAVE TO HAVE TIME WITH FRIENDS OR YOU WILL LOSE YO MIND! There is nothing sicker than the feeling of being eaten alive with jealousy of what your friends have. Friends that you really do love, but you just feel like they have it all, regardless of the reality. And it's easy to do when you don't maintain contact because slowly, as you drift apart, it starts to seem like your friend has it all, because you're not close anymore and you don't know the whole story because they don't feel comfortable telling you anymore. 

I don't have kids yet. I pray the Lord chooses to bless us with children one day, but I worry a lot about how to raise girls especially, to love themselves, and to love others. Jealousy and depression are like besties. And they creep up everywhere. And it starts young. I see girls who are 8 years old forming cliques and judging each other based on what they wear and what they look like. LITTLE GIRLS YOUNGER THAN TEN WHO DON'T EAT LUNCH BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO GET FAT.


I don't really know what my point is with today's post to be honest with y'all, but how do we find the balance? How do we accept what we have? Not only accept it, but be grateful? How do we have genuine happiness for friends without feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't have what they have? Where does this all start? Is it how we are raised? Is it how we are socialized in this country? Why is it so easy to feel like shit about yourself because you can't go out and buy a Range Rover and a Louis Vuitton on a whim? Why are we jealous of women who stay at home with their kids, but then criticize them for wanting to do so? And there are others of us who do the same thing with women who choose to have a career. Why is it any of our business?! Why do we feel like a loser because all of our friends are married and we haven't met Mr. Wonderful? Why are we behind because we haven't bought a house and our friends have? Why do we feel like we should have kids because our friends do? What is up with that? Why do we feel like our choices in life are the wrong ones because they don't match what our friends have done? And for that matter, how do we take a time out to realize what our friends might be going through? And that they might need us? We are trained to put on a smile, squeeze into a size too small and pretend like everything is AWESOME. Maybe I think too much ...

I've had a hard last few years. I wonder if God has me in time out or something. Like I am just spinning in neutral. I don't wanna get on here and whine about it, but what I'm saying is, what is happy? Are there women out there who are happy? I can't name one of my female friends who doesn't go through this cycle of everything is great, then, my life sucks so much, I just don't think I can handle it. So, it's more common than we think. But, in bloggie land, and on facebook, and twitter, it's more PC to talk about how awesome everything is all the time. We don't wanna be the one who is struggling, or can't handle her problems. I know I for one, feel worse when I write about it, because when I write about it I focus on it, so I think that's why I don't write about it. And, honestly, if I write about things that do make me happy, it actually works to make me feel better. But on the other hand, I think it needs to be said that nobody's life is perfect. It's okay to need help, to struggle, to need to bitch or cry.

The only thing I know is that I have to trust that God knows what He's doing. And I just pray for Him to show me how many things I have to be grateful for. And it works, but I have to keep praying. It's not a one time fixes all kinda deal.

To all my ladies, I love you. The trips to dinner once in a blue moon, or outing to target, or just a text from you or a comment on my blog MAKE MY DAY! For that, I am blessed and thankful.

Hang in there shugs!

Any thoughts on how you find gratitude and keep on keepin on?

Go find a friend and give her a hug. She prolly needs it, even if she doesn't say so.