Life ... with some pictures

First - Random bits of my week in pictures (great idea, Jenni!!!) ... followed by an epiphany.

{one}

A friend of mine has animals because she and her husband have a farm. I LOVE animals. I think they are so calming to be around and they just bring my heart joy. They don't bitch, gossip, complain, nag (except Brody and his tennis ball obsession). They don't have opinions. They don't judge you. They don't expect a lot. I think they are much cuter than human babies. I used to worry that this made me a weirdo. I don't care.

{two}

My doctor suggested adding rice cakes to my gluten-free lifestyle. I totally forgot about these. So, hubs bought some and I make them taste better by adding fattening ingredients such as peanut butter and cream cheese. (The plain-looking one is coated in an artificially-flavored powder that's supposed to be white cheddar. They are pretty good.)

{three}

I have also been adding cream cheese to these tasty gluten-free bunnies.

{four}

I love my dog. He keeps me sane on say, 6 out of the 7 days a week. See #1 for more explanation.

{five}

I broke out the crate again, thinking it would take me a good month to get Brody really trained on how to sleep in this thing without whining and crying. (He usually sleeps on the bed with me, but his ass is too big and he tries to hog it up by gettin right in the center. NO thanks.) So, I'm all prepared with treats and my speech, and, surprisingly, he just walks right in there. And, he is fine - all through the night {!!!!} - as long as I go ahead and turn the light off. Thank you, Lord.

{six}

I came across this verse on a post from A Day in the Life. It really spoke to me. I read the post on January 3, and I thought to myself, "Wow." It's amazing to me how all of a sudden, just a few words can mean so much.

"In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

Then, a few weeks after that, I just felt like God had answered a prayer that I've been praying for over 3 years. I felt like a zillion tons were on my chest and constantly wondered if my decisions were the right ones. I analyzed those decisions every single day. But, the thing about God is, He will answer in His time. He works through many different means - our hearts, our minds, our instincts, our situations, including pain, tears, fear, road blocks. Although, the fear is a result of a lack of trust in Him. But, I knew He would answer. Sometimes that answer might come in a series of hurdles and "what ifs". But one day, after over three and a half years. I just knew what to do. I still don't know exactly what the future holds, obviously. But, I can say that I feel more at peace about it than I ever have before. And I feel like it's what's best. Not just that - I feel EXCITED! The situation did not change. But my heart did.

I'm not really ready to share the whole story with the world wide web, but maybe someday. And, I wanted to tell you all out there, that He will answer. Just never stop believing. And be careful when you pray for patience. ;) I am really excited and eager for something that used to cause me anxiety and dread. Isn't it amazing? And the thing is, I'm glad I went through all the yuck, because I know that if I hadn't have gone through all the yuck, I wouldn't appreciate this good part. I wouldn't see it for the gift that it is. 

Praying for God to give me the desires of my heart is one of the best things I've ever done. This doesn't mean, "God, give me what I want." Instead, it means, "God, please have me want what you want (and know is best anyway) for me. Make me want for myself what you already want and know is good for me." I feel so grateful. And ready. I've said it a million times, but thank God that I'm not really in charge.

I kind of feel like a whole new me. Or, actually, more like I've found myself - the self that I used to be before I let worry take over my life. It's easy to get caught up in what you are "supposed" to be. According to your family, your friends, your boss, your church, your co-workers, your spouse, your kids, whatever. And, it may not even be that they are telling you what you are supposed to be, but it's kind of a self-imposed pressure. It's like that for me anyway. I think women especially, feel guilty for being who they want to be. It's confusing. That's why I pray for God to show me who He wants me to be. And, ironically, after praying on that for months and months and months and months ... I feel more like myself, and comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. And I wake up each day, feeling like I am twice as in love with my husband than I was the day before. And I see how much I have to be grateful for.

What a beautiful thing.