Whattup, peeps? How's life treatin y'all? Ballariffic, I hope.
Well, I thought on this glorious Friday, I'd share with y'all some tips on how to get and maintain a sleek physique. I feel fortunate to own peeps who take me out and throw my ball on the regular. But they are lazy sho nuff when it is rainy, cold and totally dreary outside. Somethin about muddy paws and the carpet and whatnot. I thought that was what a towel was for, but whatevs.
Anyhoo - for starters, I recommend your humans getting one of these ball throwers. Sure humans have arms. But the thing is, if you get them to get you a ball thrower, they don't have to touch the mud and slobber on the ball - which apparently is a huge deal breaker for some of them. Also, it helps the ball go way farther and way faster - which is a plus for the leg muscles and cardio workout. But - you can't be all lazy and take your sweet time gettin to the ball. Gotta get there with no more than one bounce, or YOU SUCK.
I mean run! Give it all you got.
Even if you are lard-ish from too many table scraps, you gotta do your best so you can get better and better. Faster and faster. Know what I'm sayin?
And be ready. Even if you gotta get your lean on and you can feel your muscles burning in anticipation. Remember, you don't wanna be lard-like forever. DO IT MAN! (Hey! Annnnnd all you ladies! Big ups to a girl who cares about her figure!)
After a good workout, you gotta come in and get all the kinks out so you can rest. This could mean a few laps up and down the steps, or around the house, a few rounds of tuggin on the rope, or an up and down jump session from one of the humans' beds.
Bonus points if you can make them squeal/shriek/yell/laugh. DOUBLE bonus points if you can tear some stuff off the wall, like curtains or somethin.
And, of course, at the end of your workout, you'll need to get some proper rest and give your muscles about 5 minutes to heal before starting all over again. I recommend choosing a different human to throw the ball this time, though. They seem to get all irritated after they "just came back in". Whiners.
Keep it real.