a late night thought on marriage.

it's 11:23 at night, and grandma that i am, i am normally in bed and fast asleep by now. but, tonight, i couldn't sleep. ever have those nights when you can't turn your brain off? usually mine is from worrying (workin on that) ... but, tonight, i was just thinkin. about life. how it changes from childhood to when you're a teenager. to when you go to college and/or leave home/town and are on your own for the first time. and how the people closest to you changes too.

when you are a child, your family is your everything. they teach and model for you what is normal. what love is. what is and isn't okay. then, you get older, and your friends become your world. you just know that y'all will be inseparable forever.

but then, college is over, or you get your dream job, or you meet the man of your dreams. life gets busier. you make time for phone dates or trips to starbucks or target. and if you are lucky, you marry a wonderful man who loves and embraces your friends like you do.

on nights like this when i'm thinking too much, i lay there and watch anj sleep, and think how very very precious he is to me. how i simply cannot believe that God had it in His plans to pick this man out just for me. if it's pms time, it really makes me want to cry.

anj is so good - too good - to me. he takes care of me, emotionally and physically. those of you who really know me know that i am a worrier, and i am much, much more sensitive than i appear to be. i can work myself into a tizzy over nothing. i'm learning that life's too short for that mess though. but, anj, he is so perfect for me. i cannot name one single time in our whole eight years when i freaked out about something and he didn't act like it wasn't a big deal. not one single time.

even the time when i literally cut the end of my thumb off, all the meat past the fingernail - bled hard and fast for 3 hours ... blood runnin down to my elbows - did anj freak out? no ma'am. he just brought me a plate of food (that i couldn't eat because one hand was bleeding and the other one was holding pressure on it) and drove off to cvs to buy all kindsa shit to make a bandage. cool as a cucumber, friends. i - on the other hand, was cryin like a baby and rockin back and forth like i had absolutely no sense whatsoever.

it used to make me mad that he was so calm all the time. but now, i see what a blessing it is. the last thing i need is somebody to egg me on. there was a time in my life when i dated such a guy. he was high strung like me, and easy to get all rowled up. not a good combination.

we are friends with couples now who are just like that. one is cool as a cucumber, and the other not so much. as long as you are with your balance, all is good in the hood. a lot of my friends and family and people that i've known over the years have marriages that would never in eight million years be kosher with me. that is not to say that their way is wrong, just wrong for us.

anyhoo, this is what comes out when i write late at night after thinking what a magical snuggle pie anj is. sometimes it feels like, wow! how could we have really been knowing each other for eight years?!? and other times, it feels like every single day when he walks through the door, it's the first time i've ever laid eyes on him. and this is really only the beginning. i have no idea why God chose to bless me the way He did with this man, but I certainly am thankful.

now, back to sleep it is {hopefully}

deuces ;)