how to be an awesome spouse - 10 easy steps

1) when your shugpie is deep in sleep, shout out random things like, "TOO MUCH TURD TALK!" then yell, "WHAT?!" when they try to wake you from your madness

2) be sure to carry at least two, possibly three beverages on every road trip - even if it's only right down the road. make sure that they are all half open, but not gone, so that your shugpie can't justify throwing them away. fill up all the cup holders in the vehicle so that there is nowhere for your shugpie to put their phone. it's also a good idea to keep at least three half-consumed beverages open in the fridge so that they take up much-needed space.

3) drink too many adult beverages when already in a hormonal state. make sure to do it in public - either in a bar, or at someone's party. then when your spouse tries to comfort you and calm you down. flip your shit and cry like a lunatic.

4) when it's time for lunch, eat by the stove while you cook, so that your plate and your body are blocking the microwave. don't move to any other spot on the counter, because you need to be close to the pan where your tortillas are heating up - one at a time. your spouse can just heat their lunch in the microwave that you're blocking after you are done with your lunch. eating together is over-rated anyway.

5) find something on the tv that your spouse wants to watch. at first they won't even notice because usually you two don't have the same interests regarding tv time. then, when your shugpie gets good and interested, be sure to stand 2.5-3 feet in front of the tv so that your spouse can't see anything that's going on. be sure to yell loudly about every 28 seconds to emphasize that something awesome is being missed out on.

6) take tons and tons of photos of your spouse without their permission, because you think they are just the cutest widdle thing. then, post the photos on your blog.

7) when on long road trips, choose an indie rock station in which all of the songs involve extreme repetition and sounds that your spouse refers to as "racket". listen to approximately 9 or 10 of these songs in a row. flip shit when your spouse attempts to turn the station every 10 songs, because this song, like every song, is your favorite.

8) when on long road trips, plug in your ipod and choose loud, thuggish, gangsta songs, most of which your spouse never heard until meeting you. turn that shit up. LOUD. go psycho when your shugpie tries to turn the volume down.

9) at bedtime, before you crawl under the covers, and you notice that your spouse is visibly sweating - either because you can see it, or because they grab your hand and force you to touch the sweat, refuse to turn the air down. when your shugpie takes off downstairs to turn it down anyway, follow them, so you can monitor the situation.

10) when your shugpie plans a fun evening out for the two of you, per your request, stand in the closet, staring at all your clothes and whine about how you have nothing to wear because you are so fat and you feel ugly and you don't feel like fixing your hair or makeup. then fight tears because you feel fat and ugly. dream about being skinny and smokin hot. immediately after, down a hotdog, fries, and several beers.

 

11) laugh. at yourself. at your spouse. at what life hands you. squeeze your shugpie. tell em you love em, and that no matter what cards y'all are dealt, you wouldn't want to go through it with anybody else. praise God. never forget that your shugpie is a blessing that He picked out just for you, shug!

that time i begged hubs to guest post

 Welp, after tons of straight up naggin', Anj Davis agreed to guest post answer some questions in email format. Get it while you can. My two cents are in purple.

What was going through your mind the first time you met Beth?

Not much.  It was a summer evening and I was just trying to hang out and drink some beer.  I remember how loud she was and I thought her personality was really abrasive and in-your-face.

Abrasive?
In-your-face?
That is just silly.

You can read here for my side of the whole 'how we met'.

What would have been a deal breaker right off the bat as far as any interest in a relationship with Beth?

It would have been a deal breaker if she was a yankee.  And I really liked her accent. {<---- vlog, y'all.}

Profound.

If you are a yankee reader, sorry for any offense.

Tell us how the proposal went down.

There wasn't much of a plan.  I had been holding onto the ring for about a month.  Finally I got hotel room in Raleigh and we went out to dinner.  I was thinking we would go out later and I could maybe pop the question on the street somewhere.  But we didn't make it out after dinner.  I'll let Beth tell you why (Hint: it had to do with too many 'bevvies').  I ended up asking her the next morning before we went to breakfast.

It is blowin' my mind how short his response is. 
It was my first year teaching, and he showed up at my school on a Friday afternoon. Anj never gets hot, so I thought it odd that he was bright red and sweating profusely, so I turned the air conditioning on full blast in my classroom. Then I thought it would be brilliant to walk him all over the school and have him meet show him off to anyone that I could find still in the building.

He announced that he had gotten us dinner reservations downtown and a hotel to celebrate our anniversary. So, we go by my house for me to pack my bag. I come down the steps in a dress, you know, just in case we go somewhere nice and I get proposed to. Anj's reply as I'm coming down the steps? "Why are you so dressed up?" Great. Mofo is never going to propose. {These were my own thoughts and my mama's - except hers may not have involved the "mofo" part.} 

Naturally, we start off the evening with a case of Miller Lite in the hotel room. We get to dinner and have more drinks, and after that I was inebriated and feeling irritable because I thought for sure his ass was going to propose and he clearly had no intention of doing so. He kept dilly dallying around, asking if I wanted to go to Mitch's, a bar that we frequented in college, and I was all like, "Ugh. Whatever you want to do, Anj." Soooo, we went back to the hotel where Anj was about to die to turn on the summer olympics. I just passed out in my pissed-off-ness.

The next morning, we decided to get ready and go to breakfast at The Farmer's Market. I showered first, and was standing there peering over into my bag {which was beside Anj's bag}, trying to decide what I wanted to wear. Anj is out of the shower now, acting all cracked out and jittery, wanting to know what I'm "staring" at. I explain that I am merely looking at the clothes in my bag, thinking about what I'm going to wear. Nervous that I am going to stare a hole through his bag and into the ring box, he takes the ring box out.

I stare at him in disbelief, shouting things like, "Shut up! What is that?!" while I back away from him like he's holding a snake.

He is 88 shades of pink at this point, and I am just shocked still.

So, I was pissed that he didn't propose, and then still surprised.

Win. Win.

We get home to my parents'. My mama initially expected the proposal, but after no phone call the night before, she assumed that no such proposal had happened.

I went upstairs and showed her the ring, and she cried like mamas do.
Shortly thereafter phone calls and celebratory festivities ensued.

What are Beth's quirks/habits? Which do you love/which do you hate?

Like:  her cutesy, baby-talk voice, random dance moves, love of old stuff
Hate: smoking when drinking, biting her nails, 'duck face', has to have some kind of liquid refreshment AT ALL TIMES NO EXCEPTIONS. PULL OVER NOW! WAIT! WE CAN'T LEAVE YET! I NEED TO FIX MY CUP WITH MY SPECIAL ICE OUT OF THE ICE TRAYS BECAUSE YOUR ICE FROM THE ICE MAKER STINKS!    {The crossed out part is what he actually said, when I was like, "Whaaaat?!" but it is not in fact what he typed. Therefore, I crossed it out because I was accused of being "disingenuous".}

It's surprising to me that he likes my love of old stuff. I always feel like he thinks I'm just bringin' home more shit to junk up our house. He further clarified that he does not want more shit in our apartment. However, he appreciates that I'm not picky and turnin' my nose up at things that aren't brand new.

I too, hate that I smoke when I drink.

Didn't really realize the nail biting was a thing. I've done it since I was a kid. I have gotten better though, unless I am stressed or pissed.

Me and my beverages? Lemme tell you this, Anj Davis. If my 'beverages' are as high maintenance as I get, you better count your blessins.

And the 'duck face'. Ugh. I wish I could stop.

Tell us how you expect Beth would answer this same question about you:

Hate:  whistling to songs, cold hands/feet, watching sports
Like:   making delicious treats

 I don't hate the watching of sports.

I hate that he watches ALL sports, college level and professional, all year long. I'm serious.

Football, basketball, baseball, tennis, soccer, summer and winter olympics, Nascar, hockey.

If they keepin' score, Anj Davis is watchin' 
{and dancin when his team's doin' well and screamin' expletives if they are losin'}.

He is wrong about the whistling, though. I loooooove it.

The heated mattress pad has helped some with the burying of Anj's cold toes under Beth's warm leg. 
I do, however, hate that we have entire conversations that he doesn't remember. I know he is listening because he is responding to what I am saying. Then, when said event or obligatory function or whatever comes up, he's all like, "What?! You didn't tell me about this." Bullshit, I know I did!

And, I looooove that my Anjpie cooks delicious treats for us all. the. time.
 I am also a huge fan of watching Anj dance in front of the TV during commercial breaks or when his team is doing well.
I love that he puts up with my pickiness with soft drinks.
I love how Anj can rock a sweater vest, and then turn right around and look hot in his Carhartt workpants and boots.

I also get tons of enjoyment watching all the random things that go on in Anj's sleep: the conversations, the eye brow raises, the hand motions, the way he scratches his chest gently for like 5 minutes. The way he sits up, puts his glasses on, lays back down on the pillow. All while sleeping.

What were the hardest adjustments during the first year of marriage??  

Learning to be selfless and empathetic

Tis true, friends.

Marriage is not about you, your friends, your family, your schedule, your job.
Everybody's mama 'nem will have to get over it. It's time to leave the nest.
Your spouse comes before the family you grew up in.
This doesn't mean you have to abandon your family and isolate yourself once you get married, but do what's best for your marriage first, then worry about everybody else. 
If they don't like it, two tears in a bucket, friends. 
They won't be the ones livin' in your unhappy marriage.
Your marriage is your business, not what everybody else thinks.

It's a whole new concept of being half of something, it's not just you anymore.

The sooner you see your spouse as your first-of-kin/best friend/#1 priority, the better off you will be.

What advice/tips do you have for other serious relationships out there that are forced to deal with traveling and/or long distance??

Text/chat throughout the day.  Ignore small disagreements.

Word.

Just make sure your shugpie knows that they are on your mind.

What are Beth's domestic strengths?

Laundry, cleaning when she gets the urge, decorating

He's a good man, y'all because I hate doing laundry, and I feel like I can never stay on top of it.

And it's just the two of us!

I do love me some decor, now!

What do you think Beth would say are your domestic strengths?

Cooking, keeping things neat, grocery shopping

Anj is the shiz with cooking/grocery shopping.

I also really appreciate how organized and proactive he is with our finances.

Neat? ... Hmm, I'm thinking "OCD about certain things" might be a more accurate description.

{I mean that in the most loving way possible, because I am NOT neat about many things anything.}

Name the 5 things that Beth could not give up for a year if her life depended on it.

1. Soft drinks (DMD, CFD Coke, Cherry Coke Zero, etc...this could be the entire answer)
2. Facebook
3. Rap music
4. Blog world
5. Camera

yep, yep, yep, yep & yep
These would be his:
1) peanuts/peanut butter
2) internet {The Wolf Web/Reason/various "Today I was reading this article" sources}
3) Satellite radio with damn Jake Fogelnest & Josiah
4) ESPN, especially "Pardon the Interruption"
5) booze, namely Elijah Craig with Cherry Lime Sundrop and various IPA's

What's one piece of marriage advice you'd give to guys out there?

She comes first in all situations.  All others come second.

This made me tear up when I read it.

Guys {if y'all are readin'}, this is the key to a happy marriage!

This doesn't mean let your wife boss your ass, but her feelings/needs come before everyone else's.

{She should be doing the same for you.}

What's one piece of marriage advice you'd give to girls?

You married a person, not a project.  You will be constantly disappointed if you think you can change that person.

I agree.

Bitches be gettin' on my nerves with this tryin' to change somebody thing.

Get over it, princess! He's dealing with your flaws too!

Where do you see the Davis family in 20 years??

Celebrating NC State's incredible 20 straight national titles in both sports

Naturally.

I've always loved Anj's optimism.

_________________________________________

Marriage isn't for poohs, friends.

I would suggest praying all the way through.

And being thankful every single day for your shugpie.

a late night thought on marriage.

it's 11:23 at night, and grandma that i am, i am normally in bed and fast asleep by now. but, tonight, i couldn't sleep. ever have those nights when you can't turn your brain off? usually mine is from worrying (workin on that) ... but, tonight, i was just thinkin. about life. how it changes from childhood to when you're a teenager. to when you go to college and/or leave home/town and are on your own for the first time. and how the people closest to you changes too.

when you are a child, your family is your everything. they teach and model for you what is normal. what love is. what is and isn't okay. then, you get older, and your friends become your world. you just know that y'all will be inseparable forever.

but then, college is over, or you get your dream job, or you meet the man of your dreams. life gets busier. you make time for phone dates or trips to starbucks or target. and if you are lucky, you marry a wonderful man who loves and embraces your friends like you do.

on nights like this when i'm thinking too much, i lay there and watch anj sleep, and think how very very precious he is to me. how i simply cannot believe that God had it in His plans to pick this man out just for me. if it's pms time, it really makes me want to cry.

anj is so good - too good - to me. he takes care of me, emotionally and physically. those of you who really know me know that i am a worrier, and i am much, much more sensitive than i appear to be. i can work myself into a tizzy over nothing. i'm learning that life's too short for that mess though. but, anj, he is so perfect for me. i cannot name one single time in our whole eight years when i freaked out about something and he didn't act like it wasn't a big deal. not one single time.

even the time when i literally cut the end of my thumb off, all the meat past the fingernail - bled hard and fast for 3 hours ... blood runnin down to my elbows - did anj freak out? no ma'am. he just brought me a plate of food (that i couldn't eat because one hand was bleeding and the other one was holding pressure on it) and drove off to cvs to buy all kindsa shit to make a bandage. cool as a cucumber, friends. i - on the other hand, was cryin like a baby and rockin back and forth like i had absolutely no sense whatsoever.

it used to make me mad that he was so calm all the time. but now, i see what a blessing it is. the last thing i need is somebody to egg me on. there was a time in my life when i dated such a guy. he was high strung like me, and easy to get all rowled up. not a good combination.

we are friends with couples now who are just like that. one is cool as a cucumber, and the other not so much. as long as you are with your balance, all is good in the hood. a lot of my friends and family and people that i've known over the years have marriages that would never in eight million years be kosher with me. that is not to say that their way is wrong, just wrong for us.

anyhoo, this is what comes out when i write late at night after thinking what a magical snuggle pie anj is. sometimes it feels like, wow! how could we have really been knowing each other for eight years?!? and other times, it feels like every single day when he walks through the door, it's the first time i've ever laid eyes on him. and this is really only the beginning. i have no idea why God chose to bless me the way He did with this man, but I certainly am thankful.

now, back to sleep it is {hopefully}

deuces ;)