why i love me some Jesus

i am a spiritual person, not so much religious, i don't think. people made religion. and some people get up on their pedestal with that shit, and let the self-righteousness begin! no thanks.
i have lots of friends who are agnostic, or just don't know if they should trust God or not, or just haven't really given it much thought, and they've asked me why? why do i believe in a God who allows pain, suffering, frustration and confusion? {it is definitely tough to imagine that God would allow us to suffer, but it is also easy to see why so many would be turned off to Jesus because of how some of His followers behave, unfortunately}

welp ... here's my thoughts ... 

some of us believe that God is in control.
some of us aren't so sure.
some of us {believers and non-believers} confuse religion with knowing God, and they are not the same.
i think that sometimes religion, and specifically the "law" of religion {and the judgement and hypocrisy}, drive people away from knowing the Lord.
and people who grew up with some form of  "religion" that they found to be so scarring and strict that they now want nothing to do with Jesus at all is even more cray to me. pretty sure that's not how Jesus intended it. knowing Him shouldn't be a set of rules where you feel like you can't breathe and if you don't follow 'em, He's gonna kick you to the curb. He's full of forgiveness, and He also always knows the true motives of your heart, frands - even if other people have no clue.

some don't talk about "religion" on their blog because they just don't have an interest, or they don't want to lose followers.
welp, it's your blog. you do you, shug.
to me, this is my blog, and if people don't care to read it, they don't have to. when i read people who think God is a crock, i politely click the red X and move on.
while i don't intend to "push" God on people, for me, He is my everything. He has gotten me through countless things that i know i wouldn't have been able to deal with otherwise, because i am totally weak. and He's the only one who has never, ever, ever failed me.
does that mean He always gives me what i want?
does it mean that i won't have consequences for selfishness and decisions that sprung from bitterness and greed?
of course not. that's stupid. believing in Him does not equal a free and painless ride through life.
it means that now you have someone to turn to, to listen to you, and to help you along the way, no matter how many times you screw up. someone who understands the ins and outs of your heart, even when you aren't so sure of it yourself.
as far as i'm concerned, it's a blessing that i know Him myself, i see it as a gift.
who am i to judge people for not choosing a relationship that i feel chose me to begin with?
i share my belief with those who seem to be hurting, and those who ask.
if they want to know more, they know where to find me. but, i am not going to worry over "their future" because ultimately God is in control. period.
that's how i see it.

some say that there's no such thing as a mistake.
well, of course there is ... mistakes happen all the time, that's how we learn and grow. otherwise, we'd all be perfect, right?
but i don't think there's a such thing as "accidentally getting off the path that was intended for you"
in other words, that mistake {and the lessons that were learned} are part of your path.
might not be the path you intended for yourself.
might not be the path you ever imagined yourself on, but if you think about it, everything in life is intertwined.
if you didn't go through this, you wouldn't have felt that, and you wouldn't have had a connection with so-and-so. you might not have moved here, or quit that job, or finally had enough and learned to stand up for yourself. the pain you went through might be what gave you the heart to have compassion for someone else instead of judging them.
some of the best friendships are formed because somebody made a mistake and needed someone to talk to, who understood the painful lesson that was being learned.

we could all do the what if's till the cows come home.
what if, what if, what if?
but, i know God has never given me something i couldn't handle.
i have watched the Lord work miracles in people very close to me that i just could not fathom ever happening. ever. i know that the strength to get through what they were facing simply did not come from them alone.
i have witnessed Him keep me from some damn stupid choices that would have ended in who knows what. i have begged Him in tears to deliver me from pain that i was just drowning in - from childhood until now. sometimes i don't even know what to pray, i just talk to Him and ask Him to help me. and He always delivers.
the key is finding a positive in every situation. find the positive in what resulted. find the positives in the people who are there to support you.
sometimes there's no explanation for your pain. period. there just isn't.

but for me, it is absolutely priceless to know that God had His reasons and He loves me still, and He's got a plan, even if i don't get it.
and it's human nature not to see or appreciate the sunny days if we haven't gone through the storms first.

when i think about how Jesus has my back, and listens to my prayers, {and i try to be real honest in my prayers - just like me & Jesus are chit-chattin' at starbucks, because He already knows anyway} and when i am tellin' him how i am mad at so-and-so and askin' Him to help me be patient and help me get over myself, i feel real snuggly in His arms, just like this lamb:

i've also spent a lot of time wondering how you can tell what God's will is.
well, that's just it.
it isn't black and white. but, there are some guidelines, frands.

sometimes we pray about something, and God leaves that door open instead of slamming it shut, so we think, "He wants me to do this", even if the bible specifically says not to. nope. i think that's you lyin' to yoself, shug. good luck with that.
take that road if you want, but likely, the meaning for it is far from what you think, and probably gonna be more painful than you bargained for. to me, the harder your head, the harder you fall.
i have learned plenty of things the hard way, myself.

and sometimes, it's not that we are blatantly disobeying what the bible says, rather, we just don't know what to do ... like taking a job or not, what city to live in, etc. neither decision is wrong, but, you just have to pick. sometimes God will let you know in His own way. but, sometimes, you just have to do something.
pick a path.
take a chance.
you'll learn what you need to learn.
you'll get to where you are supposed to be.
sometimes what comes from that decision is not at all what you thought. and it might not work out in your favor at all, but you had to go down that path to figure it out, and to get to a better place than you thought you'd be.

i also told my husband over the weekend, that even though i wake up feeling like, "what am i doing?", and that my life got derailed when i became unemployed from teaching, then lost a baby, then ended up working at the store, i also cherish the time i get to spend at the store because i enjoy that time with my father-in-law, and i know i wouldn't have that time with him if i had a teaching job. to me, it is a precious gift that i never would have intentionally worked out for myself.

sometimes we need to stop worrying about the what ifs.
find the blessings in your current situation.
do what's right by others, and the rest will fall into place.

and that's my two cents on how i'm glad that Jesus gots this thing called life, because hell, i don't.
it's why i'm faithful and trust Him {although sometimes i do have to remind myself}.

and this concludes this episode of Jesusing Around on the Blog, (hey steph)

deuces.