21 October 2011

Girrrrrrl, you need a hug?

I should warn you, today's post is a novel, but sometimes our thoughts and feelings aren't summed up in something that's conducive to a neat and tidy blog post.

Isn't it fun bein a girl? Sometimes. But, sometimes it sucks. I know I for one, have times when I feel nothing but blessed. Like God has given me more than I EVER deserved. And my mind KNOWS this is true, regardless of how I'm FEELING. But, on the real, feeling so much all the time is exhausting, is it not? Because sometimes I feel the opposite - self-pity, depression, jealousy, discontentment, irritable towards those who love me the most.

I read these two posts today from Life on the Rox and Mommy Teaches, and it made me wanna write about life's struggles when you are a girl. I'm not saying men don't have their struggles. But, as women, we feel a different sort of pressure, and the sad thing is, I think most of that pressure comes from other women. Do they make us feel that way, or do we do it to ourselves? The crap that goes on in my mind from one week to the next is a complete 180 and it's EXHAUSTING sometimes. I feel like I'm two or three different people.

It seems that in life, there are certain categories, as a woman  ... school/job, relationships, kids, beauty/self worth, finances ... and while it is impossible to be perfect in all these categories, we damn sure try. But, what's worse to me, is that I know I personally, struggle to appreciate the areas where I am blessed because I am not doing super awesome in the other areas.

I have an amazing husband, for example, so I feel incredibly blessed in this aspect. Everyday, I'm like, "Why do I deserve him?" BUT - on the other extreme, I'd certainly like to have a happy little life in a happy little house where we see each other everyday like normal folks. And, I get tired of dealing with diabetes. I think, I'm sick of skinny bitches whining about 10 lbs. when they can workout whenever they want with no thought to plummeting blood sugars or sky high sugars from turning your insulin down too low, all while worrying what long-term damage you're doing to your body with those sugars. Or people who can just decide to have kids whenever they want. I realize this is a warped view. But that's my point, your perception is your reality, so if I believe that crap, it will take over my brain in a matter of seconds. But then, I immediately feel guilty because I am in good health, all things considered, with health insurance, and resources at my fingertips to help me control it.

I get SO SICK of looking at posts about people's brand new $50,000+ car, or their daily posts of outfits, which cost hundreds of dollars. Then, again, I immediately feel like a  bitch because obviously, I must be afflicted by some degree of jealousy for it to make me sick, right? I get SICK of hearing women WHINE about how their husband doesn't make enough money, and generally nitpicking EVERY EVER LOVING THING HE DOES. Well, why the hell did you marry him if you have so many gripes about his existence? STFU! 

And I know kids are a handful, but you women who WHINE about their kids ALL. THE. TIME ... Guess what? YOU HAVE SOME. Some women can't! Again, STFU! And while we're on that note, STOP asking people, "When are y'all gonna have kids?" 1) maybe they aren't ready 2) maybe they can't 3) maybe it ain't NONE of YO business

I think it's extremely important, at every age, to maintain close ties with other women. Real friends. Friends who aren't toxic. Friends who make you see your self-worth, not the kind who remind you how fattening that brownie is, or tell you how you need to handle your marriage, job, kids because you aren't doing it right. Women who don't try to fix it for you, they just listen. Let's be honest, some stuff only the man upstairs can fix. Your friend just needs a shoulder to cry on. Men get this. Women struggle with it, myself included. We just want to fix, fix, fix. Shhhh! Just listen. Clearly, if you want advice, and you ask for it, that's what friends are for. But you beezies out there who just give it without being asked, I don't ask you because I clearly don't want my life to look like yours. So thanks very much fo keepin yo mouth SHUT.

 I don't care how much you love your husband, kids, home, job, etc. YOU HAVE TO HAVE TIME WITH FRIENDS OR YOU WILL LOSE YO MIND! There is nothing sicker than the feeling of being eaten alive with jealousy of what your friends have. Friends that you really do love, but you just feel like they have it all, regardless of the reality. And it's easy to do when you don't maintain contact because slowly, as you drift apart, it starts to seem like your friend has it all, because you're not close anymore and you don't know the whole story because they don't feel comfortable telling you anymore. 

someecards.com - I'd appreciate it if once in a while you took time from your busy schedule to call and find out that I am too busy to talk.

I don't have kids yet. I pray the Lord chooses to bless us with children one day, but I worry a lot about how to raise girls especially, to love themselves, and to love others. Jealousy and depression are like besties. And they creep up everywhere. And it starts young. I see girls who are 8 years old forming cliques and judging each other based on what they wear and what they look like. LITTLE GIRLS YOUNGER THAN TEN WHO DON'T EAT LUNCH BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO GET FAT.

I don't really know what my point is with today's post to be honest with y'all, but how do we find the balance? How do we accept what we have? Not only accept it, but be grateful? How do we have genuine happiness for friends without feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't have what they have? Where does this all start? Is it how we are raised? Is it how we are socialized in this country? Why is it so easy to feel like shit about yourself because you can't go out and buy a Range Rover and a Louis Vuitton on a whim? Why are we jealous of women who stay at home with their kids, but then criticize them for wanting to do so? And there are others of us who do the same thing with women who choose to have a career. Why is it any of our business?! Why do we feel like a loser because all of our friends are married and we haven't met Mr. Wonderful? Why are we behind because we haven't bought a house and our friends have? Why do we feel like we should have kids because our friends do? What is up with that? Why do we feel like our choices in life are the wrong ones because they don't match what our friends have done? And for that matter, how do we take a time out to realize what our friends might be going through? And that they might need us? We are trained to put on a smile, squeeze into a size too small and pretend like everything is AWESOME. Maybe I think too much ...

I've had a hard last few years. I wonder if God has me in time out or something. Like I am just spinning in neutral. I don't wanna get on here and whine about it, but what I'm saying is, what is happy? Are there women out there who are happy? I can't name one of my female friends who doesn't go through this cycle of everything is great, then, my life sucks so much, I just don't think I can handle it. So, it's more common than we think. But, in bloggie land, and on facebook, and twitter, it's more PC to talk about how awesome everything is all the time. We don't wanna be the one who is struggling, or can't handle her problems. I know I for one, feel worse when I write about it, because when I write about it I focus on it, so I think that's why I don't write about it. And, honestly, if I write about things that do make me happy, it actually works to make me feel better. But on the other hand, I think it needs to be said that nobody's life is perfect. It's okay to need help, to struggle, to need to bitch or cry.

The only thing I know is that I have to trust that God knows what He's doing. And I just pray for Him to show me how many things I have to be grateful for. And it works, but I have to keep praying. It's not a one time fixes all kinda deal.

To all my ladies, I love you. The trips to dinner once in a blue moon, or outing to target, or just a text from you or a comment on my blog MAKE MY DAY! For that, I am blessed and thankful.

Hang in there shugs!

Any thoughts on how you find gratitude and keep on keepin on?

Go find a friend and give her a hug. She prolly needs it, even if she doesn't say so.


Southern Belle said...

Wonderfully said.

Miss Lizzie said...

"I've had a hard last few years. I wonder if God has me in time out or something. Like I am just spinning in neutral. "

My sentiments exactly.

Love this blog.

It's so sad about children feeling this way. I see it in Aeris and Willow already and they are 10 and 8. Maybe because their barbies look like freaking whores. It's awful. Barbies now have tattoos on their NECK. I saw it on Ellen this morning and I almost puked.

Katie said...

I love how you write about things that everything thinks about but are afraid to talk about, and you manage to do it in your own voice- I read it and can totally hear you saying all this in an conversation, complete with facial expressions. I definitely find myself sometimes missing being able to run down the hall for girl talk or just to shoot the shit. HUGGS!!