Time to Get Up Out, Snotty!

So, friends, since we are friends, let's share. 

Here's how I been livin' the last ... ohhh....two and a half weeks:

Nothin' hotter than hearin your wife get up in the mornin, snort snot to the back of her throat then work realllly hard to get it to come back up. 

Yes, that's gross, I know. But, I thought we were friends.

So, after lots and lots and lots of Mucinex D and fake Zyrtek and tons and tons of water, I decided to go in when my blood sugars started to spike (= infection). 

I called at 8:37 am, and lil shugpie receptionist said, "Can you be here at 9 honey?"

9, like pretty much 20 mins from now? Like, I just woke up? Like, I have short hair that spikes and shows my crown when I wake up, no make up, no breakfast, lookin like death warmed over, 9?

Yeah. I'll look scurry, but I can be there. 

While I waited, I stared at this lovely artwork. I think my granddaddy had one a lot like it at his house in 1983 that had already been hangin there for 10 years.

 Finally, doc comes in. 

What're your symptoms? 

Feel like there's cotton in every cavity I got in my head.

I cough up dark greenish brown stuff in the mornin. 

I'm cold and I'm never cold.

I ask my husband to massage my face.

I want to grind my teeth together.

My ears pop randomly.

I can't breathe unless I stay on Mucinex D 24/7. (NOT recommended, friends!)

Doc said my problem was, I shoulda been smokin Camels.

Just kiddin.

He said I had a cold that morphed into a sinus infection.

Y'all know how my sinuses do.

Evil. Straight evil.

So, off I go to CVS havin had no shower, no makeup, no breakfast, and wait for all this mess:

Yes, the good news is, after the doctor visit, and 3 prescriptions, I got a $1.50 coupon for CVS - ON ANYTHING I CHOOSE.
Can y'all believe that luck?!

Ha.

So, let's all cross our fingers for this little guy and his friends:

For they, my friends are the antibiotics who will go into my body and eat up all the infectious snotty that lives inside my head - as well as all the other bacteria in my body.

But, y'all, I'm tryin to get my vacay on in the next few days, and I ain't EVEN TRYIN to allow my sinuses to ruin my life.

So, as a reward to myself, for enduring such sufferin - I had me one of these babies.

Now I'm goin to bathe. And apply make up to my face so I don't scare any innocent children or embarrass my husband when I meet him for lunch. I'm also gonna dry my hair with an actual hair dryer. 

Now, ain't that somethin? 

Y'all have a snot-free .... what day is this? Wednesday?

Love,
SIB

Was This Fo Realz?

My mama was right when she said in her email that this was good blog material.


Lord.

Have.

Mercy.

Y'all.

Please - let me JUST CLARIFY - that this, is not, in fact, an endorsement.

Okay, now, check this mess out, it's everything you need to:

{ 1 - Choose & Be the Perfect Catch } 

{ 2 - Develop a Healthy Body Image }

 { 3 - Become World's Greatest Mother }

 Could the ad below explain my fondness of Caffeine-Free Coca-cola?? After all, it "Boosts Personality" and "Promotes Active Lifestyle"

{ 4 - Cure What Ails Ya }

all via

So, dear readers, I ask you, if that is where we came from, and we thought we knew it all then, HOW can we be sure that we have any idea what we are talkin about now? 

Just an observation.

Sweet Fizzy Sugary Heaven

I haven't had a diet drink since Saturday. 

That's FIVE DAYS.

I haven't really thought about them. 

Not a lot. 

I mean, sometimes at night, I start to imagine the taste. The fizziness. I can just hear the pop of the top. 

Or sometimes, I think about it a lot at about 1:00. Break time. 

But then, my friend at work reminded me that diet drinks triple the risk of pancreatic cancer. 

And that's enough. Enough to make me focus on something else. 

But - you've gotta let yourself cheat a little. 

Or you'll implode. 

So today, at approximately 3:25, I sent an errand boy to fetch this for me:

Yes. 

It was everything I dreamed it'd be. 

Nothin like the real thing.

And I felt zero guilt.