how to be an awesome spouse - 10 easy steps

1) when your shugpie is deep in sleep, shout out random things like, "TOO MUCH TURD TALK!" then yell, "WHAT?!" when they try to wake you from your madness

2) be sure to carry at least two, possibly three beverages on every road trip - even if it's only right down the road. make sure that they are all half open, but not gone, so that your shugpie can't justify throwing them away. fill up all the cup holders in the vehicle so that there is nowhere for your shugpie to put their phone. it's also a good idea to keep at least three half-consumed beverages open in the fridge so that they take up much-needed space.

3) drink too many adult beverages when already in a hormonal state. make sure to do it in public - either in a bar, or at someone's party. then when your spouse tries to comfort you and calm you down. flip your shit and cry like a lunatic.

4) when it's time for lunch, eat by the stove while you cook, so that your plate and your body are blocking the microwave. don't move to any other spot on the counter, because you need to be close to the pan where your tortillas are heating up - one at a time. your spouse can just heat their lunch in the microwave that you're blocking after you are done with your lunch. eating together is over-rated anyway.

5) find something on the tv that your spouse wants to watch. at first they won't even notice because usually you two don't have the same interests regarding tv time. then, when your shugpie gets good and interested, be sure to stand 2.5-3 feet in front of the tv so that your spouse can't see anything that's going on. be sure to yell loudly about every 28 seconds to emphasize that something awesome is being missed out on.

6) take tons and tons of photos of your spouse without their permission, because you think they are just the cutest widdle thing. then, post the photos on your blog.

7) when on long road trips, choose an indie rock station in which all of the songs involve extreme repetition and sounds that your spouse refers to as "racket". listen to approximately 9 or 10 of these songs in a row. flip shit when your spouse attempts to turn the station every 10 songs, because this song, like every song, is your favorite.

8) when on long road trips, plug in your ipod and choose loud, thuggish, gangsta songs, most of which your spouse never heard until meeting you. turn that shit up. LOUD. go psycho when your shugpie tries to turn the volume down.

9) at bedtime, before you crawl under the covers, and you notice that your spouse is visibly sweating - either because you can see it, or because they grab your hand and force you to touch the sweat, refuse to turn the air down. when your shugpie takes off downstairs to turn it down anyway, follow them, so you can monitor the situation.

10) when your shugpie plans a fun evening out for the two of you, per your request, stand in the closet, staring at all your clothes and whine about how you have nothing to wear because you are so fat and you feel ugly and you don't feel like fixing your hair or makeup. then fight tears because you feel fat and ugly. dream about being skinny and smokin hot. immediately after, down a hotdog, fries, and several beers.

 

11) laugh. at yourself. at your spouse. at what life hands you. squeeze your shugpie. tell em you love em, and that no matter what cards y'all are dealt, you wouldn't want to go through it with anybody else. praise God. never forget that your shugpie is a blessing that He picked out just for you, shug!

four years on 4/4

dear andrew shugpie davis,

i just wanted to let you know that you mean the world to me.

every single day, i look at you and wonder how on earth i am so blessed to be your wife.

you take care of me.

you stand up for me.

you put me first.

you deal with my to-go cup and traveling beverage needs.

you don't break my phone or camera when i take pics of you for this here bloggy.

you think i'm hot with all my pump and sensor gadgets and gizmos and surgery scars.

you hug me when i cry.

you never stop having hope and being positive, even when i don't.

in a world where vows are just part of a ceremony, and marriage is something you can get out of, or do three or four times, i'm so thankful to God for giving me someone who takes this thing we've found as seriously as i do.

i have no doubt that we've been given something that many people spend a lifetime looking for.

you are my #1 {after Jesus, of course ;) }

i love you very much.

anyone who knows me knows that i am the most indecisive person on this earth when it comes to life decisions ... but marrying you was one thing i've never had an ounce of hesitation about.

i love you anj!!!

that time i begged hubs to guest post

 Welp, after tons of straight up naggin', Anj Davis agreed to guest post answer some questions in email format. Get it while you can. My two cents are in purple.

What was going through your mind the first time you met Beth?

Not much.  It was a summer evening and I was just trying to hang out and drink some beer.  I remember how loud she was and I thought her personality was really abrasive and in-your-face.

Abrasive?
In-your-face?
That is just silly.

You can read here for my side of the whole 'how we met'.

What would have been a deal breaker right off the bat as far as any interest in a relationship with Beth?

It would have been a deal breaker if she was a yankee.  And I really liked her accent. {<---- vlog, y'all.}

Profound.

If you are a yankee reader, sorry for any offense.

Tell us how the proposal went down.

There wasn't much of a plan.  I had been holding onto the ring for about a month.  Finally I got hotel room in Raleigh and we went out to dinner.  I was thinking we would go out later and I could maybe pop the question on the street somewhere.  But we didn't make it out after dinner.  I'll let Beth tell you why (Hint: it had to do with too many 'bevvies').  I ended up asking her the next morning before we went to breakfast.

It is blowin' my mind how short his response is. 
It was my first year teaching, and he showed up at my school on a Friday afternoon. Anj never gets hot, so I thought it odd that he was bright red and sweating profusely, so I turned the air conditioning on full blast in my classroom. Then I thought it would be brilliant to walk him all over the school and have him meet show him off to anyone that I could find still in the building.

He announced that he had gotten us dinner reservations downtown and a hotel to celebrate our anniversary. So, we go by my house for me to pack my bag. I come down the steps in a dress, you know, just in case we go somewhere nice and I get proposed to. Anj's reply as I'm coming down the steps? "Why are you so dressed up?" Great. Mofo is never going to propose. {These were my own thoughts and my mama's - except hers may not have involved the "mofo" part.} 

Naturally, we start off the evening with a case of Miller Lite in the hotel room. We get to dinner and have more drinks, and after that I was inebriated and feeling irritable because I thought for sure his ass was going to propose and he clearly had no intention of doing so. He kept dilly dallying around, asking if I wanted to go to Mitch's, a bar that we frequented in college, and I was all like, "Ugh. Whatever you want to do, Anj." Soooo, we went back to the hotel where Anj was about to die to turn on the summer olympics. I just passed out in my pissed-off-ness.

The next morning, we decided to get ready and go to breakfast at The Farmer's Market. I showered first, and was standing there peering over into my bag {which was beside Anj's bag}, trying to decide what I wanted to wear. Anj is out of the shower now, acting all cracked out and jittery, wanting to know what I'm "staring" at. I explain that I am merely looking at the clothes in my bag, thinking about what I'm going to wear. Nervous that I am going to stare a hole through his bag and into the ring box, he takes the ring box out.

I stare at him in disbelief, shouting things like, "Shut up! What is that?!" while I back away from him like he's holding a snake.

He is 88 shades of pink at this point, and I am just shocked still.

So, I was pissed that he didn't propose, and then still surprised.

Win. Win.

We get home to my parents'. My mama initially expected the proposal, but after no phone call the night before, she assumed that no such proposal had happened.

I went upstairs and showed her the ring, and she cried like mamas do.
Shortly thereafter phone calls and celebratory festivities ensued.

What are Beth's quirks/habits? Which do you love/which do you hate?

Like:  her cutesy, baby-talk voice, random dance moves, love of old stuff
Hate: smoking when drinking, biting her nails, 'duck face', has to have some kind of liquid refreshment AT ALL TIMES NO EXCEPTIONS. PULL OVER NOW! WAIT! WE CAN'T LEAVE YET! I NEED TO FIX MY CUP WITH MY SPECIAL ICE OUT OF THE ICE TRAYS BECAUSE YOUR ICE FROM THE ICE MAKER STINKS!    {The crossed out part is what he actually said, when I was like, "Whaaaat?!" but it is not in fact what he typed. Therefore, I crossed it out because I was accused of being "disingenuous".}

It's surprising to me that he likes my love of old stuff. I always feel like he thinks I'm just bringin' home more shit to junk up our house. He further clarified that he does not want more shit in our apartment. However, he appreciates that I'm not picky and turnin' my nose up at things that aren't brand new.

I too, hate that I smoke when I drink.

Didn't really realize the nail biting was a thing. I've done it since I was a kid. I have gotten better though, unless I am stressed or pissed.

Me and my beverages? Lemme tell you this, Anj Davis. If my 'beverages' are as high maintenance as I get, you better count your blessins.

And the 'duck face'. Ugh. I wish I could stop.

Tell us how you expect Beth would answer this same question about you:

Hate:  whistling to songs, cold hands/feet, watching sports
Like:   making delicious treats

 I don't hate the watching of sports.

I hate that he watches ALL sports, college level and professional, all year long. I'm serious.

Football, basketball, baseball, tennis, soccer, summer and winter olympics, Nascar, hockey.

If they keepin' score, Anj Davis is watchin' 
{and dancin when his team's doin' well and screamin' expletives if they are losin'}.

He is wrong about the whistling, though. I loooooove it.

The heated mattress pad has helped some with the burying of Anj's cold toes under Beth's warm leg. 
I do, however, hate that we have entire conversations that he doesn't remember. I know he is listening because he is responding to what I am saying. Then, when said event or obligatory function or whatever comes up, he's all like, "What?! You didn't tell me about this." Bullshit, I know I did!

And, I looooove that my Anjpie cooks delicious treats for us all. the. time.
 I am also a huge fan of watching Anj dance in front of the TV during commercial breaks or when his team is doing well.
I love that he puts up with my pickiness with soft drinks.
I love how Anj can rock a sweater vest, and then turn right around and look hot in his Carhartt workpants and boots.

I also get tons of enjoyment watching all the random things that go on in Anj's sleep: the conversations, the eye brow raises, the hand motions, the way he scratches his chest gently for like 5 minutes. The way he sits up, puts his glasses on, lays back down on the pillow. All while sleeping.

What were the hardest adjustments during the first year of marriage??  

Learning to be selfless and empathetic

Tis true, friends.

Marriage is not about you, your friends, your family, your schedule, your job.
Everybody's mama 'nem will have to get over it. It's time to leave the nest.
Your spouse comes before the family you grew up in.
This doesn't mean you have to abandon your family and isolate yourself once you get married, but do what's best for your marriage first, then worry about everybody else. 
If they don't like it, two tears in a bucket, friends. 
They won't be the ones livin' in your unhappy marriage.
Your marriage is your business, not what everybody else thinks.

It's a whole new concept of being half of something, it's not just you anymore.

The sooner you see your spouse as your first-of-kin/best friend/#1 priority, the better off you will be.

What advice/tips do you have for other serious relationships out there that are forced to deal with traveling and/or long distance??

Text/chat throughout the day.  Ignore small disagreements.

Word.

Just make sure your shugpie knows that they are on your mind.

What are Beth's domestic strengths?

Laundry, cleaning when she gets the urge, decorating

He's a good man, y'all because I hate doing laundry, and I feel like I can never stay on top of it.

And it's just the two of us!

I do love me some decor, now!

What do you think Beth would say are your domestic strengths?

Cooking, keeping things neat, grocery shopping

Anj is the shiz with cooking/grocery shopping.

I also really appreciate how organized and proactive he is with our finances.

Neat? ... Hmm, I'm thinking "OCD about certain things" might be a more accurate description.

{I mean that in the most loving way possible, because I am NOT neat about many things anything.}

Name the 5 things that Beth could not give up for a year if her life depended on it.

1. Soft drinks (DMD, CFD Coke, Cherry Coke Zero, etc...this could be the entire answer)
2. Facebook
3. Rap music
4. Blog world
5. Camera

yep, yep, yep, yep & yep
These would be his:
1) peanuts/peanut butter
2) internet {The Wolf Web/Reason/various "Today I was reading this article" sources}
3) Satellite radio with damn Jake Fogelnest & Josiah
4) ESPN, especially "Pardon the Interruption"
5) booze, namely Elijah Craig with Cherry Lime Sundrop and various IPA's

What's one piece of marriage advice you'd give to guys out there?

She comes first in all situations.  All others come second.

This made me tear up when I read it.

Guys {if y'all are readin'}, this is the key to a happy marriage!

This doesn't mean let your wife boss your ass, but her feelings/needs come before everyone else's.

{She should be doing the same for you.}

What's one piece of marriage advice you'd give to girls?

You married a person, not a project.  You will be constantly disappointed if you think you can change that person.

I agree.

Bitches be gettin' on my nerves with this tryin' to change somebody thing.

Get over it, princess! He's dealing with your flaws too!

Where do you see the Davis family in 20 years??

Celebrating NC State's incredible 20 straight national titles in both sports

Naturally.

I've always loved Anj's optimism.

_________________________________________

Marriage isn't for poohs, friends.

I would suggest praying all the way through.

And being thankful every single day for your shugpie.

a late night thought on marriage.

it's 11:23 at night, and grandma that i am, i am normally in bed and fast asleep by now. but, tonight, i couldn't sleep. ever have those nights when you can't turn your brain off? usually mine is from worrying (workin on that) ... but, tonight, i was just thinkin. about life. how it changes from childhood to when you're a teenager. to when you go to college and/or leave home/town and are on your own for the first time. and how the people closest to you changes too.

when you are a child, your family is your everything. they teach and model for you what is normal. what love is. what is and isn't okay. then, you get older, and your friends become your world. you just know that y'all will be inseparable forever.

but then, college is over, or you get your dream job, or you meet the man of your dreams. life gets busier. you make time for phone dates or trips to starbucks or target. and if you are lucky, you marry a wonderful man who loves and embraces your friends like you do.

on nights like this when i'm thinking too much, i lay there and watch anj sleep, and think how very very precious he is to me. how i simply cannot believe that God had it in His plans to pick this man out just for me. if it's pms time, it really makes me want to cry.

anj is so good - too good - to me. he takes care of me, emotionally and physically. those of you who really know me know that i am a worrier, and i am much, much more sensitive than i appear to be. i can work myself into a tizzy over nothing. i'm learning that life's too short for that mess though. but, anj, he is so perfect for me. i cannot name one single time in our whole eight years when i freaked out about something and he didn't act like it wasn't a big deal. not one single time.

even the time when i literally cut the end of my thumb off, all the meat past the fingernail - bled hard and fast for 3 hours ... blood runnin down to my elbows - did anj freak out? no ma'am. he just brought me a plate of food (that i couldn't eat because one hand was bleeding and the other one was holding pressure on it) and drove off to cvs to buy all kindsa shit to make a bandage. cool as a cucumber, friends. i - on the other hand, was cryin like a baby and rockin back and forth like i had absolutely no sense whatsoever.

it used to make me mad that he was so calm all the time. but now, i see what a blessing it is. the last thing i need is somebody to egg me on. there was a time in my life when i dated such a guy. he was high strung like me, and easy to get all rowled up. not a good combination.

we are friends with couples now who are just like that. one is cool as a cucumber, and the other not so much. as long as you are with your balance, all is good in the hood. a lot of my friends and family and people that i've known over the years have marriages that would never in eight million years be kosher with me. that is not to say that their way is wrong, just wrong for us.

anyhoo, this is what comes out when i write late at night after thinking what a magical snuggle pie anj is. sometimes it feels like, wow! how could we have really been knowing each other for eight years?!? and other times, it feels like every single day when he walks through the door, it's the first time i've ever laid eyes on him. and this is really only the beginning. i have no idea why God chose to bless me the way He did with this man, but I certainly am thankful.

now, back to sleep it is {hopefully}

deuces ;)

MONEY: easy envelope budget aid = the shiz

Don't go running for the hills. I just wanted to share this app with y'all. 

Might keep you from stranglin your hubs. Might keep him from stranglin you. Or, might help you save for somethin you been wantin forevaaa. Maybe you already know about it.

Well, I am here to make your life easier, sugar pies. You've probably heard of the "envelope" system? Put money in envelopes for certain things? $X for groceries, $X for entertainment, whatever your needs are. When the money's gone, it's gone? Well, Easy Envelope Budget Aid is like a virtual envelope system. It really is super easy. Duh, or I wouldn't do it, much less write about it.

So, background: Andrew and I use the system of a shared bank account for everything. When we first got married, we thought we'd do one shared account for bills/house needs/stuff that's for both of us ... and separate spending accts. But it was a pain in the arse, and there were some things that fell in the "gray" area ... "Why is this coming from my money? I'm not the one who wanted to go to ______ / do _________, blah, blah, blah."

So, we decided, that it would be easier (and so far, way more effective) to set an amount that we have each month for anything that's NOT fixed ... like groceries, going out to eat, shopping, a new mattress, gifts, gas, anything that is NOT a set price each month (like rent/student loans, etc). We personally, only use one "envelope" for all non-fixed spending. But you could set up as many envelopes as you like.

This little app allows me and the hubs to put in a set amount each month for non-fixed spending, and we can both have access because we set both of us up on the acct. (We use the free version, but there are several available that are more detailed and help you analyze your spending, etc.)

So, for example, when Anj spends money on gas, he records it on the EEBA app, and I can see that the money has been deducted from our spending money for the month when I bring up the app on my phone. When I go to Target and buy e.l.f. products and Diet Coke, Anj can see it. (Just record the total cost.)

It's basically a running tab, "put money in" at the beginning of the month, and "take money out" as you spend it. If you get a refund, or return a purchase, etc, you can just "put that money back in". It's just a running list of addition and subtraction, much like a checkbook would look. It divides up the money left by the number of days left in the month, and it will make a little sad face if you're goin in the hole. It will give you a little message, "You're behind by $75.18. Stop spending for two days?" So cute.

Then there's the "critical" face - yikesation.

It's not actually "tied" to any account, so it's up to you to record your spending. It updates immediately, and your spouse can see it. (Or, if you just want to keep up with your own personal spending and are trying to stay within a budget .. works the same way.) Keeps you from having to check a bunch of different statements all the time: bank, this credit card, that credit card, etc.

I love it! And the money left (or debt left :( ) from one month just rolls over to the next. It helps to keep from putting a huge dent in your account one month and feeling like you've totally blown it. Like, maybe if it's 4/28, and we only have a little left for the month of April and I need to get gas, and so does Andrew, and we need to buy groceries, I can put my trip to Sephora off until May's budget. Know what I'm sayin, shugs? Or like when you do make a once-in-a-blue-moon purchase (like tires, mattress, new washing machine, whatever), you can see where the "huge dent" came from and be conscious to try to spend a little less over the next several months.

Anyhoo, it's helped us a lot, so I thought I'd share.

Adios, and good luck! :D

three years as the Missus

I can't believe it's been three years. So much has happened in these three years, but I still feel magical and bubbly when it comes to Anj Davis. I thank God everyday because I know we are blessed. But not perfect. Takes prayer, love and patience.

When we got engaged, I prayed for God to make our marriage solid. For us to put God first, then each other and our marriage. He has done just that. And some of it's been challenging. But, I do. I value and love my husband more now than I did three years ago when I married him. I love him in a different way. In a more solid and real way.

In my opinion, anyone who says marriage doesn't make things different is either lying or has their priorities out of order. We dated for four years before getting married, and I thought, how different can it be? We know each other so well, and have already been through a good bit. Wrong. It's not that the people in the marriage morph into someone else. But, you have made promises to God about what you will do and who you will be in your marriage. And it's not something to take lightly. God always knows what's on your heart. And I think He expects you to keep your promises and to give it your all.

For me, it was an adjustment to see Andrew as my first of kin. My other half. That's what I told God he would be to me, and I meant it. But, I had to learn how to do that, and exactly what that meant. It's weird to spend your whole life (especially as a girl) thinking of Mama and your family you grew up with as your world, and then when you get married, they are no longer your "first of kin". But it's something I grew into. And I don't love my mama, or any of the rest of my family any less. But my heart grew, and my husband comes first in all of my decisions. His opinion counts first. His needs are my job. And that's more than okay with me. And it's a two way street. We are each other's family and put each other first (after God) - before everyone and everything else in this life. There will always be people on the outside looking in, thinking you did the wrong thing. Even people who love you and want what's best for you and your marriage might judge. But you have to pray about it, consciously put your spouse first, and trust your instincts.

It's weird to not just make a decision - but to consult (and want to consult) your spouse first. And other people may not love that decision. But, frankly, it's not up to them.

I think that it's important to find the balance in your relationship. Not every marriage is gonna work the same way. Who does the cooking, the cleaning, the money managing, the childcare ... or whatever balance of such responsibilities you and your spouse decide. What matters is that both people feel respected and supported. It's not so much, "this is your job and this is my job", but rather, "this is how we divide things, and this is how we like it, even if other couples don't do it this way."



There are a couple things, however that I think benefit all relationships, no matter what:

1) Pray about everything and pray for your spouse daily. Sometimes, you and your spouse just aren't going to agree on something. And maybe, neither of you even knows what's best. You've analyzed it until it doesn't even make sense. Stop arguing with your spouse. Stop analyzing. Pray about it instead. And pray for them. And truly, stop and think, Am I being selfish? Or am I thinking about what's best for us and our marriage?

2) Remember, your spouse is the other half of you. That's how God sees it. And seeing it this way helps tremendously when your spouse does something that makes you angry, or that you don't understand. How you treat your spouse, is how you treat your relationship, which will directly affect you in the long run. Don't kill something that you may never find again. If it's important to your spouse, especially if it bothers them, then it should be important to you too - even if you don't understand it. Maybe your spouse gets really stressed about money. So, don't do shit to add to the problem, like making purchases that you know aren't really necessary. Talk about it. Set up a budget so that there's some grounds, and some leeway for spending, and your spouse feels like y'all are on the same team now. Or, if your spouse hates that you spend so much time away from home/hanging out with so-and-so, WHATEVER it is. Take time to discuss it. Don't let it grow bigger and bigger just because you think their fear/dislike is unfounded.

3) NEVER say things to belittle or insult your spouse, period. Even when your spouse is not around. But - ESPECIALLY in front of other people. EVER.  If you have an issue with something they did, voice your feelings, but don't take stabs at them as a person. This includes making fun of how he did a shitty job fixing the sink, or how you asked him to do something "simple", but he did "blah, blah, blah" instead. He is not a child. And you talking disrespectfully about him to other people makes you look like a bitch. Period. So don't. It's hard to clean up the mess your mouth makes.

4) Choose your battles. If he did/does something that truly hurts/disrespects you, say something. But ... if he didn't fold the towels the way you like, or if she don't make biscuits the way your mama does it. Get over it, playah. Suck it up. Guess what? You didn't marry ya mama/daddy. Overall, is it worth nagging him about? Maybe you can do it ya damn self, know what I'm sayin? Your spouse loves you. And comes home to you every night. And chose you to marry. Focus on the positives, sugar.

5) Be thankful. Let your shug pie know you appreciate and love him and that you think he's a hottie. He will appreciate it, and want to make sure you keep on feelin' that way.

OBVIOUSLY these all apply to both spouses, mmmk?

And that's Big Mama Shug's top 5 for now.  I'm not perfect. Neither is Anj. And I'm certain we both still have tons to learn. But we are blessed. And thankful. And show each other how much we are glad the other is here. :)

Yours Truly,
Mrs. Anj Davis

Beefy & Anj - a love story

Picture it: 

Raleigh, 2004

Once upon a time, there was a young, somewhat crass and slightly unrefined, beautiful, southern girl named Beefy (told y'all, I have a handful of nicknames) who attended the most magical university in the great state of North Carolina, and quite possibly the world, North Carolina State University, home of the beloved Wolfpack. She lived in an all girls dorm which was one of three other dorms in a little nook on campus called the Quad (fourth part was the C-store). She loved spending her days with her Berry girls and could often be found swinging in the swing outside with any of an assortment of friends, many of which were roomies and best buds with a handsome young man named "Davis". Beefy and her friends had visited many of these friends in the dorm next door on several occasions. But somehow, Beefy had never laid eyes on this "Davis" character that everyone seemed to know and love. 

Until one day - when one of Beefy's friends said, "Hey Beefy, wanna come with me over to the boys' house?" (At this point, our boys from the dorm next door had begun to rent a magical abode which the group lovingly referred to as Lord Berk.) Well - Beefy's first impression of Davis was that he was quite handsome, but appeared to be a snotty frat boy. Which was most definitely NOT Beefy's type. During this initial encounter Beefy decided that she preferred to call Davis by his first name, Andrew. Beefy wondered why Andrew was so quiet, and she wrongly assumed that Andrew was stuck up. She also felt intrigued to find that such a quiet, fratty looking boy was the owner of the Chevy Silverado parked in the carport with the tags in the front that read, "American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God". (She had a T-shirt that said the exact same thing). Andrew also thought it was quite forward of Beefy to insist that she not pay the required $5 for a red solo cup at the upcoming Fourth of July party, as the Fourth of July was Beefy's birthday. But, Andrew assured her anyway that he hoped to see her there, and she would not, in fact, be asked to pay on her birthday. 

 

The Fourth of July soon rolled around and Beefy made an appearance with her dear friend and roommate. However, the appearance was brief, and upon leaving, Andrew grabbed Beefy's hand and said she should stay. But, Beefy left anyway, and noted that Andrew's hands were quite soft to the touch.

  Then - Beefy decided it might be fun to play games with Andrew, as they were young and single, and she'd probably never see him or hang out with him again anyway. And soon thereafter, quite the flirtatious AOL Instant Messenger conversation ensued. Pretty soon, Andrew started finding reasons to come over and hang out with Beefy and her friend Ashley on random weeknights, keeping her up until the wee hours of the morning with random conversation, insisting that she need not go to bed, despite the late hour, because there was no way her boss would fire a pretty girl like her for coming in exhausted and late. (He did not know Beefy's boss was a woman who did not care how pretty she was or wasn't.) And as these little visits increased in frequency, Beefy's mother and grandmother began to ask if she had some interest in this boy. But Beefy assured them that there most certainly was not any interest. Because, she was still fairly certain that there wasn't.

In the upcoming weeks, Beefy was away at the beach with her Berry girl, Ashley and Andrew was away on a Farm Trip with his daddy and some other southern menfolk. Ashley and Beefy spent nights giggling and thinking of how handsome Andrew was, and Ashley strongly encouraged Beefy to call Andrew. But she dared not. All the while, Andrew was away thinking, "Maybe I should give this girl a shot. She's not really that hardcore. Good personality. Nice donk. And I'm diggin the accent."

Numerous chit chats and Bud Heavies were had and then came ... The Night of the Fried Chicken. You see, one night, after an evening of valeting, Andrew met up with Beefy at a party. Beefy had stupidly filled Andrew's head with thoughts of how good she was at making delicious fried chicken. Meanwhile, Beefy had never, ever, ever actually made fried chicken a day in her life. Off they went, from the party, to the Food Lion to pick up ingredients for fried chicken, rice, biscuits (the Mary B's frozen kind, duh), and some string beans. Beefy's heart began to race as she frantically wondered how she would pull this off. So, into the driveway of Lord Berk they arrived. Beefy egg-dipped, floured, fried and prayed over the chicken. She asked God to forgive her for telling stories and at least make the chicken turn out edible and not be bleeding at the center. Lord knows she didn't want the boy to get food poisoning.

Thankfully, God answered Beefy's prayers as Andrew commended her on the delicious chicken and proceeded to eat his whole plateful, and some of Beefy's when she said she was full. (Andrew didn't realize Beefy wasn't really full, but nervous. And that he'd never hear her say she was full ever, ever again.) But Beefy made a grave mistake. One that would be revealed about a week later at yet another party. (Beefy and Andrew's friends liked to get together and enjoy each other's company quite frequently.)

So, there, a week later, at Ashley's party, Beefy and Andrew's budding romance was revealed. The bean spiller was their dear mutual friend Ryan, who sneakily had his girlfriend (now wife) stand guard in the hall as he dug through the mystery girl's purse in search of some form of identification. And there, in Beefy's wallet, Ryan found what he needed. 

"Oh, it's just Beth. We can go back to bed now."

Yep, right there, amidst the gathering of friends, Ryan announced his findings and asked what was up. Beefy was quite nauseous, being put on the spot like that, because Andrew was not there yet. (He was valeting again.) And, Beefy didn't know "what was up." Were they dating? Her mind raced. Her heart pounded.

But ... from the way Beefy and Andrew were acting toward one another when he did finally arrive, there was indeed, somethin cookin between those two. And it was more than fried chicken. 

This was later confirmed when Andrew let Beefy's friend Ashley know what he was lookin to see where things went with Beefy - and if it got serious? Well, that'd be alright with him.

And everyday after that, Beefy fell more and more in love with Andrew and affectionately began to call him "Anj". Anj kept Beefy in his phone as "Beefy" and he realized that Beefy was a sweet lil southern thang he could bring home to Mama. She of course, was equally relieved to find out that he was not a frat boy, or snobby. Her parents, too, were quite pleased with Mr. Anj.

And, so, after many late night outings in the Raleighwood, countless text conversations, one Valentine's-Day-text-message-misunderstanding-which-resulted-in-one-dozen-red-roses-delivered-by-Anj-himself-to-Beefy's-workplace, and many, many, many midnight trips to Cook Out, the rest, my friends, is history.

I leave you with some throwback photos of the Mister and Missus.

Happy Valentine's Day, snookie pies.

And Anj Davis, I love you! 

;)

But Cosmo, You Promised This Would Work!

 this is one of those posts I wrote and then wondered if I should publish, and then I decided, yeah ... I will. So here it is:

Attention America:

No need to raise your daughters or teach them anything about the opposite sex, self respect, or anything about marriage or what that even means. Or your sons, for that matter ... they don't need to know anything about anything because with Cosmo around, they will have girls (crazy ones, likely) throwin themselves at them, left and right.

Just a few tidbits from this month's issue: (my two cents is in italics/parentheses)

* how to totally entice a guy: master the subtle yet irresistible signal that body-language experts swear by ... "The lip bite brings out his inner caveman. Why? It causes blood to rush to your lips, which plumps and reddens your pout. Both are signs of fertility, and when a guy sees them, it sets off his primitive instinct, since he's subconsciously looking for a mate with whom he can reproduce. (Although, in his conscious mind, he just picked you up at a bar in the hot, short, dress Cosmo suggested you wear and he's pretty much just thinkin about gettin the goods. But don't worry, ladies, he is thinking of a mate with whom he can reproduce in his SUBconscious). But all that caveman business aside, the gesture also suggests that you're struggling to figure something out, which sparks his curiousity. (Guys love when you look confused and stupid). He sees that your wheels are turning (oh hell!!) and wants to know what's going on in there.

* how to know what kind of dude you've landed yourself based on what part of your body is his favorite. (All based on research of course).
- boobs - sexually adventurous
- legs - loves a powerful woman
- face - he's expressive
- ass - he has an alpha-male streak
(I guess if your man likes you and all of your 2,000 parts, then you should congratulate yourself, because you, Sugar, have landed yourself hookup/boyfriend/husband of the year.)

* when you should "pull the trigger" regarding friending him on Facebook. (people, this is serious shit - Cosmo did a survey, so it's totally legit)
 - no need to continue to fret and lose sleep over when to friend him on Facebook (never mind him havin the nuts to friend you ...)

* 8 things you can do to get his attention (again, clearly you need to step your game up to compete with tons of other beezies to prove to him that you are worthy of a conversation with him) ... here are a few:
- go wild on him, by stripping or coming up with some crazy game, as long as it's your idea
- geek out, show your nerdy side
- go au naturel (please ignore the fact that the entire magazine is full of tiny bodied, big boobied, highly made up, air brushed models and celebrities who are scantily clad straddling some dude ... but, again, the point of this tip is to not wear make up - because men find that to be really hot - it's your natural beauty that counts.)

* 91% of men say they'd pay $1,000 to make sure what happens at a bachelor party stays there. (Again ladies, this is for your own good - so you know that one day, when you get married (which you will clearly find a good man using all these helpful sex tricks and knowing how to do exactly what every man on earth wants), it will be okay if he and his buddies do tons of shit that is none of your business, and that he'd never feel comfortable having you know, Future Wifey. There is no reason to use his inappropriate behavior and lies thereafter as a reason not to trust him moving forward.)

* what spring shades HE digs and where HE wants you to wear them - just so you're clear
- i.e., on your body instead of your eye lids

* what things he doesn't need to know:
- for example, continually pull out secrets about yourself so he stays on the edge of his seat ... the more he feels he doesn't have you pegged, the more infatuated he'll be (you want him infatuated with you, mmmk?) .. so, like, don't explain that you took piano as a kid. Spring it on him instead. (the last thing you want is your man hittin it up with his secretary because you bored him too soon with your ability to play piano or speak Spanish. Whoop that excitement out years into the relationship ... if you haven't run him off by doing the wrong thing)

* how to get a peek into his personality by decoding his man bag (seriously??)

* what to do in tricky scenarios such as:
- my ex called to tell me that he screwed up and really wants to get back together ... but he's currently dating someone else! what does it mean and what should i do?  Cosmo's reply: What he's really saying is that he's not into his current girlfriend and would much rather be with you." (to be fair, Cosmo did go on to tell this chick that she shouldn't even discuss it with him until he's totally single. But, let's get real, Sugar. The fact he even has the nuts to call you while he's got some other dummy on hold shows his lack of trustworthiness/dependability/serious ego/ selfishness/etc etc etc. You should have hung up on him, and you shouldn't be wasting your time or Cosmo's by writing in.)

**************************

Okay, okay. Maybe I'm bein a lil hard on Cosmo. After all, nobody makes you buy it, right? I know, I know ... some of you are wondering why I'm even reading the magazine if I think it's such shit. Well, Cosmo is fine, if taken with a grain of salt and if you are not looking for guidance and self esteem. I kinda dig the makeup tutorials myself. And some of the fashion. And this is not to judge grown ass women who like reading Cosmo. Hey friends, I admit, when I was in high school and college, I loved some Cosmo. I'm just sayin, to me, it leans toward, "Here Honey. This is what you need to do to yourself to make him want you."

My point is not really about Cosmo - but reading this Cosmo just reminded me of the fact that so many young girls (and grown women) are living in this mentality that they need to be something specific (other than who they really are) to land and keep a guy.

It just breaks my heart to see girls OF ALL AGES from 5 to 65 doing all these things to be pretty enough, skinny enough, hot enough, popular enough, to get picked ... for cheerleading, to sit at the popular lunch table, hell there are even blogging cliques (vomit - how old are we?!). I don't think we realize how it sneaks into kids' brains, either. Dolls in full makeup and mini skirts made for 5 year olds, Barbies who are like 8 feet tall with double D boobs and a size 2 waist. There are a million out there, and it just makes me want to ralph. my. brains. out. 

No thanks. Let's teach our daughters, sisters, friends, nieces, cousins, granddaughters, co-workers, whoever, that life ain't about showin all your goodies and being a bitch (or a pushover) to get what you want. Nobody is the boss of you. If you gotta do stuff that makes you feel not good enough, or bad about yourself to fit in with whoever - shit ain't worth havin. Just be what God made you to be. People who are worth having around in your life will stick around without you having to exhaust yourself figuring out how to keep them there. Trust. God made you the way you are. He doesn't screw up.

Love,
Shug

Girl, You KNOW Yo Mama Taught You Betta!

I am stealing this from a friend of mine's facebook note ... so simple, but so true, and so hard to "get" when you're in the middle of it all ...

IF A MAN WANTS YOU ...

By: Salma Rumman

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can’t "be friends." A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

And hey, some of you dudes should be listenin' to this too - with some chicks treatin' you like YESTERDAY'S TRASH.

And for good measure, Garth here shows how nasty it can get when you act like a dummy and treat  somebody doin SKETCHY stuff like they are your end-all, be-all. SOMEBODY gone get hurt. Never fails!

And another lesson can be learned ... dudes shouldn't wear wigs. ;) You're welcome.

Remember loves, if you gone play your own face, then why shouldn't somebody else?

Fo realz.

*PS - Anj is recoopin' from his mayjahly whack wisdom tooth teeth extraction surgery ... post comin' tomorrow probably.

Girrrrrrl, you need a hug?

I should warn you, today's post is a novel, but sometimes our thoughts and feelings aren't summed up in something that's conducive to a neat and tidy blog post.

Isn't it fun bein a girl? Sometimes. But, sometimes it sucks. I know I for one, have times when I feel nothing but blessed. Like God has given me more than I EVER deserved. And my mind KNOWS this is true, regardless of how I'm FEELING. But, on the real, feeling so much all the time is exhausting, is it not? Because sometimes I feel the opposite - self-pity, depression, jealousy, discontentment, irritable towards those who love me the most.

I read these two posts today from Life on the Rox and Mommy Teaches, and it made me wanna write about life's struggles when you are a girl. I'm not saying men don't have their struggles. But, as women, we feel a different sort of pressure, and the sad thing is, I think most of that pressure comes from other women. Do they make us feel that way, or do we do it to ourselves? The crap that goes on in my mind from one week to the next is a complete 180 and it's EXHAUSTING sometimes. I feel like I'm two or three different people.

It seems that in life, there are certain categories, as a woman  ... school/job, relationships, kids, beauty/self worth, finances ... and while it is impossible to be perfect in all these categories, we damn sure try. But, what's worse to me, is that I know I personally, struggle to appreciate the areas where I am blessed because I am not doing super awesome in the other areas.

I have an amazing husband, for example, so I feel incredibly blessed in this aspect. Everyday, I'm like, "Why do I deserve him?" BUT - on the other extreme, I'd certainly like to have a happy little life in a happy little house where we see each other everyday like normal folks. And, I get tired of dealing with diabetes. I think, I'm sick of skinny bitches whining about 10 lbs. when they can workout whenever they want with no thought to plummeting blood sugars or sky high sugars from turning your insulin down too low, all while worrying what long-term damage you're doing to your body with those sugars. Or people who can just decide to have kids whenever they want. I realize this is a warped view. But that's my point, your perception is your reality, so if I believe that crap, it will take over my brain in a matter of seconds. But then, I immediately feel guilty because I am in good health, all things considered, with health insurance, and resources at my fingertips to help me control it.

I get SO SICK of looking at posts about people's brand new $50,000+ car, or their daily posts of outfits, which cost hundreds of dollars. Then, again, I immediately feel like a  bitch because obviously, I must be afflicted by some degree of jealousy for it to make me sick, right? I get SICK of hearing women WHINE about how their husband doesn't make enough money, and generally nitpicking EVERY EVER LOVING THING HE DOES. Well, why the hell did you marry him if you have so many gripes about his existence? STFU! 

And I know kids are a handful, but you women who WHINE about their kids ALL. THE. TIME ... Guess what? YOU HAVE SOME. Some women can't! Again, STFU! And while we're on that note, STOP asking people, "When are y'all gonna have kids?" 1) maybe they aren't ready 2) maybe they can't 3) maybe it ain't NONE of YO business

I think it's extremely important, at every age, to maintain close ties with other women. Real friends. Friends who aren't toxic. Friends who make you see your self-worth, not the kind who remind you how fattening that brownie is, or tell you how you need to handle your marriage, job, kids because you aren't doing it right. Women who don't try to fix it for you, they just listen. Let's be honest, some stuff only the man upstairs can fix. Your friend just needs a shoulder to cry on. Men get this. Women struggle with it, myself included. We just want to fix, fix, fix. Shhhh! Just listen. Clearly, if you want advice, and you ask for it, that's what friends are for. But you beezies out there who just give it without being asked, I don't ask you because I clearly don't want my life to look like yours. So thanks very much fo keepin yo mouth SHUT.

 I don't care how much you love your husband, kids, home, job, etc. YOU HAVE TO HAVE TIME WITH FRIENDS OR YOU WILL LOSE YO MIND! There is nothing sicker than the feeling of being eaten alive with jealousy of what your friends have. Friends that you really do love, but you just feel like they have it all, regardless of the reality. And it's easy to do when you don't maintain contact because slowly, as you drift apart, it starts to seem like your friend has it all, because you're not close anymore and you don't know the whole story because they don't feel comfortable telling you anymore. 

I don't have kids yet. I pray the Lord chooses to bless us with children one day, but I worry a lot about how to raise girls especially, to love themselves, and to love others. Jealousy and depression are like besties. And they creep up everywhere. And it starts young. I see girls who are 8 years old forming cliques and judging each other based on what they wear and what they look like. LITTLE GIRLS YOUNGER THAN TEN WHO DON'T EAT LUNCH BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO GET FAT.


I don't really know what my point is with today's post to be honest with y'all, but how do we find the balance? How do we accept what we have? Not only accept it, but be grateful? How do we have genuine happiness for friends without feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't have what they have? Where does this all start? Is it how we are raised? Is it how we are socialized in this country? Why is it so easy to feel like shit about yourself because you can't go out and buy a Range Rover and a Louis Vuitton on a whim? Why are we jealous of women who stay at home with their kids, but then criticize them for wanting to do so? And there are others of us who do the same thing with women who choose to have a career. Why is it any of our business?! Why do we feel like a loser because all of our friends are married and we haven't met Mr. Wonderful? Why are we behind because we haven't bought a house and our friends have? Why do we feel like we should have kids because our friends do? What is up with that? Why do we feel like our choices in life are the wrong ones because they don't match what our friends have done? And for that matter, how do we take a time out to realize what our friends might be going through? And that they might need us? We are trained to put on a smile, squeeze into a size too small and pretend like everything is AWESOME. Maybe I think too much ...

I've had a hard last few years. I wonder if God has me in time out or something. Like I am just spinning in neutral. I don't wanna get on here and whine about it, but what I'm saying is, what is happy? Are there women out there who are happy? I can't name one of my female friends who doesn't go through this cycle of everything is great, then, my life sucks so much, I just don't think I can handle it. So, it's more common than we think. But, in bloggie land, and on facebook, and twitter, it's more PC to talk about how awesome everything is all the time. We don't wanna be the one who is struggling, or can't handle her problems. I know I for one, feel worse when I write about it, because when I write about it I focus on it, so I think that's why I don't write about it. And, honestly, if I write about things that do make me happy, it actually works to make me feel better. But on the other hand, I think it needs to be said that nobody's life is perfect. It's okay to need help, to struggle, to need to bitch or cry.

The only thing I know is that I have to trust that God knows what He's doing. And I just pray for Him to show me how many things I have to be grateful for. And it works, but I have to keep praying. It's not a one time fixes all kinda deal.

To all my ladies, I love you. The trips to dinner once in a blue moon, or outing to target, or just a text from you or a comment on my blog MAKE MY DAY! For that, I am blessed and thankful.

Hang in there shugs!

Any thoughts on how you find gratitude and keep on keepin on?

Go find a friend and give her a hug. She prolly needs it, even if she doesn't say so.

Oh How I Love Thee ...

Just let me count the ways y'all -

Today, as I was eating my taco salad, I was thinkin about how it is the best blamed taco meat I have eva had. Because my husband is the shiz in the kitchen and everywhere else. I don't know what he does to season it. But, it will make you wanna smack somebody. Hard. I am also madly in love with his bomb omelets and chili. He knew how much I love to eat when we met - with our nightly dinners, and a standard second supper Cook Out run around 11pm. 

Anyhoo ... 

My husband is the bomb and I just wanted to tell the world how magically fantastic he is.

1) homeboy got mad omelet, chili and taco meat skillz among others which I will surely be reminded of far more frequently than I deserve.

2) he supports tolerates my blog addiction and the time it sucks out of my our life, including my need to take random pics when we go basically everywhere. This includes but is not limited to asking random people to take pics with me/us or being a sweet little prop so I can sneak other more interesting background happenings in without being noticed. Hopefully.

3) he is Mr. Budget.com I HATE DEALIN WITH MONEY MATTERS and I am so grateful that he takes care of that for us, and I just comply to the boundaries.

4) He grocery shops. And he likes it that way.

5) He supports my love of country and rap - neither of which he loves a whole whole lot - although there are some exceptions - see #19. Meanwhile, I gripe and whine about the shiz he listens to on Indie Rock stations on Sirius.

6)  He thinks I'm hot even with the gadgets that attach to my body and beep and holler throughout the day and all hours of the night.

7) He thinks my um, He likes the way I am shaped.

8) He's not jealous, and doesn't harass my phone a zillion times while I am away from him. IF YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO DOES THIS - GUY OR GIRL - QUIT TRIPPIN AND GAIN SOME SELF RESPECT.

9) He SHOW IZ easy on the eyes.

10) He thinks I'm funny. 

11) I think he's funny.

12) We love NC Stizzle tailgatin. Whaaat?!?

I'm still workin on helping him understand the necessity of purchases of bomb NC State clothing and tailgating items.

13) He irons. Yuck. I hate doin that too.

14) He's generally go-with-the-flow. 

Thank you Lord that I ain't married to a man who whines about married couple obligatory stuff and events.

15) Slice can fix all kindsa gizmo mess that I would just throw in the trash.

16) He keeps in touch with his friends, and is there when they need him.

17) He lets me sleep with the fan on even though he totally hates doesn't prefer it. Including traveling with the fan for hotel stays.

18) He thinks stuff like Teen Wolf, the original, is hilarious.

19) He lets me know what I been missin, like, Butta, by Cool Breeze.

20) He shares my love of bacon on any and everything possible.

21) He loves Jesus.

22) He rocks red Adidas track pants with white stripes down the side. Got the matchin jacket too.

23) He is such an awesome fan that he gets up in front of the TV, pulling out his own hair to yell encourage the players on screen.

You like our technology cluster on top, don't you?

24) He lets me drag him to antique shops, thrift stores and flea markets with minimal complaint.

25) He doesn't mind when Brody tries to snuggle his armpit and put his wet nose on him while he is drivin.

26) He looks real tasty in white T-shirts and he lets me snuggle him real close on the couch when he's wearin em.

27) He gave me a Rubix cube for Christmas.

28) I gotta go because I'm writin this on Friday afternoon and it's 3:30 and I haven't showered or vacuumed or done the laundry I put in the dryer. And I need to go to the grocery store. And I don't wanna blog this in front of Anj, clearly. Since I like him so much, I'd like to not look haggard when he gets home like I did when he came home for lunch.

Girls, if you got a good man at home, give him a hug and a widdle squeeze and tell him how special he is!

Love,

That's Davis - D - A - V - I - S!!!

On this day, two years ago, me & Anj Pie were at our wedding reception, eating BBQ and dancing to the Cupid Shuffle - well I was with lots of our friends. It was a magical day that turned out just perfectly (minus the DJ playing Here Comes the Bride BEFORE I was anywhere near walking the aisle - our friend Emma was however, so she walked down while it was playing). :)

Today, I celebrated our two years of matrimony by talking to Blue Cross Blue Shield/Human Resources yet again about MY FRIGGIN NAME! Let me be clear - I DO NOT regret changing my name - however, I just want to make a brief public service announcement:

If you get married and drop your FIRST name, there WILL be hell to pay. Just be warned. When we got married, I thought I'd be lucky enough to be like any other southern chick who wants to drop a name and add her husband's last name onto the end of hers. Neggggative.

Lady @ the SS Card office: Ohhh, no, no. You can't drop your first name.

Me: What do you mean, I can't?

Ever since Sept. 11, you can't drop it.

What? 

Well, you can, but you have to go to the courthouse to do that.

Fast forward - me @ courthouse, $66, original birth certificate, marriage license, picture ID - Like 5 chicks @ courthouse - Whyyyyy do you want to do that? Umm, I want to drop it for the same reason every other chick drops her middle name. How bout you don't worrrrrrrry bout it?

The legal document literally has to be posted in public view on a bulletin board in the bottom floor of the Wake County courthouse - you know, in case one of Andrew's ex-girlfriends objects or something. (Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?) Then, at the stroke of midnight, when the rooster crows, you throw some salt over your shoulder, drive back and get the dang Proof of Name Change document .... aka my life line.

New Birth Certificate issued - minus my first name at birth ... now my birth certificate says I was born w/ only my middle name and my last.

Thennnnnnnn I go get a new SS card, license................IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

Holy Monkey. As I watch the girl obscenely tongue down her chewing gum, and stare at my name change document while I'm ...omg...ALSO trying to come from a different state....I am just praying that God will give me a SC license with my real deal holyfield married name on it. A brief confrontation, marriage license, ss card, secret meeting in the back with the manager later, I have my SC driver's license with my real name on it. Hallelujah!

Fast forward some more --- back to NC in the Quay. Ugh. Why?! Why?! Why?!!!!

Same deal - except it was necessary to give a lesson on the fact that women, in general, sometimes, drop a name when they get married. Dude had never heard of such. So, the fact that I was dropping my first name was pretty much the antichrist. The fact that I was already "in the system" as having a NC license before under MY DANNNNNNNNG MAIDEN NAME was just tooooooooooo much to handle. 45 minutes later, showing of all the same documents mentioned above....I get the slip of paper saying what my license will say when it arrives in the mail 10 days later....in this order: MIDDLE MARRIED MAIDEN .....whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? NO NO NO NO NO !!!!!!!!!

My most recent events of 2011 include fixing my name on my email at work, fixing my name on my dental insurance cards, (they said FIRST MAIDEN MARRIED - NOPE - NEVER WENT BY THAT NAME) ... and today.......working to get my name fixed on my health insurance card WHICH WAS ALREADY RIGHT TO BEGIN WITH. BCBS lady had NO IDEA why they felt the urge to randomly mail me out new insurance cards with the wrong name on them. HOLY CANOLI! If Anj ever cheats on me or one of us gets hit by a truck - I can't ever change my name again. I just can't.

Butttttttt...........

I love Anj so much. I look at some married couples - and some people who have been married for 40 years and I think, "Wow. Some people go through their entire lives and have NEVER found what God has blessed Andrew and me with." I cannot think of anyone that I'd like to trade with. That IS NOT to say we are perfect by any remotely fuzzy stretch of the imagination. The beauty is in appreciating those things that are difficult/irritating/disturbing (lol) as reasons to grow closer. For example, Andrew Davis LOVES HIM SOME PERSONAL FINANCE AND EXCEL. Me? I'd rather pluck my eye lashes out one at a time. But really - the key for us so far is to always remember to play. Is anything really serious enough to cause you to jeopardize what you have at home? The skeezer at work or job promotion or your girl friends are NOT the greener grass on the other side! I feel that we have been blessed to have been given a spouse with which we can share life's good and bad. If you can't laugh at yourself and the situation, you gone have a rough road.

I think we also choose to look at every situation as a way that God is building our marriage and our character and using that to draw us closer to Him. Besides, no one likes a whiner. #15, work to keep things "alive". Do you have to be a size 2? No. But is it attractive to be with someone who cares how he/she looks? Who has ambition to feel good and be healthy and there for you when you need em? Yes. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU RAMBLE ON AND ON FOR YEARS ABOUT CALORIES AND RUNNING AND HOW UGLY YOU ARE. Like Hazel says: Only a dog wants a bone. (love) Being comfortable in your own skin and having confidence is the hotness, friends!

I also think about the difference between mature love and that over-the-top delusional with lust "love". I truly feel like Anj is the other half of me. I can't imagine doing anything to intentionally hurt him, as that would be like shooting myself in the foot, and who wants that? I want my husband happy and feeling cherished. :) I love Anj so much that it's hard for me to imagine that I could ever love our children as much. To me, he is the cutest widdle thing God ever made and put on this earth. I could go on for quite awhile, but I will stop so

A) you don't vomit

B) Anj doesn't get really embarrassed and scold me for putting all this on here

Anj makes me feel safe and loved and taken care of. I never have to wonder how he feels about me. He always makes sure that I know. We work really hard to make time to have fun together. I am SO BLESSED to have him!! Anj does sweet, thoughtful, amazing things for me all the time, and I truly feel that he is on my team - through everything - thick and thin.

If you got a good man (or woman) - BE GRATEFUL and thank God for them EVERYDAY! Make sure your shugpie KNOWS how much they mean to you. Don't just save it up for Valentine's Day and the Anniversary.

I <3 Anj Davis forever and ever and ever x 23985083753587340958734

Happy "Anj"iversary shug! (I stole this from my Aunt Sherry - don't be a haterrrrrrr).

Hot, fun-loving, intelligent, loyal girl seeks Jerkface ... again & again

 
Okay, ladies, let's have a discussion. Raise your hand if you've ever been cheated on. Okay, if your hand's not up, I can bet that you've counseled a girlfriend who's gone through the whole, "I can't believe he did this to me"/weight gain (or loss)/I can't do anything without being reminded of him/you wish she'd shut up about it ordeal. (I mean, I been there myself, who hasn't?)

Or hey, maybe he wasn't a cheater, but he was just a skeezer in some other way. Maybe everything was always your fault (even his screw ups). I once had an ex who got a ticket for flying like a bat out of hades, but of course it was my fault because we were going to my parents' house. Reaaaaaally Shug? Umm, no thanks. Maybe that pouty blame-everybody-else-for-your-own-incompetence/screw-ups thing worked as a child but I'm not your mama. Maybe you were just drivin too fast and the cop didn't care about how cool your oversized tires were. Ugh. Thank Goddddd for gettin' me out of that diiiiiiiiisaster I called a relationship. I mean, maybe he wasn't that bad. But he sho nuff won't for me. (My sweet Anj is sooooo much better). Anyhoooooooooooo... That was the day for me. The day that all my gut feelings got the best of me and I was like, you know what? I'm done with trying to raise my boyfriend. 

Or, maybe everything is about him - his friends, not yours, his family, not yours, he's too tired to do what you want to do, but you're supposed to paint on a smile, and stay a size two & prance around like a doll baby to every event of his life that's oh sooooooo important (and bring a covered dish). You're supposed to just understannnnnnd why he's two hours late coming home because he was doin this that and the other and now you're gonna be late to the event with your friends (cause he doesn't wanna go). Or how about, "My husband's not here. He's never here. You just wait til y'all are married, you won't get him to go anywhere with you." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy goooooooooooooosh. What is wrong with people? I was like, "Umm, say what now?!" Anj Davis goes with me to stuff he may be less than thrilled about, but guess what, I do the same. It's called compromise...not, club a guy over the head and convince him to marry you just so you can pop out babies.

Why do ladies confuse being a desirable girlfriend/wife with losing all of yourself?

Whatever it is, ladies, YOUR GUT IS TRYIN' TO TELL YOUR FOGGGGGGY BRAIN WHATTTTTTT IS GOING ON, but we don't want to listen. He's so hot, he's got a great job, I love his mama...whatever dude. It'll catch up with you. You gonna marrrrrrrrry this anus and reproduce and raise other innocent humans in this misery that you keep pushing to the bottom of your gut. GOD MADE YOU FOR MORE OF A PURPOSE THAN THAT.

We've all been there. Took me forever to get over Mr. Big Tires, but I did and met and married a man that I wouldn't trade in for anything on God's Green Earth. The bottom line is, IF YOU KEEP TALKING TO HIM, AND JUST WON'T LET IT GO - MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOURSELF YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE MANURE ON THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOE, because that's suuuuuuure what he's hearing.

I'm guessing this may sound harsh, but for years, after watching friends in high school puke up their Dr. Pepper over some boy who was NEVER worth their time or not eat for a week because, "If I lose weight, he'll see what he's missed"...VO-MIT! I'll tell you what he sees - the same doormat, but skinnier. Or a college friend who consoled herself through a break up by being skinnier than the new gf and "showing" up where she knew be to "show him what he's missing." Ummm, he knows what he's missing and he chose to leave it. Soooo, pick yourself up, bid him goodbye and move on to someone who deserves you. Ladies, let's have a little self-appreciation and respect. I been there, and I HATE WATCHING MY FELLOW SHUGS PLAY THEIR OWN FACES LIKE THIS.

Here's the kicker: Maybe he has some legitimate reason for being "the way he is"...he was abused, he doesn't know howwwwww to love, etc, etc, etc....may be true (probably not)....but THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S YOUR JOB TO FIX HIM!!! Why? Why? Why? Don't fall for it! 

*NEWSFLASH* This just in: The man of your dreams is not going to come along and pull you out of your bed of tissues and chocolate while you're worrying over some @rsehole. He also ain't gonna teach you to LOVE YOURSELF. You gotta do that on your own.

My advice (believe or not, some people ask me for it on purpose):

• Mentally decide you need to be over him first (You won't everrrrrrr get over him unless you actually believe that you are better off without him).
• PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! Noooooooooot for him to come back, or for y'all to get back together, but for God to help you see how to love yourself and to lead you to a godly man who is WORTH YOUR TIME & LOVE and who will actually RECIPROCATE! (imagine the possibilities...God made plennnnnty of amazing men, one is waiting for YOU!)
• cut off allllllllll contact! If he did something crappy to you as a boyfriend/fiance/husband...he prolly ain't gonna be worth a damn as a friend either. Let's be real. (An amicable break up may have some shot at a friendship...but this is a recipe for disaster b/c all too often, those feelings are "still there"). Change numbers, don't reply to emails, defriend him on FB, take down all those gross pics of y'all together, untag pics of y'all together (or of him) that friends have up, don't go where he is (plus, you'll look like a desperate idiot to him and his friends)
• Get rid of all the CRAP - adorable photos, cutesy gifts, sentimental junk - burn it, donate it, give it to kids to make crafts with, whatever...Get. Rid. Of. It. All. 
• "Reward" yourself...say, "I haven't called him/stalked his facebook/nagged my friends about him etc....in a week/month ... whatever...so now I'm gonna buy myself those jeans I've been wanting, or I'm gonna take a beach trip with my girls...whatever tickles your pickle. 
• DON'T RUSH INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP to help you forget the old guy...all you'll end up doing is comparing the two dudes which is so psycho and unfair to the new innocent victim. 
• Get some exercise (to make yourself feel better, not to run until you're skinny enough to be worthy of his love - DIS-EASEEEEEE) 
• Do fun things you always loved doing and some new things you'd like to try
• Reconnect with your old friends 
• Surround yourself with people who LOVE and RESPECT you (people who don't want to talk about "it")
• LOVE YOUUUUUUUU b/c no guy will until you do... ;)

Just the facts, as told by your fellow Shug Pie