Miracle Whip Ain't Mayonnaise & Other Facts of Life

 If you know me at all, you know that:

I love NC.

I love to eat.

Today is May 20th, what a coinky-dink! Happy Mecklenburg Declaration of Independence Day!!

So, today's post is about the great state of Nawth Cack and the way we prefer to fill our bellies - and the bits of variation that you'll find from one spot to the next. Perhaps I was inspired by last week's Pig' Pickin' post?  Especially with summer comin, and therefore, increased road trippin, I thought you should be aware of some of these just in case you'd like to try a lil somethin tasty along the way. This isn't however, a general "southern foods" post because - that would take years and be the longest post ever. I feel overwhelmed even entertaining the thought of it.

Here's some things I've found to be true:

{One}

 

Hot Dawg Toppins:

*chili (preferably soupy with small meaty deliciousness - thick, chunky chili is not typically used for hotdogs - but I'll eat it just the same ;) Oh, and PUHLEASE don't put beans in that mess. Yuckation! ) Much as you chili snobs may think it's TheNastiestThingEver.com, I always use good ole:

TX Pete is made in Winston-Salem, NC, not TX ;) I wonder if people in TX even heard of Texas Pete hot sauce or chili or anything else?

 And speakin' of Texas Pete - the hot sauce doesn't belong on the hot dog, but it sure is tasty on some fries to go with your hot dog. ;) 

Once, at church, we were servin hotdogs - and all the yankees were like:

1) "What is this?" I looked at them like What the deuce do it look like, playa? It's chili. Duh!

2) "You guys are always bragging about your Duke's mayonnaise, but I see that we're almost out of the Miracle Whip and there's plenty of Duke's left." 

My response: "That's cause we're on the fourth bottle of Duke's and that's only the first bottle of Miracle Whip. Yep. Enjoy your hotdog, Shug."

* All mentions of   "mayonnaise" from now on in this post mean DUKE'S. Otherwise, it's not actually mayonnaise - it's too sweet or cream like or whatev. Miracle Whip says "Salad Dressing" on the front. They really are different. Once, I asked Hazel (meemaw) what she puts in her slaw...she listed mayonnaise (which I obvi assumed to be Duke's duh) and "salad dressing". I'm like, Gross, like Ranch? .... No - she meant a dash of Miracle Whip because it says Salad Dressing on the bottle.

*Slaw (pay attention real close: Coleslaw) Now, let me help you with the pronunciation: Slaaaaawwwwww, not Slah. (Love you Cori!) And by slaw I mean mayonnaise-based slaw, NOT vinegar based, which can be served as a side dish - but I don't prefer it.

*Onions - just raw, cut up, straight up, yellow onions, frands.

*Any combination of the following: ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise

I will occasionally eat randoms from say, Sonic, like chili/cheese or hell, even sauerkraut. No Relish though. Relish is for potato salad and chicken salad (that'll be a different post).

Pickles? What the deuce, Sonic?! Naiiiisty!

I like hotdogs from Snoopy's , Chargrill , and Roast Grill in Raleigh. Stuart's and Cole's Pharmacy (mentioned before here) in Roxboro, and Zack's  in Charlotte. ;)

The Roast Grill

Snoopy's

{Two}

Tomato Biscuits: 

Me/Peidmont/Central NC - Biscuit + real butter + tomato + salt + pepper = the bomb diggity. You can only eat these in the summer with real, out-the-garden tomatoes and real ho-made biscuits. Otherwise, what a let down. However, if you don't have time to make real biscuits, the next best thing is Mary B's:

In addition to a "regular" tomato biscuit, sausage & tomato biscuits and Bojangle's Chicken Filet & Tomato is also friggin' amazing.

Move a tiny hair west - Denton, NC - lived there briefly growin up - (if you're ever passin' through - check out Rick's and if you go at the right time, The Old Threshers Reunion).

Tomato biscuit = biscuit + tomato + MAYONNAISE (dunno bout the salt n peppa). Seemed yuck to me, which is interesting because.....

{Three}

Tomato Sandwich: (these are reason enough to get out of bed in the summer)

Two pieces loaf bread (better on white) + garden red tomato + mayonnaise + salt + peppa = holy shiz, frands! Yummo! From what I've learned so far, I think all North Carolinians pretty much agree on how to make this. Love me a mayonnaise/tomato combo on loaf bread - biscuit, not so much. I don't eat mayonnaise on biscuits.

{Four}

Banana Sandwich:

Two pieces loaf bread (better on white) + banana slices (you can slice em in little circles - better or long strips - easier) + mayonnaise + salt  + peppa. (My Fuquay friends and some others may feel a little hesitant about the salt & peppa part, but I've always had 'em with.)

My stepdad is from Ohio and to him, Banana Sandwich = banana + peanut butter. I think that tastes yummy too. But it's a "Peanut Butter Banana sandwich, not a Banana Sandwich" Bless his heart. We have had to google some of the things he says that none of us understand - even him. Crime N Netley? What the deuuuce? Translation: Crime in Italy ;) Who'da thunk it?

{Five}

BBQ of course: slow roasted piggy and then the meat is chopped or pulled. I'm not gonna go east/west on you, because honestly, there are so many variations at this point, who knows? Just try to get some slaw, hushpuppies or plain white loaf bread to go with it. But here's my two cents:

1) vinegar - Ding! Ding! Ding! You are the winner! It's vinegar based but with a little peppery/sugary/spicy influence. Doesn't totally overwhelm the meat. (However, in my beloved "Terry's BBQ Sauce" there is ketchup added, but the sauce is very runny and it's still 99.9% vinegar. Love this stuff!)

• If you are ever in Roxboro, NC get a BBQ sandwich with slaw and mayonnaise from Stuart's. (Also featured in  Our State Magazine for their other tasty menu items.)

• If you are ever in Lexington, NC eat at Speedy's BBQ

• If you are ever in Shelby, NC stop in at  Bridge's BBQ 

• If you are ever in Raleigh, NC get you some BBQ from Ole Time Barbecue on Hillsborough St. (Catered our Weddin'. NO REGRETS!)

• If you want some BBQ in Charlotte, check out Mac's on South Blvd. (Highly recommend the amazing fully-loaded BLT too!)

2) tomato-tastic - I don't know exactly what this is, but when it's orange, that ain't good. Not a fan of this. Pasty-ness.

3) mustard (Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?) Sorry SC frands, I'm not in love with it. But - Anj is! To me, this is just pulled pork w/ some honey mustardy sauce drizzled over it.

PS - I texted two of my girls who moved to the Nawth Cack from elsewhere asking for their thoughts on NC food/drinks/things they've noticed since being here. Their replies were loaded with such fabulousness that I'm just going to have to write them out right here, word for word:

Cori - from Colorado:

Hell yeah - hushpuppies, grits, collards, slaw & chili on hamburgers/hotdogs, monkey bread, 7 layer cake, sweet potato pie, Cheerwine, sweet tea, moonshine, fried catfish, pig pickins, eastern NC BBQ, tomato sandwiches - if I think of anything else I'll let you know. It was like coming to a whole new world when I moved here! I have broadened my horizons and I'm glad I'm here!

Boeger - from Michigan:

Obviously sweet tea, pulled meat, animal nasties (tongues, livers, giblets, etc), collard greens, anything soaked in vinegar, grits, sweet potatoes, chewing tobacco or dip, and anything made by Utz (they from Hanover, PA - they must hate on MI?). Tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes. Sliced, pureed, squished into a juice, or in between two slices of bread. Nasty. (I told her that last bit there was blasphemous.) Dukes too and Carolina Treet BBQ sauce.

Carolina Treet DOES NOT belong on actual piggy BBQ - instead, it makes some bomb diggy BBQ chicken on the grill! It's from Wilmington. (Holla!) But don't worry, if you email them, they will be glad to send you some if it's not available in your area. ;)

I'm sure there are about a billion other things out there that you know you love to eat that I didn't mention here.

What do you think? Tell us some of your favorites and how you prefer to get yo grub on, frands! We need to know! (Even if you're not a North Carolina shugpie.)        

Epic Early 80s Pig Pickin' - a photostory

Bein the thoughtful person that I am - when I found this treasure, I knew - there was no way in the moon I could keep this to myself. 

Below, you will find a timeless classic.

A photostory of my granddaddy's annual pig pickins. Well - him and his frand Buck. Sadly, the pig pickins - they are no more. 

But, here is a walk down memory lane - and I HOPE WITH ALL I AM that one day, Anj & I can be the hosts of somethin just a tiny fragment as magical. The photos below simply ooze AWESOMENESS. Get ready for photo overload and bomb ass 80s western wear. I warned you - now go ahead, don't try to resist ...

Now, click your little faingah below to let Mr. Waylon Jennings give us the full effect:

Don't Even Look @ Me w/ that Tone!

Ever have those days where you just think too much? Like, you smile and everything's magical and you are Ms. Optimism, because you KNOW you have so much to be grateful for?

But then - some days - you just feel crabby. (Thanks Boeger - I love this word now - use it all the time). Like, if you think/act/be positive for 100 days, then you can have 1 whiny day? That's how I feel right this minute.

* If you are reading this, and you were hoping for some Susie Sunshine today. Sorry - I tied her up, stuffed a sock in her mouth and hid her in the closet. If this frightens you, kindly click the red X at the top right of the screen.

I did not want my blog to become a place to rant/feel sorry for myself/ complain/whine. After all - it clearly says in my "About Me" that I hate whiners. So today, I hate myself.

Today is one of those - I feel fat/gross. My face looks terrible. I need to squeeze my husband. Where the hell am I going to work next year? Why is everything hard and complicated? What am I going to do with my life? What is God trying to teach me right now? Uhhh - Patience/anger management/trust you are probably thinking. You are probably right. Maybe I suck at learning.


And dia-bee-tus, I got a bone to pick with you!: (In the form of a random rant/list)


Dear Sensor - you are so dang loud and noisy ALL THE TIME. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is it so friggin hard for my body to figure out and use the insulin I put into it? Is it not enough for you that I check my blood a million friggin times a day? And count every carbohydrate I put into my mouth? And monitor how many Diet Cokes I drink because I know that the dehydration will jack up my blood sugars? How about walking around looking like a freak of nature with shit plugged in all over my body? And beeping and buzzing and having RUDE INCONSIDERATE people stare like I CAN'T SEE THEM FRIGGIN STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

Furthermore, blood sugars, I AM SICK of you telling me when I can work out. When I can eat. I AM SICK of you NOT doing what you are supposed to do, when I am doing my damnedest to hold up my end of the deal! WHAT DO YOU FRIGGIN WANT FROM ME?!?!

Dear Pancreas - who peed in your Corn Flakes???? You are a spoiled brat! And here's what else - you are MOODY!!!!!! One day - you are doing just lovely. The next, my blood's like a roller coaster because YOU ARE A SLACKER WHO DOESN'T DO HER JOB! You SUCK! Do you hear me?  I AM SICK of doing everything you ask, and yet, you still crap on me! Pooh on YOU, dia-bee-tus. You have issues!

Next - I am sick of the uncertainty! I need Jesus to send me a text/email/call me ... letting me know how everything in my life is going to pan out. Because I AM NOT PATIENT. I suck! I thought I was patient. But, not patient enough. Doesn't Jesus know that I am a control-freak who always needs to know the plan?

Yes, He does. He wants me to learn that everything ain't about me and my plans, I suppose.

Where is all this madness coming from you ask? I have no idea. But I don't like it any better than you do. GO AWAY PISSY MOOD!

After re-reading what I've written, I want to delete all of this and go back into my positive-thinking-turtle-shell, but I won't.

Just because - it makes me feel better when I read that other people are having a hard day/life too. Then I know that I am not the only one.

If you think I'm nuts and need medication, send me an email. And I will delete it.

Meanwhile - in reality - I KNOW THAT 

{One}

GOD DOES KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING. 

{Two}

HE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME (OR ANY OF US) ANYTHING WE CAN'T HANDLE.

{Three}

HE DOESN'T WANT US TO LEAN ON OUR UNDERSTANDING - BUT TO TRUST HIM INSTEAD.

{Four}

If you pray for patience - HE WILL TEACH YOU PATIENCE, AND YOU PROLLY AIN'T GONNA LIKE THE LESSON PLAN.

{Five}

WHINING DOESN'T HELP

{Six}

HE'S ALWAYS WORKING, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT WHILE HE'S STILL IN THE PROCESS.

On a happier note - today is HUMP DAY.

I (and everyone around me) really hope this rip-the-head-off-a-kitten mood/outlook is gone SOON! 

To all of you crazies who love and put up with me anyway - I will keep praying for you too! 

Love, 

B

Gitcha boots onnn, girl frand

I'm gittin aintsy. 

I need a concert. A road trip. A tailgate. A bonfire. A great big ACE cookout. Sumthin.

Hello Shugs,

Let me apologize in advance, cause this here's another one of the *random* ones. I feel unsettled and antsy. I can't focus. I want to do fun, meaningless mindless things that are of no benefit to anyone except for my pure entertainment and enjoyment.

The warmer the weather gets, the worse it is. Maybe I need some medication for my randomness. For one, I found this really fun toy online that the rest of blog world has known about for about 15 years, where you can pretend to shop online, but never submit your credit card number (and never get the goods either - but the creative part is still fun).

I am thinkin, next time I am in SC where only a select few know me, I may wear the following out in public - perhaps to a baseball game, and walk around with a really strong jaw like Victoria Beckham, and leave my aviators on at all times and dare someone to look at me cross ways. What do y'all think?:

summer beef by shuginboots featuring metal aviator sunglasses

I'm already half way there. My vintage-y hell-raiser boots are black, and not brown. My CVS aviators HAVE MOST CERTAINLY NOT done me wrong. I definitely have a red/white striped tank (Go Pack!) all I'm really missing is the fringe for the shorts. I don't have bad legs - but I am frighteningly close to 30. I guess that would be teetering on inappropriate-in-public-ness. It's really not that wild - just too much leg. Why is it that your leg seems decently covered in shorts - but when you put a cowboy boot on WITH said short - you suddenly feel like a JEZebel? The shugs who tailgate at State didn't get the memo. I admit that I am a little jealous of their _____ (I couldn't think of a good word to put here). Again - not many people know me in SC. 

In other news - 

I think it would be selfish of me not to share this magic:

DE. Friggin. Lish.com/getchaSOME

Greek yogurt has double the protein of "regular" yogurt and it's texture is thicker and it makes your belly happy instead of provoking it and causin it to get really really angry with the tease of regular yogurt. (What -  y'all's stomachs don't do that?) It tastes like pineapple cake with cream cheese frostin. YUM-may, Y'all!

(PS - The Yoplait Pineapple upside-down cake - BARF!)

Also have been OBSESSED with the following:

I think Eric Church is pretty freekin hot in his aviators as well. How much fun would it be to tailgate and shoot the breeze with Eric Church, Blake Shelton, Jason Aldean and Jamey Johnson? (I can't think of any girls I'd invite except Miranda). 

Just imagine the photo opps and quotes of the night that could spring from a night with those hottie pies (and Miranda - and of course Anj because I am a one-man woman - and Ber would prolly wanna come too - and Boeger). My birthday's comin soon ... maybe we could all chip in??

Happy Monday - four more to go!

Sweet Dreams Shug Pies!

Love,
Beefy

Dear Mama ...

On this Mother's Day weekend, I just wanted to let you know ...

that as I get older, and start to think of havin babies of my own, I am more and more appreciative of my own wonderful mama, my meemaw, my dear sweet aunts, and really, all the ladies in my life who have loved, guided, supported and tolerated me at times when that mess won't easy! God has truly, truly blessed me.

How precious! Mama at her baby shower for me!

My childhood is filled with memories that I will always treasure. And, I am proud to come from the family that I do. While life's circumstances weren't always perfect, and we may not have always agreed on every detail, the love has always been there.

I love you Mama! I hope I am as good a mama to my babies one day as you have been to us!

So, today, I wanted to dedicate this one to my Mama and the other lovely ladies in my life who have been there for Beefy. Here are some of the things that I've learned from those fabulous women (I could never possibly capture everything ... and I'm sure there will be more things that I'll learn with each passing day):

_________________________________

Do the best you can with what you have and trust God's plan - cause His is ALWAYS better than yours.

Treat people how you'd want to be treated - not how you'd like to treat them - people you want to smack the fire out of usually have more to their story than you know about.

Nobody's perfect, and God only gives things to us that He knows we can handle.

Enjoy your naked youthful face as long as you can, because once you start wearin make up, you feel ugly without it.

You don't just marry the boy, you marry his family too - and vice versa - so choose wisely (Dear Davises - I totally don't have any regrets. ;)  )

Try to keep your arms toned and eat healthy and get exercise while you are young - everything gets more difficult physically as you age.

Raising kids isn't easy and there's no manual. Pray through all of it, and remember, they aren't really your kids - they are sweet blessings that God is trusting you to take care of when they first come into this world.

Don't turn your back on your girl friends - whether they are in a place that you don't approve of, or whether you've just taken up with the love of your life - make time for your friends - you will need those friends later, and good friends are few and far between.

If a boy ain't nice to his mama - one day, it'll be you that he ain't so nice to. (Learned this one from the boy's mama). ;)

Once a cheater - highly likely he's always a cheater. And likewise with most other things - YOU can't change a leopard's spots - like him the way he is when you marry him - he ain't gone change unless he wants to - you ain't gonna do it for him.

Put God first - then your marriage - then your kids.

Baby oil works nicely for getting a tan, and for making your legs appear very toned. ;)

Always be grateful for what you have - constantly comparing yourself to others will only make you feel like dammit. And everybody's got their cross to bear.

Respecting your husband and being grateful for all he does = happy husband = happy wife = happy life.

Don't ever show it all - leave something to the imagination.

Be kind to others - and all of God's creatures.

James was my first best friend. He followed me everywhere. Mama knew if James was gone and I was gone, then we were somewhere together. He would let me sit on him, feed him, and put bows in his hair. RIP precious James! xo

There's nothin like ridin around with the windows down on random back roads to clear your mind and help you make sound decisions.

Never say what you ain't gone do - cause you never know when you will be put to the test.

Beer (not alcohol in general) eases PMS symptoms/severe moods. So, have a couple - not 12.

You can't take care of the world when you ain't takin care of yourself.

If a black cat crosses your path, make three X's across the windshield to "undo the curse". (Boeger - not sure about lizards, sorry.) ;)

Big fluffy snow suits are cute on widdle toddlers - even if your boy toddler is wearin one made for a girl. 

Only a dog wants a bone - a man would rather have a woman who is happy with herself and loves life and loves to have fun and loves and takes care of him --- than a really hot, skinny witch. If he makes you feel like you ain't skinny, hot, tan, gorgeous enough - kick his arse to the curb.

YOU teach a man (and other people) how to treat you.

Sugar-coatin things for your friends, kids, whoever - doesn't do anything but prolong their pain. Be honest with people - especially when they ask for your advice. They will be so thankful in the long run.

There's no love on this earth like your mama's love. And, nobody - other than your husband - will love your kids one day as much as your mama.

Me and Hazel with Eric when he was brand new!

 If you don't give your husband the attention he needs - he'll find it somewhere else. *This is not to condone infidelity - but it is what it is, ladies. Plus - the Bible says to be snuggly with your husband - no excuses.

Do what you think is best for your kids and your family - pray about it - and don't let other people make you question your judgment.

Make a little time for you each day - and get a little done each day - life isn't about makin sure everything is spotless and 100% taken care of all the time. It is a simply unattainable goal.

Don't be wasteful - there's usually somethin else you can use it for, or somebody else who needs it.

There's always somebody worse off than you, so quit your pissin n moanin.

Children need and crave discipline. If you don't discipline while they are growin up - they will learn it a harder way later on down the road - one way or the other - and you will learn with them.

Always be kind to people and help out however you can - you never know what battles they are fighting or how one smile or kind word can brighten their day or help them to look at a situation differently.  

Not sure whattup with the mattress pad situation.

Let your kids be creative and be who they are. Support their dreams. It's not your job to mold them into what you want them to be. 

It is tacky to bitch at your mate/husband - you will be "that woman" that everybody hates to see show up to the party.

Remind people that you love them and that they are appreciated.

Spend money wisely.

Caffeine is bad for your skin and makes PMS 123,876,345,557 times worse.

Never teach your child to feel sorry for him/herself - you will be surprised what a child can achieve with your support and encouragement. Mama - thank you for NEVER teaching me that I was different or handicapped in some way because I was diabetic, and for still having the same standards and dreams for me as any other kid.

Structure is very important. We were usually on a tight schedule - and had clear boundaries - this has helped me immensely in life, taught me discipline, time management, and made me much more able to care for my diabetes as well.

You never get too old to stop needin Mama.

Never question God's plans - just cause you don't see your prayers answered right.this.second. doesn't mean He ain't workin on it, and got it totally under control.

Always make sure your babies know how much their mama loves em. (One way you can show them is by keeping the size of the bows in their heads reasonable. Thanks!)

There will come a time when your kids think you are the biggest idiot ever made and they will hurt you and make you feel like you've never done anything right. (Sorry Mama/Hazel).

Be careful bout the bed you make - cause YOU KNOW you gone have to lay in it.

Always make birthdays and Christmas special. Family traditions are important and a legacy that you leave for your kids.

Leaving hair color on longer in hopes of achieving a darker color = purple hair.

Food coloring in your hair for Halloween .... is semi-permanent.

Don't beat on your little brother - because he will grow up to be 6'2" when you are only 5'6" and he will also have bigger muscles.

Oops! Please ignore tape residue at the bottom of the photo.

Let your kids suffer consequences when they disobey - they will learn much more quickly this way.

Be who you are up front - being fake will catch up with you when the real you just has to come out - and usually, everybody involved loses.

Make sure all passengers who have a tendency for car sickness are seated up front when MY mama T.C. Turbo is drivin.

Spend time with kids as much as you can while they are little - they will appreciate it - and it just doesn't work that way when they get older.

Up to $150 in change can be found swimming randomly in Hazel's pocketbook at any given time.

Buy clothes that fit. Trying to stay in your 5 years ago jeans when they are too little makes you look FATTER.

A little clear nail polish makes your hands look prettier when you are goin somewhere special and you are in a hurry.

Be grateful for good sleep while you can get it. Don't waste it.

Always be there for people in times of devastation and need - being remembered for that is more important than your job or most everything else on your schedule.

Red birds (aka Cardinals ;) ) are a sign of good luck. :)

Never ever ever let your kid sleep with you. It will be so hard to get them to stop. Sorry Mama. :)

Your kids never get too old for birthday whoopins. Although - they may try to resist. :)

The best Halloween costumes are homemade. 

Cutest widdle farmer ever.

 And...

How precious is this?!?

 Mama, I will never know how hard it really is to be a mama until I have kids of my own, but as I get older, I appreciate more and more everything that you've sacrificed for me and for our family over the years and still do today! Thanks for teaching me that life is not about stuff, or about circumstances, but about loving and caring for the people who are with you on the ride.

I will always cherish the memories I've shared and the lessons I've learned over the years ... I hope I can be a magical mama to my young-uns as well one day.

Muahh!!!

Happy Mother's Day to my mama and to my meemaw and to my aunts and all the mamas and care-givers out there!!!