dear middle-of-the-night-low-blood-sugars

you suck.

as much as i love orange juice,
i love my sleep more.

seriously.

if y'all missed it, i am afflicted with the type 1 diabeetus.
most of the time, i deal.
but what sucks is the middle-of-the-night-lows.
usually i have whack ass dreams that i am eating gross shit when i'm low in my sleep - like sweaty cheese that's been on a platter too long, or slushies that taste like what i imagine slop to taste like.
woof.
seriously, haven't had a slushie or any kind of icy treat in years because of said dream.

when my blood sugar drops below 60ish in my sleep ...

1) i wake up knowin' that if i don't hurry up and get some carbs i am goin' to black the eff out for maybe forever, but my bed is still super comfy and i don't want to get out
2) i worry i may fall down the steps
3) i am now hungry because i am awake
4) i know that i'm bout to take another eternity to fall back asleep, and when i do, weird ass dreams are sure to follow.

but - since i don't want to go into a coma,
i get up.
and drag myself down the stairs to the kitchen.

sometimes, i am so low that it feels like the house is about 110 degrees. this makes me panic, because i know that is just how low i actually am. so i drink faster. and way too much. and i shovel in truckloads of peanuts at the same time.

God, i love me some salty peanuts with some orange juice.

so, even though it only takes about 25g of carbs to correct this madness, i end up consuming like 70g of carbs. and about 300 calories that i didn't need. and however many grams of fat from the damn peanuts.
 because, like i said, when i am deliriously low, i am also ravenous.

in my mind, i know that i don't need that many carbs. but still, you know, the panic.

and this is why i have love handles.

well, this and the red bridge.

and the ranch.

and the fries.

at least i wake up though.
because anj pie sho as hell ain't goin' to, bless his heart. i mean, he thinks he will. he responds when i yell, "ANJ! I NEED SOME JUICE!"
anj: okay.
* rolls over and keeps on snorin'*

but, to fix that, i sat me one of those ring-bell-for-service bells on my nightstand, just for those nights when i seriously feel like i might not make it down the steps in one piece.
i promised to only use it during emergencies.
i don't wanna be the girl who cried wolf, you know.

y'all, i'm sick of thinkin

i mean, honestly, i hate it.

but, i have a really hard time turning it off.

i am tired of thinking about:

what my blood sugar is right now.

is it on the way up?

is it on the way down?

i took insulin an hour ago and still haven't eaten anything because the insulin hasn't kicked in yet - why?

what day of "the month" is it?

am i ovulating?

if i did ovulate, where did the egg go?

should i have had that caffeine?

should i have had that beer?

why are all these things such a big deal now, when back in the day people did these things, not even knowing they were bad, and we seem to have more mental, emotional, and developmental problems in children now?

how do people accidentally get pregnant?

is my analyzation more stressful than caffeine and alcohol?

how come the curl in my hair came back and then left again?

why do some become obsessed with church and then start judging people even more than before they knew as much about Jesus?

how come i used to want to blog all the time, and now, not so much?

do i miss teaching? mehh.

what is going to happen to nita nikon in the long run?

should i trust those people in new york who have her?

why do people choose to spend almost every day of the week with someone who drives them nuts and causes them to cuss?

how come people who can't even stand to be alone with their kids have them, and i don't?

why do i whine so much?

how do other people keep on keepin' on when shit gets hard?

why do i cry every time i go to church (and have done so for years)?

how can people pansy ass pussies be mean to animals? 

why do people like/hate someone because they are or are not a specified race, when in fact, they are biracial?

and on that note, why do people only focus on the details that support their argument, and ignore all the ones that don't?

why do people randomly use apostrophes, like they are optional, or just for decoration?

why do i enjoy ignoring capital letters?

why doesn't my pump have an alarm to let me know when it's completely out of insulin?

some people - men especially, it seems, have the ability to just stop thinking.

i would love to be like that.

it's what God says we should do. 

stop analyzing, and instead pray and trust.

i am a lot better than i used to be.

do you analyze?

did you find a cure for it?

how did you turn it off?

wanna see somethin gross?

check it: 

that'd be my CGM or sensor. i do a pretty good job of checking my blood sugars frequently throughout the day to "catch" it before it's too low or too high. however, sometimes it be doin' crazy shit in my sleep. i woke up this morning and it was 271. no bueno. as a result, i felt nauseous and just icky. the sensor annoys me because it is very finicky, and has to be calibrated when your sugar is mostly stable or it won't work properly. this is funny because the whole point of wearing the sensor is that your shit is not stable. 

it also gets slingshotted into your flesh with a POP! and a long ass needle. and if you're me, it bleeds through the little hole {over there on the right}. every. single. time.

good stuff.

but - it helps me get my shit under control, so i will take it.

i made this jazz for hubs yesterday.

thanks pinterest, and boeger.

hubs made us an awesome salmon veggie bake with rice.

then we hit up mickey deez for a hot fudge sundae with nuts.

i've never really been a girl who likes dressing up and going out and spending our money on fancy food on vday. but, i do love a heartfelt surprise and to know how much i mean to hubs. he is so good to me each and every day.

hope y'all's vday was magical and whatever you wanted it to be. 

i leave you with this awesomeness for your friday.

thanks kim and facebook for sharing.

happy friday, lumps

{psa - from now on, if i say 'lumps', it's just my lazy version of 'sugarlumps' ... lazy is the name of my game}

ps - the buttons from button swaps are coming down over the weekend.

again, no hard feelings, but i'm just not up for the "marketing" side of blogging.

again, say it with me, LAY-zee.

what's in YO bag?

first of all, thank y'all all so much for your sweet comments on hubs' "guest post" yesterday.

i was so happy that he agreed to do it, and i'm glad y'all liked it. 

now, let's see y'all get y'all's hubs in on the action. i'm ready to read all about it!

now, for the point of this post ...

i was gonna lie to y'all and say i'm posting this because i can't think of anything else.

but the truth is, i freakin' love these "what's in your bag" posts. love. them.
i can't even remember the first one i saw, but i saw this one and this one lately, and i felt inspired all over again.

i used to be the diaper-bag-sized-purse-need-a-chiropractor chick, but then hubs suggested i "quit buyin' purses from target every other month and get a 'real' one instead.

wooooooorrrrrrrrrrd.

so, i got my lil michael down there, and i love him and he loves me.

since i got him, i've been much better about keepin' junk outta there and cleanin' it out on the reg.

so, let's dive in shall we?

turns out i had more shiz in there than i realized.
whatever, i'm better than i used to be.
_________________________________

1 // meter to check the blood sugars. whattup, diabeetus?

2 // wallet
{nope, it's not a hobo. what gave it away? the janky shreds of thread around the zipper?}
i still love the hell out of this wallet. it's nine west, and it's like 5 years old.
was $35 when i got it. good luck, tried to find a link, couldn't. lo siento
did y'all know they put your weight on your license in SC?
ummm, WHAT the deuce? 
people LIE. annnd, not likely to stay the same weight for 10 years, right? shit, i wish.

3 // receipt & business card of dude who is caring for Nita Nikon, bless her mechanical heart

4 // tamponuggets
{not sure why there are two carrying cases. better safe than sorry?}

5 // folic acid anyone?

6 //well, hey, tissues! where y'all been hidin?

7 // hoop earrings I been lookin' for, fo weeks

8 // diabeetus low-blood-sugar treats

9 // hand sanitizer, because the world is a funky place, y'all!

10 // lip stuff

{1} {2} {3} {4} {5}

11 // gum & oil blotting sheets

12 // cranberry tablets because one UTI was enough for this chick. thanks, surgery.

oh, and my keys. because i know y'all really give a shit what my keys look like, so here:

had this been my meemaw's purse, we could've found at least enough change for lunch, a car wash, and shit-tons of diet mt. dew.
no such luck.
_________________________________

and, just for fun, look at my mama & meemaw on facebook, talkin' bout some alabama in the 80's

i mean, the. bomb. y'all!

some days you just feel defeated

and today is one of those for me.

i try to stay positive with this stupid diabetes, i really do.
but sometimes, i just want to punch it in the throat.

i am so sick and effing tired of guessing what my body is doing.
constantly fluctuating blood sugars.
data. data. data.
coming up with a "plan" for this shit is like trying to catch puddin with a net.
{that's not a "saying", it really is how i feel with trying to control this shit}

i'm ready to say f*** it.

you fix one leak, and you have another one.
DAMN YOU.

and i will shut up now because i know i am very blessed.
it's not perfect, but it's come a long way.
and there are so many others with struggles greater than my own.

if you are someone who gets your pray on, i could use some.
i'm just tired.
tired of analyzing.
tired of checking blood sugars obsessively.
tired of reporting shit to my doctor and not understanding the full picture.

okay, i'm done, now.
thanks for listening, y'all.

i will end with a totally unrelated funny:

Source: littlewhitelion.com via Beth on Pinterest

happy monday.

P & P

In all seriousness, this has CHANGED MY LIFE.

Produce and Protein.

**** This post is lengthy, but I'm telling y'all, this dietary change has helped me to be fuller, feel better, and have MUCH more stable blood sugars. {Beneficial to the endocrine system of non-diabetics as well.} ****

 

Now, let me be clear:  I am not a nutritionist.

I am not an endocrinologist.

But, here's what I am: a diabetic who's been fighting with carbs her whole life and spent countless hours trying to understand how my body deals with them.  

More specifically,

1) CARBS ARE NOT BAD, but some of them are worse than others regarding how our body breaks them down and how our endocrine system handles them.

2) MOST OF US EAT WAY TOO MANY. 

Per my acupuncturist's suggestion, I started eating protein frequently (every 2 hours) and limiting carbs to primarily fruit, vegetables and carb-containing dairy, which also contains protein (organic milk and greek yogurt, for example). 

All other non-produce carbs {grains} are eaten maybe 3 times a week.


I hardly ever eat straight sugar (candy, regular soft drinks, cake, pie, etc)

The result of limiting "non-produce carbs" and eating more protein and produce instead? 

* I am not starving around the clock.

* My blood sugars are A.MAZ.ING. (I still battle monthly fluctuations presumably due to my cycle, but the "effects" of meals on my blood sugar have been much, much milder.)

* I feel full, but not stuffed before I quit eating. Food seems more like fuel now than something that is constantly on my mind (because I always felt hungry before).

* It has also become blatantly obvious to me how much "junk carbs" were making me have cravings for more junk.

For one thing, the "traditional" food pyramid we all grew up with, in my experience, is horse shit. Unless you are a serious athlete, who burns tons of extra calories a day, nobody needs that much grain/bread/rice. Again, these carbs aren't awful, but we don't need that many in a day.


Let's not forget, America is awesome, but sometimes the goverment is not the brightest. And who knows what their motives are when creating these nutrional guidelines.
Anyone remember butter being a food group?

 source


Uncle Sam has come up with My Plate, which is an improvement, nonetheless, over the Food Pyramid I grew up with.

By the way, there are studies supporting the fact that neither low carb nor low fat are ways to keep weight off (if that is your goal). The most effective is the low glycemic index diet.

So, basically, here's what I do and what has worked for me and the diabeetus ...

* meals usually have < 30g carbs total (overall, I rarely go over 100g carbs per day)

* I don't ever eat any carbs without having some type of protein as well.

I try to eat these the most:

* garden products (fruits, veggies)

* tree products (nuts, fruits)

* fish

* lean meat 

* eggs

* protein-heavy dairy (milk, cheese, yogurt) 

* beans heavy in protein/fiber

If I'm hungry between meals I eat protein to tide me over:

* eggs

* lean meat

* nuts

*cheese

* sometimes Greek yogurt 

* peanut butter

I eat "anything else foods" maybe 3x/week:

frozen yogurt

sweets

bread/rice/pasta

* note: bread/rice/pasta isn't "bad", but being diabetic, they aren't "worth" the sugar spike. I'd rather have fruit, which affects my diabetes less.

My personal, main reason for doing this is the positive effect on my hunger and diabetes regulation.

Why it matters:

I can eat the same amount of carbs - 30 g - of  "non-produce carbs" (pancakes, biscuits, fries, fried food, potatoes and gravy) and my blood sugar spikes and stays high for 2-3 hours afterward, no.matter.what.i.do.to.my.insulin.before.or.after. as to where eating "produce carbs" like fruit, with the SAME AMOUNT OF CARBS, has virtually no spike on my blood sugars.

Life. changing. I'm tellin you.

Of course, sometimes I "cheat" and eat fries (carb + fat). But - I pay the consequence of a blood sugar spike, and I'm hungry not even 2 hours later. 

Also important:

I don't deprive - for example, I love bacon, so I'll use it to sprinkle on a salad, or eat two thin slices with some eggs. 

I also don't avoid fat. I actually don't think about fat at all except try to eat healthy fats like avocado, olive oil, fish, nuts. 

If I want a meal that is going to go over my 30g I allow myself, I go half and half: a sandwich with one slice of bread instead of two, and a small serving of fruit. Then, I can have both. Maybe I want stir fry. So, I eat it, but it's 85% meat/veggies and only 15% rice. Spaghetti? 85% sauce (made with meat for protein) and 15% noodles, and I'm still full, and my blood's not high as hell. Win-win.

Tips:

If you like hummus, it's easy to make at home, and you can dip it with cucumbers, carrots, bell peppers, instead of pita bread or chips to get more produce, and less "non-produce carbs". Beans are usually good for protein and fiber, and although they are carbs, they are "produce" and have a bigger variety of nutrition to offer than bread/rice/pasta. There are also zillions of hummus recipes so that you can tweak the flavor - lemon basil, spicy, etc.

Going out to eat: I often order salads, because I like them, but I also do a lot of "sandwich/burger without the bun" because the meat (protein) and flavor is still there. The bread a) has gluten, which I don't eat, but it's also b) carbs that aren't very fulfilling. Sometimes I order it with the bun just so I have an easy way to hold the sandwich if I don't want to use a fork, but I eat around the bread, pulling it off as I go. Also, ordering a meat dish (parmesan chicken, steak, etc with a side salad, or veggies instead of fries).

** Also - if you are a diabetic reader, a couple things that have also helped a HUGE AMOUNT:

1) I bolus 20-30 mins. ahead, and eat no more than 30g of {preferably produce} carbs in a meal and I hardly have a spike in sugar at all. 

2) I try not to eat until my blood sugar is in target range, at like 100. In other words, if my blood were say, 210, I'd correct that, plus the insulin for the food I'm gonna eat, but give it time to come down, and not actually eat until my sugar is about 100. A lot of times I'm so hungry while I wait for my blood to go down, so I'll have a carb-free/very low carb protein, like cheese, or some slices of turkey, or some nuts.

FOR YEARS - I ACCEPTED that my blood sugar had to spike every time I ate. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!

WORKS. WONDERS!

Hopefully, someone will find this helpful. I know I've spent YEARS trying to figure out WTH the deal was with my body freaking out about some foods and not others and this is the closest I've come to diabetes making sense. And, I've NEVER known what it was like to not be hungry all the damn time until now.

good luck! please don't hesitate to holla!

Note: post has been updated to link up with Kristen and Raven:

wanna go to the pool?

i love the smell of chlorine and sunscreen. the sight of bright colored pool bags. those floaties that babies wear. a toddler strollin in wearin his eye goggles, totin his new noodle.

i think i must've spent about 40% of my childhood at the pool.

when i was really young, i would go with my meemaw to the pool. i had the floaties. i didn't know how to swim yet. climbing to the top of the water slide {extra magical because it had a waterline which kept the slide slick all the time} was a huge adrenaline rush for me. sometimes, i'd get to go to the deep end with my aunt or when my meemaw would get in. hours and hours of inhaling, drinking, coughing up highly chlorinated water. holy sweetness. complete with blood shot eyes. who needs goggles anyway? and the lifeguard's whistle blow. "Clear the pooool." what a buzz kill.

there are a couple of childhood bathing suits that i remember most fondly. i had a blue and white tie-dyed one piece that i wore until i was too tall for it. and a bikini - top was blue and white stars and bottom was red and white stripes. it was my birthday bathing suit. loved them both.

in middle school, the pool became THE social hangout - and place of utter mortification, almost daily. i am the oldest of four, and my mom would haul us all to the pool in the gray dodge caravan because we were wild as hell and it was a great way to tire us out.  my siblings were all in elementary school, and i was in middle school and we were the new kids in town. awesome. oh, and my chest was flatter than a fritter while it seemed like every chick at the pool was built like a brick shit house. not cool.

it was like a day-long affair - tons of chips, sandwiches, and those quaker chocolate chip granola bars, diet drinks, juices. my brothers would NEVER tire of diving for sticks and wearing goggles to chase each other around under water for dayyyyssss. i had my magazines and tanning oil, praying for God to make me invisible.

but - sometimes i'd go with my friends, sans siblings {y'all know i love y'all}, and it became a gossip fest with my friends, and more analyzation of how other chicks were built like they were 17 when we looked like 5th graders. there was an art to prancing around the pool with your shorts pulled up, but unbuttoned, and flipped down while you walked to buy a drink or something. {wth?} and everybody had those adidas flip flops with the blue and white stripes.

hubs and i pooled it up recently, and i swear, it seems like i get hotter sittin out there a hell of a lot faster than i used to. and there was no music. whaaaaaat? i had some mags, and my sunglasses, and my sunscreen, and my baby oil ... and a lot more lovin' than i did back in the day. {part of it did make it to my boobs, thankfully.} some other new additions include a pump site, and a sensor site. hotness, brought to you by diabeetus.

i REALLY want a one piece. not a i'm-fat-and-don't-care-enough-to-lose-weight kinda way, but in a i-don't-want-to-be-stared-at-by-children-and-rude-adults-alike-because-of-my-medical-shiz kinda way.

knah mean?

i'm on the hunt. suggestions? websites?

pinterest it is ... fingers crossed.

Diabetes - day to day

I've been diabetic for over 23 years. I have been blessed to not have any complications. I have only passed out from a low blood sugar once. I've never been hospitalized since being diagnosed.  I'm not on any meds or treatments for anything else diabetes related (except not eating gluten - there is research that there is a correlation between gluten intolerance/Celiac's Disease and Type I's).

GOD IS GOOD.

But, it is very trying. I hate when things don't make sense. And for me, I check blood sugars up to ten times a day. I have an insulin pump. And a continuous blood glucose monitor. These pieces of technology are miraculous. But they are not perfect. They are not cure-alls. My blood sugars do not stay the same for more than four days at a time. I am a control freak. And this pisses me the eff off.

I don't intend for this to be a venting post. Rather, it will be a "here's my diabetes story and where I am now, wanna chat?" post. But, if it does sound like venting, well, it is what it is. From following various blogs, facebook pages, reading various articles, online forums, I have learned one thing: All diabetics are different. And what works for one might not work for all. Or anyone else, for that matter. But, it sure helps to hear some happy.

Fair warning - I am about to discuss how being female makes this disease IMPOSSIBLE. (For me, anyway). Well, not impossible. I am grateful to be alive and in the good shape that I am in, considering. But, it is a constant curve ball, fo sho.

After months of chaos and inconsistency, I started taking note in my calendar each month on which days I would see severe (seemingly random) SPIKES in blood sugar (after a week of being near perfection). Many women have fluctuations in sugars around ovulation and the time of their period. These spikes would go on for several days. (You look for patterns over the course of several days before making changes to your insulin regimen or your pump's rates.) So, of course, after seeing said patterns for several days in a row, I change them. PSYCH!

My body is saying,

"I was just kidding. I only wanted to be high as hell for about four days. Since you've adjusted all your rates up, I am over this shiz, and would like to bottom out all the time. While you are working. While you are driving. While you are sleeping. While you are in meetings. And, since you have this handy sensor that you thought was going to make everything all magical, I will show you who's boss by forcing the sensor to holler all day and night and drive you out of your ever loving mind."

(Really, my body says these things to me.)

Soooo.... after months of taking notes on a calendar, I saw no patterns really. Maybe two months would look the same, and the third and fourth month would be something different. Well, great. My shit's different every friggin month. Fabulous.

So, my most recent thing is:

1) I don't eat more than 15g of carbs at breakfast because my blood has been spiking like hell after breakfast.

2) I try to eat between 30 and 40g at lunch, supper, and at a bedtime snack.

3) Any "in between" meals are pretty much nuts, cheese, or pork skins (carbLESS! yay!!!)

4) I have started to keep a "diabeetus journal" ...

the notes about spiking and dropping on the calendar weren't giving me enough information. In the journal, I write what changes I make to my rates, why, what happened, etc ... EVERY day.

 

Thanks to Medtronic and modern technology, I can upload all the data shared between my sensor (continuous blood glucose monitoring), my pump (actually delivers the insulin) and my meter (checks my blood sugar, and sends the reading to my pump). Typically, an endocrinologist could look at your data for the past several weeks, and make suggestions, like, "Increase your lunch time bolus from x to y." Or, "let's decrease your midnight basal from x to y." Or, "When you see two up arrows, do the correction that the pump suggests plus an additional 10%."

But, lately, my sugars have been so random that she can't make any decisions because she isn't seeing enough of a pattern. So, hopefully my new carb and scheduling rules will help.

At 28 years old, I am realizing, truly realizing - for the first time what an emotional disease diabetes is. I am starting to wonder too, if a lot of these sporadic, inconsistent sugars are coming from stress ...

If you are a diabetic who's reading, I'd love to hear from you. What sites do you find helpful? What is working for you?

Diabetes Advice: Maybe stop eating around the clock ... ?

Haha.

This is what my endocrinologist said to me at my last appointment regarding my sugars going up and down and round and round. Maybe she worded it a little differently. But - I LOVE to eat. And I feel hungry ALL THE TIME. Or, at least every 2.5 hours. So, I tend to snack all day, rather than eating a massive amount at once. {Althoughhh, sometimes I do both. :( } This is the first time I've uploaded sugars for her to look at, and it's such a whack mess that she's like, "Ummmm."

So, recently, (ignoring this weekend - yikes!) I've been trying to eat 3 solid meals a day  - and one (carb-containing snack) at close to the same times everyday. Each "feeding time" will be approximately 35-40 carbs, and low fat. This will help to hopefully see clear patterns and remove the guesswork from eating at all odd hours of the day - different amounts of carbs - fat here, no fat there, blah, blah, blah. 

If you are a diabetic and reading this, please hear me: eating fat + carbs together (like my beloved french fries/tater tots/hashbrowns) = havoc. I love em, but they jack my sugars up. Then I feel less in control. Which leads to pissed-off-ness. No bueno. Also, I think, being diabetic, I SEE the extra work it is on your body to process crap like fries and burgers. So, non-diabetic peeps' bodies are struggling to deal with foods like that too, they just don't have data via blood sugar uploads that I do. So much easier for the liver and pancreas to deal with low fat, lower carbs at a time. I can say, even though diabetes annoys the crap out of me, it does force me to treat my body better than I probably would if I weren't diabetic.

Anyway, this new plan means I HAVE BEEN HAWNGRY. 

So, to "cope", I allow extra snacks, but they gots to be fatty and proteiny and really low carb. (Keep me full, but the super low carb snacking between meals means no spikes in blood sugar.)

Enter my BFFs : Cheddar + Peanuts ( + Caffeine Free Diet Coke)

But - it is helping! Sugars are flatter than they were. We no likey the roller coaster effect. IMPOSSIBLE to figure out. 

My endo. always takes notes on the computer during our visit, about any and everything, including just general concerns, conversation we have. So, I jokingly said to her that she should type, "Patient is neurotic perfectionist." But, she said she wouldn't since that applies to her as well. Because, accepting that sugars will never be perfect is part of the treatment.

Happy Monday!

PS - Did y'all know they are trying to get a Diabetic Barbie on the market?!? Do y'all remember my post about all the shiz that would come with a Diabeetus Barbie?

Eff you, diabeetus. Thanks for comin out.

As I sit here trying to type through the blur of my tears, I don't know if I will publish this one or not. Usually, I'm pretty good, I block out statistics, like the fact that diabetes kills more people a year than breast cancer and AIDS combined. Or that 2 out of 3 diabetics will die from heart disease or stroke. I try not to think too hard when I read posts like this, where the reality hits that diabetics have more miscarriages, and still births. And the cost of "living" with this shit? Ha. All week, I've been waking up to treat yet another low, and I can't go back to sleep because I can't stop thinking about whether my doctor can convince my insurance company to pay for my damn strips. And if she can convince them, how fast? Because I only have 3 bottles left. Panic. BECAUSE THEY THINK I CHECK MY BLOOD TOO OFTEN! I could strangle someone! PS - Obama, so far your magical little plan ain't done very much for me, shug. But I know you're not worried because you make 6 figures a year and don't have these concerns.

But wait - I try to be optimistic. I try to keep telling myself, "it" won't happen to me, because I try. "It" being dying early, not having a healthy pregnancy, or kids at all, or having my husband monitor me 24-7 like an invalid because I can't tell anymore if my blood sugar is low or not, feeling like I'm 75 when I'm 50. Or maybe I won't be able to see, or maybe I'll be missing a leg, or have kidney failure. SCREW YOU DIABETES!! I try hard everyday. I AM A SLAVE TO THIS SHIT. I am not a whiner. And I do the best I can. I have "good control" compared to others. But, I don't do well with being "compared to others". What pisses me off is when I do everything I am supposed to do, and the diabetes cheats. It doesn't hold up its end of the deal. What did I ever do to you, diabeetus? You whore.

So yes, every once in a while, diabetes wins. I can't take one more stressful thought or feeling of not being in control and not being "normal". If I could just have ONE FRIGGIN DAY where I could eat what I want, when I want, and not hear the nagging beeping of being out of control, and thereby thinking about the damage it's doing to my organs. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! And a cure? I wish they would just STFU. They've been saying a cure is right around the corner AT LEAST since 1988. Bullshit. Bite me. And guess what? When they do come up with a cure? HOW MUCH WILL THAT COST? My guess is insurance companies will be reluctant to cover it until it's been out for 10 years. Super.

I was going to go for a walk to ease my stress, because feeling like this CAUSES MY BLOOD SUGARS TO BE OUT OF BALANCE. Even more so depending on what flippin time of the month it is - yay! And - whether or not I eat gluten to eff things up even more, but we won't go there today. Anywayyyyy ... the walk - can't go yet because MY BLOOD IS TOO DAMN LOW. I have to wait. And wait. And wait.

Rant over.

For now. Hopefully the next one won't hit anytime soon. Please say a prayer. Thanks to all who love and support me and listen to me bitch. :/

Hey (diabetic) Girl, What's Yo #?

A1c, that is - down from 6.8 in September. A1c that I been workin toward for a year and a half. Man, it feels good to be a gangsta.

 After a diabetes diagnosis, the A1C test is used to monitor your diabetes treatment plan. Since the A1C test measures your average blood sugar level for the past two to three months instead of your blood sugar level at a point in time, it is a better reflection of how well your diabetes treatment plan is working overall.

A1C level	Average blood sugar level
5 percent	80 mg/dL (4.4 mmol/L)
6 percent	120 mg/dL (6.7 mmol/L)
7 percent	150 mg/dL (8.3 mmol/L)
8 percent	180 mg/dL (10 mmol/L)
9 percent	210 mg/dL (11.7 mmol/L)
10 percent	240 mg/dL (13.3 mmol/L)
11 percent	270 mg/dL (15 mmol/L)
12 percent	300 mg/dL (16.7 mmol/L)
13 percent	333 mg/dL (18.5 mmol/L)
14 percent	360 mg/dL (20 mmol/L)

 (A person without diabetes is typically between 4.5 and 6 %.)
Thank you Mayo Clinic for that overview.

So, the fact that mine is 6.4 makes me pretty dang thrilled.

Take that, diabeetus, YOU HUSSY!

We can always count on Pinterest for a good image, can't we?

New goals:

1) Achieve "true" A1c of 6.4, not just a bunch of lows, and a bunch of highs that average out to a 6.4, but a nice, flat 6.4. forever the perfectionist

2) Avoid spikes when eating fatty meals by using dual wave feature, taking 25% of insulin up front, and 75% about 3 hours later.

3) Make healthier food choices (like, not bacon, tons of cheese, beef, hashbrowns and fries ... oops)
4) Try really hard to bolus (take insulin) 20 minutes ahead of a meal when possible.

5) Don't make constant rate changes myself - upload sugars every 2-3 weeks and let my endocrinologist make changes instead. After all, she is trained for this, and it's why I pay her.

It so rocks when hard work pays off. Yay. Yay. Yayville!

What a fab way to kick off my Christmas break!
Thank you, Jesus!

Not enough caffeine to think of a post title, sorry

Dear SIB readers,

I am so sorry I have neglected you. See, what had happened was I woke up one day and it was December, and I have so many meetings, and gifts to buy and multiple trees to decorate and so many miles to drive. Can you forgive me? What day is this? The 4th?

What's on the list: 

4 birthdays

3 meetings to plan for

1 tree down

1 tree to go

1 apartment to go

15 gifts

1 wedding and gift

2 doctor's appointments
evaluations
5 Christmas get togethers
reorder diabetes ish on new health insurance (I wish I could pay someone full time to just DEAL with this for me)
keep blood sugars stable during all this stress

1 redbridge before the end of this post

If you are reading this, bless you. This is what happens when my brain is too full, and I have driven all over the state. Again. 

I may or may not have driven to the McDonald's drive thru this morning in my pajamas and LL Bean's - straight out of the bed with not so much as a hair brushin or tooth brushin. I may or may not have had a passenger wearing a flannel granny gown. Sad - I didn't care. And, I had to have a cup of coffee to get that done.

But it was fun. 

Tomorrow will definititely (I can't spell) be a Starbuck's morning. Which reminds me - I need to write a thank you note, before I forget. I won't tell you the last time I shaved my legs.

I need to sit down. With my planner and write things in it. I need to get to work at 5:30 am. I don't want to think about it anymore. 

New list:

Things to look forward to:

1) CHRISTMAS

2) finding out my most recent a1c that I been workin my donk off for

3) almost 1 full month off with my husband

4) a new Mary Kay Andrews book

5) fun new camera

6) sleep when Christmas arrives

I'm tired again. 

I will try to work in a decent blog post this week. 

Here's some randoms in the meantime:

I kinda wanted to lie and make you think this was my tree that I so beautifully decorated, but sadly, it is not.







But - tonight is ...

Fo serious.

Just a few more weeks ...

23 Year Diabetes Anniversary Post - an epic

Well, friends, I was reading this post over at Delighted Momma (fellow Type 1 - say WORD!) ... and I realized, I've never really reflected on the experience of being diagnosed and really thought outside of my own world how life/I was different as a kid (and now), living with our friend, Type 1 Dia-bee-tus. So, here it is:

First, Type 1 and Type 2 are NOT the same:

Next, let's all take a moment to thank this doofus for encouraging the world to say DIA-BEE-TUS. WTH?!?

Finally movin on, I emailed my mama for a lil help on this post because my memories of diagnosis are limited as I was only five.

Hey,

I think I'm gonna write a post about my diabetes soon. Couple questions:

     What symptoms did I have that let you know something was wrong?           

You were black under your eyes, you had impetigo, & your urine was brown. You had also lost some weight, but nothing crazy. I just thought you were finally losing your baby fat. ; )

How long did I have them before you took me in/I was diagnosed?

Don't remember, maybe 1- 3 mos.

Do you know how high my blood sugar was when I was diagnosed?

They just said it was over 500.

Thanks! :)

My version of this story is that I was sitting at the doctor, waiting for the chick to come back in the room, and then having her tell my mom,  "She has DIEabetes." My only question was, "Am I gonna die?" Seems silly, I suppose. But, there are stories of people DYING IN CHILDHOOD from diabetes complications ... NOT that long ago! Like, 1970's people! That is so numbing to me. I was diagnosed in 1988 at age 5. No one ever told me I would only live to be THIRTY-EIGHT! Or that CHILDREN WERE NOT POSSIBLE.

The next thing that happened was being in Duke Hospital for a week. Then, coming home to my mom giving me shots for umm .... NOT LONG. I QUICKLY learned to do that myself! No thanks! I'll handle it!

Then, people began to either freak out ... orrrrr .... not listen to any special instructions given regarding the disease AT ALL .... whattup Mrs. Hubbard? The ONE time I passed out from low blood sugar, my 5th grade teacher did EXACTLY what my mom told her not to do, and she had me with my head between my knees. THANK GOD MY BUS DRIVER SAW ME COLLAPSED IN THE CAFETERIA AND SHE TOOK ME TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE AND GAVE ME SUGAR. Hey Mrs. Barker!

People do and say dumb things, no matter how many times you tell em:

Yes, diabetes sucks. But, I AM SO BLESSED. I have NEVER been hospitalized since being diagnosed. I have never had a seizure, or ketones I/my mom couldn't get rid of at home. It's been 23 years so far.

Looking back now, I can't imagine what it must've been like for my mom to send me to sleepovers and birthday parties, etc. as a young child with diabetes. But, she taught me so well. And we both had such great training at Duke. We were strict with it, and I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to - for the most part. And, as I got older and did make stupid decisions, I feel like I only let it go so far before I couldn't resist checking my blood sugar and correcting it back down.

People say some whack stuff, so, here is my free

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

1) People have diabetes or they don't. There is no such thing as "havin it real bad".

2) Don't judge. You may see a diabetic eatin cake and ice cream - guess what? It's no different than pizza or spaghetti. Carbs are carbs - let them handle it. Don't preach.

3) Don't STARE. It is called an insulin pump, people! Some of us actually have an additional gizmo hooked into our skin somewhere - it's a blood glucose sensor. We realize we look bionic. Your staring is rude and unnecessary. If you wanna know, just ask!

4) The pump and/or sensor do not control the diabetes for us. They help TREMENDOUSLY ... but checking sugars is still necessary, as is counting carbs and dealing with unexplained and frustrating blood sugars. It is not a fake pancreas/cure-all.

5) Sugar is sugar. Honey, brown sugar, white sugar, molasses, sugar, sugar, sugar! It's all sugar. As far as what it does to blood sugars anyway. Bagels, pasta, Coke, chips, carbs, carbs, carbs.

6) Diabetics are "allowed" to have an adult beverage - they aren't any better or worse for us than they are for you. Tend to yaself!

7) Dear Airports - please get educated on modern medical technology. I am not carrying heroin in my insulin pump. And no, I am not going to bomb the plane - that would be a continuous blood glucose monitoring sensor that you see here inserted into my belly fat.

8) Don't ask a diabetic, "Can you have that?" Who exactly do you want us to ask? Are we getting permission?

My childhood was all about stuff like this. And my personal favorite (although this is very thoughtful, ignorant, but thoughtful) - sugar-free candy/desserts. Doesn't matter. Carbs are carbs. I'd rather eat the real thing and just take the insulin for it than to have to take insulin to cover carbs that are gross. Just sayin'.
It's less carbs for me to drink a can of Coke (heaven) than to eat a whole bagel for breakfast. Spiiiiike! But, no, I get people's paranoia, because it is very serious. But there are a ZILLION misconceptions. Diabetes is all about balancing insulin and carbohydrates (to put it simply). Carbs are carbs - although some are fast acting, and fatty carbs have a different affect than lean ones, etc. But, 30g of carbs is gonna change your blood sugar whether it's potato chips or a nice healthy apple.

When I was in elementary school, I was SO GLAD to get to eat a snack during class because I was ALWAYS hungry. Some other kids were like, "That's not fair." I'm like, "Are you serious, right now? YOUR PANCREAS WORKS AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE SHOTS, DUMBASS!"

In middle and high school, we moved around a bit, and I felt so stupid being the new chick who would randomly whoop out a snack during a test and start eating. Especially those teachers who forgot I was diabetic (because it usually wasn't an issue) and they would not so kindly remind me that we weren't allowed to eat in class. Then, as the whole class was staring, HU-MIL-I-A-TING!, and my blood sugar is like 45, I am trying to eat, stay conscious, and explain that I'm diabetic and I'm about to fall out. Oh, and make a decent grade on the test.

Good times.

I also remember checking my blood and it taking TWO MINUTES to register. Now it takes 5 seconds. And nobody ever even dreammmmmmmed of an insulin pump, much less a sensor.

But, seriously, we've come such a long way. I read posts by people diagnosed in earlier days, or those who have had more difficulty than I have and it brings me to tears because of how blessed I have been. There are still times when it makes me nuts. When it doesn't make sense. When I need to leave work because my pump is not working properly and my blood sugar is 395. Or, when it's low every time I turn around, and I have no clue why. Or, when I leave my medical supplies in someone's car, and I have to have them go to the trouble of overnighting it immediately. Or being at Thanksgiving, or Christmas and being hungry, but knowing I should wait for my blood to go down some before I eat unless I want it to be high all day. I also try to bolus (take insulin to cover food) 20 mins. before I eat, especially if it's more than 20 carbs.

Once, in college, I just checked out, I guess, and hadn't ordered insulin in FOR-EV-ER, and suddenly, my blood sugar was in the 400s constantly. I ended up having to call the hospital at Duke and get some random endocrinologist on call who'd never met me a day in his life, to call in some insulin (I told him the brand I wanted and begged him to do it without seeing me) at a 24 hour CVS in SC, where I paid out of pocket (about $110).

How stupid was I?

But now, I'm a tad more grounded, and totally psycho about controlling my diabetes as much as I can. I am scared I will not be able to have kids, or that I will have a 15 pound baby with 12 fingers and I will die in child birth. Yep - these are things I spend time worrying about.

But, anyway, I am so blessed. And although they were SO WRONG about finding a cure "in 5 years" in 1988 ... we've come a long way, baby.

Hey, the invention of Splenda was a breakthrough for me. Sweet-n-low is NAZZZZTASTIC! Equal's aiight, but def doesn't hold a candle to Splenda.

Thanks again, Pinterest, for allowing us to find humor in the madness.

Also, please do check out this article I came across on Alexis's blog (awesome!!!) I Run on Insulin - she found it in Diatribe, a Diabetic Newsletter - it's about the discovery of insulin and the very first patient whose life it saved. Also, check out A Sweet Life for more awesome diabetes blogs.

Ab.so.lutely. A.mazing!

If you're interested in other ways I make fun of diabetes and how it tries AND FAILS to ruin my friggin life, check out other posts here. Anyone have questions, please feel free to email me.

Your sister in dia-bee-tus,

Diabeetus, you need to get a d*** job!

It just melts my heart how absolutely excited beyond believe Brody is to have someone to throw his ball for him. That's it. He's just happy we're home and that someone is taking time to play with him.

Total dog heaven for him.

if you look real close, the ball is there ... it's just hella nasty from his slobber and the mud and dirt

Isn't it just lovely?

Yeah.

And sometimes those happy snuggly thoughts come in handy to keep you from havin a mini stroke when you get SHIZ like this in the mail:

WHAT the deuce?!


breathe in.

breathe out.

and as I type this, my heart is still full with joy as I listen to Brody tear into something and breathe heavily and grunt and chomp like he is devouring a corpse -
nope. just his bone.

Like I said, it's important to think happy thoughts. Like, at least we have insurance. At least we have able bodies to work to earn money to pay to take care of my health at all. And, I have to remember, it's God's money that He's trusting us to manage anyhoo. And, we thank Him for that.

I did a few more breathe-in breathe-outs, prayed for God to help me chillax, thanked Him for His provisions, ate some supper, and then smiled that I had made some winter decor for free. We already had the white spray paint. ;)



My mama also had this darlin wolf from a calendar. I'ma frame him up soon.



Keep on smilin. Four days til the weekend. And, next week is THANKSGIVINNNNNG!!!
and I'm gonna learn how to knit 

;)