dear errthang,

dear silas,
i am so glad i married your son. gettin' you as a FIL was the best bonus ever. i love how you run the store, and how you are part of the tractor club and went to the nc stizzle, and how you are just blunt as hell, and use words like "yuppies". if i were sayin' this out loud, you would have already interrupted me to say, "yeah, yeah, yeah," in annoyance while you waved your hand through the air.

dear wanda,
i am so excited about the store t-shirts. meetin' you gave me a glimpse into what i will be like in 25 {?!} years. you are the most southern thing ever. i love that you answer my calls with, "hey baby, how are you doinnnn?". i also find it to be awesome that you rock mustard skinnies and flats. and yes, purple over pink. {don't be creeped out that i stalked your image online, i forgot to ask for a pic today.}

dear anj,
thanks for hookin' up that bomb ass pork tenderloin for them tacos. gyahhhhhhh. to die.

dear goat cheese,
i am so mad i didn't even consider you as legit until i was like 28. you are so delicious and add so much flare and appeal to whoever you are hangin' out with. i love you so much. xo

dear yoga pants,
heyyyyyyyy. how y'all doin? awesome. awesome is the answer to that, fo sho. wearin' you makes me {falsely} feel really athletic and flexible. i am more likely to go for a walk with you on than off.

dear lemon-lime water concoction,
i am so grateful that you are here to cleanse my kidneys, hydrate me, and not gag me. it's all good.

dear alice,
thanks for sendin' me a copy of the marriage certificate of my granddaddy's parents. i had no idea they were married in VA. you rock.

dear dmd,
thanks for always bein' there to jump start my engine. sometimes, it's just too damn hot for coffee. sometimes i want my crack cold and through a straw.

dear outkast,
i always loved y'all, because y'all were rap, but not all gangstah and shit. shout out to pandora for bringin' you back to my attention. how bout some ...

chyeahhhhhh

dear local jeweler,
i really enjoyed our convo about christmas and how toe up your MIL is. 'preciate you hookin' up that watch battery change fo' free. annnnd, can't wait to get my charm bracelet back with my new camera charm in tact.

dear readers,
are you still here? gyahh, i love y'all. thanks for tolleratin' my lack of "-ing", and too much talk on the ectopic pregnancy episode. and my sarcasm. and my snark. and definitely thanks for your real comments, shout outs, and nominations. hell, i feel special.

dear south,
DAYUM, i love you! the fact that i was born here is straight up proof that God is real. i love your manners, slow talk, appreciation of history and the past, overalls, boots, 'naw's, 'y'all's, and 'yessuh's. and tea. and cheerwine. and sundrop. and biscuits. this could go on forevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

dear CN Taylah,
the first second i met you, i asked anj where you were from, because i KNEW it was somewhere close to where i grew up. i love that you are a regulah fixtyah at the stoah. yoah accent reminds me so much of my hometown, i can't help maself. thanks for goin' to get those awesome hotdogs and pintos from the methodist church today. they wuh on point.

dear methodist church down the road from the store,
thanks for havin' awesome hotdogs {with countless toppin' choices}, pintos, and soup ... only on thursdays. thursday needed a reason to be awesome. now it has one.

dear sylvia,
you stressin' me out with your lights and shit. really? you KNOW damn well you ain't due for an oil change. stop bein' needy.

that about gets it for now,
thanks for comin' out.

dear ___________,

dear creamy, sausagey kale soup, peanut m&m's, reese's, chocolate trail mix, and sausage balls:
i love y'all but i am thinking there may be a slight correlation between y'all and the tightness of my pants.

dear lion brand yarn:
i thought the whole point of me driving to three stores to find you specifically in cincinnati red, was so that all of the spools of yarn would be the exact same color!

dear Jesus:
thank you so, so much for helpin' us out with our prayer request. you never disappoint. hope you had a great birthday!

dear people who have Nita Nikon:
please be nice. tha's my girl.

dear family and friends:
thanks for making this christmas nothing short of awesome. game time, matching jammies, gifts that were so thoughtful and unique, yummy treats, snuggle time with bobo, laughing, taking a break from life ... awesome.

dear blog:
have i told you lately how much i love you? you are always here for me to type on and play with everyday, like a new toy that never gets old. i can say whatever i want. it's refreshing. i love the smooth, light clicking of the keys on the keyboard, the fresh white on my new blog design. scanning in images or taking new ones and making photo collages. man, it is so my jam. thanks for always being there for me. you are so much more fun that writing in a journal or making a scrapbook, and you take up way less space.

dear holiday that's a month and a half away:
is it really necessary for you to be making your appearance as soon as christmas is over? i don't think people need a month and a half to prepare for you, v-day.

dear piles of christmas aftermath:
why do i feel like i have been putting stuff away for days, but there's still stuff everywhere?

 
dear readers:
thanks for hangin' out. your comments and interactions rock my world. thanks for loving me even though i am cheap and don't give y'all free shit to hang out.
question for you: if you are a pandora listener, what stations do you listen to while bloggin//workin at your computer? holla! {if you no likey pandora, then send me some songs, bands that rock your world. please?}

dear ectopic & multiple personalities,

this is about to be one of those blunt posts, so if you're here for humor, today's probably not it. and, i'm acutally writing this on tuesday, but it won't post til friday, so i can assure you that by the time you read this, my mood will have changed.

over the weekend, i kept waiting for my period to come. it was a little late, but i wasn't getting my hopes up because i've learned that getting your hopes up will typically fuck you over backfire. {wait, i shouldn't have said that, i have so much to be grateful for, and the truth is, i have gotten my hopes up in many other areas of my life, and everything did turn out, just fine, in fact. if you are new here and have no idea what i'm talking about, you should read this post first.} it finally showed up on monday, just three days late. good, i thought. that's fine. the surgery was only a couple months ago, it's not like we've been trying for forever. i went on about my day, thankful that my body is regulating itself back out, and that i still have one healthy fallopian tube left. everything is just fine.

then, a friend texted me and told me she was pregnant and sent me a picture of the sonogram.
i told her congratulations, and then i cried for two hours that night, and more into the next day.
i just looked at the text, and that was it. just started crying so hard i could hardly talk. i just showed anj my phone.
anj was sitting there with me, asking me what i was thinking about and then i went through all of it all over again.

i had just spent the previous few days wanting to feel sad, because i didn't really. wondering what is wrong with me that i'm not distraught. i want to just feel terrible about everything that happened for a few days, weeks, whatever, and get it out of my system, and be done with it. but, instead, i feel totally awesome and then out of nowhere, BOOM. tears. tears of anger, rage, guilt, devastation, ... and then i just feel silly for feeling all of it, or any of it, or i don't even know, really.

it's like there are three me's.
me #1 is a bitter, jealous bitch. a bitch who swears that every single female of child bearing age within a 5,000 mile radius is pregnant. a bitch who is sick of facebook, and sick of instagram and the saturation of the free world with pictures of babies.

me #2 HATES me #1. the real, normal, before-the-ectopic me is nothing like me #1. i feel joy for my friends, and grateful that God has blessed them. And I KNOW THAT I WOULD BE THE SAME WAY IF I WERE PREGNANT/HAD A BABY. And they should be happy! That is normal.

me #3 is just guilty. guilty that i have any negative feelings whatsoever. why should i complain? it could have been worse. i could have bled to death. drs could be telling me that i can't have kids at all. even if i can't, i have a wonderful husband. i am so blessed in so many other ways, etc, etc, etc.

i feel like the regular, somewhat sane me is nowhere to be found when these three are around tag-teaming my brain. and i go from me #1 to me #2 to me #3 very rapidly - almost at the same time. they are like triplets who always travel together. rage, hating myself for being an evil bitch, and then just guilty that i'm not grateful enough for what i have already. rinse, repeat.

i am sick of this shit. really, really sick of it. 
nope, i won't be negative and ungrateful. 
i can't decide.
so,

dear the three me's, 

i get that y'all have been through some shit. but i am really over your whole disappear-and-then-pop-up-at-random act. i hate feeling like this. one day i feel one way, and the next day it can be the total opposite. who the hell do y'all think you are, robbing me of feeling happiness for my friends? because i know they would be happy for me if the tables were turned. 
i do NOT appreciate y'all just snatching away my control. control of how i feel and how i react. i am not crazy, and i don't appreciate y'all making me feel like i am.
y'all can pack your shit up and get on back to wherever it is that you were previously hiding, and stay there. 
i miss the normal, old, optimistic me, who is around 99% of the time.
you are not welcome here. 
i don't really know which of you i hate the most. all of you together are an especially ugly combination, given that you switch it up every 2.4 seconds. my husband never knows what to expect. neither do i. 
so, whenever you are done fucking with me, i'd love to get back to being optimistic and happy for my friends without having to go through a range of psycho emotions first. 

thanks!

yours truly,
sane, happy-for-others, not-feeling-sorry-for-myself me

i wasn't going to write this because guilty me was afraid of offending my preggo friend and hurting her feelings. but, sane me texted her and explained myself and warned her of this post so she wouldn't take it the wrong way. i sort of had an epiphany while i was texting her.
i told her: it's hard not having anywhere to place your anger. what happened is no one's fault. not mine, not andrew's, not the doctors', not God's, and not my friends' who are having healthy pregnancies right now.
i guess some say i could be mad at God if i wanted to. i tried to be, but it doesn't work. i cannot be mad at God because HE HAS DONE SO MANY POSITIVE THINGS FOR ME THAT I AM SO UNDESERVING OF. He could have stopped my ectopic. He could have made it a healthy pregnancy. but, i think if you can't learn to trust God ALL the time - through good and bad, you are screwed. God doesn't do halvsies.

and here's what else, ty posted about some chick who was PROUD that she had gotten married young and had all her kids in her early twenties. well, good for you, bitch. aren't you lucky? guess what. YOU didn't do any of that on your own account, God above is the only one who allowed you to have such blessings. i have not read that chick's post, but just the sheer thought of such shit simply enraged me. don't even get me started on people who take credit for everything in their lives with little or no credit given to God for what He has done.

that is all that i am aware that i am feeling right this second.

thanks for letting me vent. :)

now, since i'm definitely not pregnant, i am going to starbuck's to get the biggest pumpkin spice latte they will sell me.

xo

* update: since typing this post tuesday morning, i had a conversation with a new friend on tuesday afternoon and found out that she lost her baby at 22 weeks. twenty-two weeks! can you imagine?!  and now, i'm on the other end of the spectrum again, where i think i should just shut up and get over it because oh my word, it could clearly have been worse. but you know what, she was so positive! and so inspirational! and so full of everything that God stands for. even after all that! just what i needed to hear. :)

rhonda, yanked cotton & son of a baconator

i know it ain't friday, but it might as well be, and who gives a shiz anyway?

dear sweet southern little sugarpies with names like rhonda who work at solstas labs,
thank you so much for pickin up my doctor's slack and harrassin them for the lab orders they were supposed to have sent to you weeks ago so that i don't have to. i especially appreciate this since y'all are closed tomorrow and friday for thanksgiving, and my appointment with his scatterbrained self is on monday.

dear cotton farmer of wake county,
thanks so much for that cotton. rest assured, it is bein put to good use in my christmas decor. my mantel thanks you.

dear hazel,
thanks for bein willin to slam on breaks, flip a bitch and stop at random houses of old ladies who may or may not own the cotton. your cotton/junk/somethin-they-got-you-want enthusiasm is appreciated. like you said, "i done stopped at mo houses and knocked on mo doors than carter got liver pills."


 

dear michaels,
thanks for your constant 40% off coupons. it has been helpful during my recent christmas craft craze. my house looks like elves on starbucks.

dear paper skyscraper,
thanks for never disappointing. you are always full of awesome, hilarious, and unique shiz for people on my gift list. your dog patsy is awesome as well.

dear drive thrus,

thanks for providing me some sort of nourishment amidst the beef, cheese, fries, sausage, and diet coke. i ain't had time to eat decent. preesh!

toodles for now, shugpies!

98166598 things to do

xo

dear ___________,

dear hubs' company: thanks for the health insurance

dear health insurance: thanks for doin your part on that hospital bill

dear bilo: i've been in there twice now and there are still broken eggs in almost every container. i know you know about this because i told you last time, and there are egg cartons open everywhere from where customers have picked through lookin for some decent eggs. also, what is up with gluten free bread that expired july 4, 2012 sittin out? get it together.

dear tuesday, november 6, 2012. i am so damn ready for you to get here and leave. sick of hearin about this shit.

dear snot fest and raspy voice: this is day 7. i'm good, but thanks for comin out.

dear playtex gentle glide: why make "sport" tampons? if women don't want leakage jumpin on the trampoline, they don't want leakage any other time either. don't even get me started on the perfume ...

dear facebook: why are you regurgitating old shiz to the top of my news feed?

dear tailgating at 7:30 am: it's gone be cold. but i'm bringing a big cowl. and a sweater. and some coffee. and some ncsu blankets.

dear mama: thanks for keepin it real and using words like newfangled.

have a magical weekend, sugar pies!

dear ________________,

dear dairy free liquid creamer, 

you are the shizzz and make my coffee so much more delicious than fat free milk.

dear pumpkin pie spice,

i'm so glad i found a use for you more than once a year by sneaking you into my coffee grounds before brewing.

#mmmm

{a lil tidbit for all you "fake hashtag" haters}

dear whipped cream,
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

dear truvia,
thanks for removing my splenda guilt.

y'all all rock:

 
 dear sausage/egg/cheese scramble,

you make my friday complete.

  
dear goodwill,

i am coming for you after the today show is over and i fold all those towels and shower and attempt to do something with my hair and face. i hope you have somethin - just onnnne thing?? - that makes me super excited that i stopped by.

dear weird dreams that started at pregnancy and are still goin strong,

gimme a break. i feel like i never sleep.

dear hair loss,

really? is it hormonal fluctuation? is it my thyroid medicine? {ironic} it's been real. it's time for you to GO.

dear wusthof knives,

how many times does it take me to learn your game? nothin like drippin blood all over the counter while you cook breakfast. luckily, i didn't pass out like a brother i have whose name does not start with E.

 
dear starbucks:

you cost too damn much, which is as i said above, why i have rigged my own pumpkin spice deal at home. however, there still ain't nothin like the real thang. maybe twice a season, i am super excited to stop by and get a venti pumpkin spice latte and it never disappoints.

 
 dear brody,

i know you think i humiliate you sometimes by taking way too many pics of you, but at least you're not this dog:

 
 dear halloween,

i am sort of sad that i have totally ignored you this year. i am so past the slut costumes and alcohol imbibing during halloween. but, i am sort of sad i didn't throw together some kind of outfit for handing out candy.

dear jeff,

happy birthday! it is so weird that i am 10 years older than you and you are just starting college. also, that i totally remember your precious red curls and changing your not so precious diapers.

dear haters,

Normally my "Dear ______" posts are a list of sorts, but today's is pretty simple, but equally valid I think.

So, without further ado,

Dear People Who Have a Quick Mouth and All the Answers to All the World's Problems:

Heard this on Pandora and thought of you.

And whether you like country or not.

Or whether you like Luke Bryan or not. 

I think you should have a listen.

Because it's so easy for us all to judge. 

{Myself included.}

But you never know what battles God has chosen for others to fight.

And maybe next time you want to judge, you should ask yourself, "Would you want to trade places?"

If you really think that people fighting addiction, who have lost their job, their family, their friends, their self-respect, and their kids, or people who are begging for money on the side of the road day after day in the heat and cold and rain while being talked shit to by people like you are simply lazy, and don't want a "normal" life, then I think it's pretty damn safe to say you really don't know jack.

Love, 

Shug in Boots

linked up today

dear TEXAS,

This whole month of August, I have been reminiscing of the last time we were together. It was the first time we'd ever met. From the moment I stepped off the plane in Austin, I was in love. If I ever had to just up and move to somewhere random, I think somewhere outside Austin could totally be it. And I don't think Anj would mind so much either. 

I miss your 800 million variations on margaritas.

Your Frito pies.

Your magical boot utopia.

Your flat land.

Your county roads.

Your ranches.

Your creeks.

Your awesome skillet breakfasts.

Your mariachi serenades in San Antonio.

Your Hole-in-the-Wall bars.

The refreshing ice cold waters of Barton Springs.

I really do miss you.

Please, come back to get me. I can be packed and ready in 15 minutes.

Until then, I will dream of you while drinking from my koozie.

Love from across the miles,

Your Cackylack Shugpie
xoxo

Linked up today ...  Adventures of Newlyweds

dear ______,

dear facebook - it is annoying that i can't tag friends in pics more easily on my photography page, but whatevs, i kind of found a way around it.

dear J - thanks so much for the whoppin ass case of redbridge and some new gluten free bevies to try. #realfriend

dear photography - you are awesome. so much fun. so much to still be able to experiment with and learn, and a way to make people smile. what a win-win.

dear readers of this here bloggie - you bring such smiles to my face with your comments and likes. i'm glad we can all enjoy a lil blogger action.

dear cheap asses - it is GHETTO to order ONE damn salad bar for $5.50 and then have two GROWN ASS PEOPLE share it - blatantly. for realz?!

dear la cocina - that taco salad i had the other night was RIGHT, amigos. truly.

dear people who think stricter gun laws will keep CRAZIES from doin CRAZY shit - bless y'all's hearts.

dear john stossel - i cannot concentrate on what you are saying while my hubs watches you because all i can focus on is that killer stache.

deuces, and cheers to a fab weekend, shug pies!

dear ______,

dear what's next: i am kinda scared of you, but also really excited because i don't know much about you at all.

dear God: thanks for answering my prayers, even if it was slow and in a way that required some pain and lessons learned.

dear cherry coke zero: you taste good to me. thanks for bein such a pick-me-up.

dear brody: your ball is not a living thing that you must take care of and cry over 24-8, but it's sweet that you are such a nurturer.

dear jennifer, the acupuncture girl: thank you so much for teaching me to use common sense and listen to my body. my diabetes and overall life are so much better since i met you!

dear random gray hairs: i don't understand why you are here to ruin me, because i am NOT ready to pay to have y'all covered up. but, i'm afraid if i pluck y'all, more will grow back in your place. you will not defeat me.

dear someecards: you light up my life. and my mom's. thanks for comin out.

dear anj davis: thanks for forcing me to listen to wierd indie rock all the time because i admit, it has grown on me and i actually paid money to put some of that shit on my ipod.

dear syliva: i am glad we have grown to be tight as ticks. at first, i didn't trust you and thought you were the runt of the litter. i soon realized that you are just a chevy and all of your kinfolk seem to have the same issues. i am glad we have worked through a lot of that so we can move forward.

dear eric: thanks for fixin the chevy illnesses that both sylvia and T-Roy have been afflicted with.

dear greek people: thank you for inventing hummus (did y'all invent hummus originally?), tzatziki, and stuffed grape leaves.

dear anheuser busch: thanks for inventing the only gluten free beer that doesn't taste like battery acid, or fruity sweet ass ness.

dear blogger: thanks for this free platform to just say random shit to clear my mind.

dear parents: thanks for the nikon. i am in love. it is the best toy i have ever had. and it helps make other people smile too. i call that a win-win.

happy weekending folks.

love,
SIB

dear ________,

dear blood sugar:

why are you high? i didn't raise you like this.

dear good dreams:

why do you show up RIGHT before the alarm goes off? WHAT the deal?

dear next year:

i know you got dis.

dear p***s:

i don't think i like you anymore. you used to watch me shave ... {forgive me for writing that. every time i read these "letter" posts, i think of it.}

dear dude who hit my mama's car with no insurance, and with sister/car owner who also had no insurance:

i hope the hell they take your damn licenses and you have to pay for your slack ass decision making. but prolly not, because we live in america where the government has made it so people can pretty much do whatever the hell they want and the rest of us can pay for it for them.

dear mr. fantasy:

play us a tune.

dear. mista. president:

i'm writin you because ... shit is still real ******** in my neighborhood. {always did love some tupac}

dear adobe lightroom:

i'm really excited that i was able to purchase you at a discount. maybe now i can use the money i saved to sign up for some classes on how to use you.

dear adobe tv:

that chick who does y'all's how-to's for lightroom is in need of some aesthetic love.

dear lil wayne's family that i saw in roxboro cookin on a grill, drankin a bottled brew, swattin flies, all without even GETTIN UP FROM THE CHAIR, on the front porch, bout to get hit by a car wit some younguns swingin on a tire swing:

i SO wanted to capture that shiz wit the nikon, but i was afraid you might think i was makin fun of y'all. not the case. shit was epic. pure awesomeness.

dear doritos:

your level of perfection and flawlessness can only be described by a word that ain't even been thought of yet. and you and ice cold diet mt. dew in a can? soul mates. clearly. oh - and don't ever let anybody tell you that you're played out. you are at your best in your original flava.

dear bird who keeps flyin into my window at work:

you are dumb as a hay rake.

dear brody:

it's nasty how you carry your ball around and then freak out when it's missing like it's a pacifier and then roll it around in your mouth, throwin it to the back of your throat and then somewhat gagging while you get it adjusted. it's just a ball. seriously there, shug.

dear nice red headed pharmacist at cvs:

i really appreciate that you are always patient and in a good mood. it's as if you get paid to do your job and you chose that career for yourself. also, as a result of your kindness and patience, i have successfully fought off the urge to hate you because of your "lilly" outfits and pearls. much love.

dear dude who carved a 7 ft ram and then put it on sale on craig's list for $3000.

wtf, dude? did your mama drop you on your head? 

dear person who {might} buy said ram:

you too, are dumb as a hay rake.

dear waiters and dudes sittin on barstools, and men gawkers alike:

just because you are typically surrounded by unbathed haggards wearin no bra and some sweatpants does not mean it's cool to straight cold stare down a shugpie while she tryin to eat. or go pee in peace. seriously. get cinemax. did you ever have a mother?

dear blog readers:

i'm gonna cut myself off for now. you're welcome.